To home ed daughter on pathway asd

[Molly4200]

I am posting this in SEN and home ed as it falls under both and I’d like advise please. Sorry new to mumsnet so unsure on rules!

my daughter is 4 due to start school sept 25 ( uk)
my eldest boy is diagnosed born Asd n adhd and has an EHCP. Both have very different needs. My daughter masks hugely, real struggled in nursery with other children and noises etc and begged me not to send her and cried everyday. So I took her out in the end after countless meeting with nursery. She know attend childminders with only 5 kids.

she copes a lot better in the smaller environment but still hugely struggled she’s on the pathway for a diagnoses as she shows lots of traits of autism alongside anxiety. The main thing that sways my school decision is she struggles with other children she masks and holds it in but when too many children she stands back tow at h everyone panics about what they are doing, if they will be loud or not nice to her etc sits up all night anxious about the unknown of the kids the next day, struggles to let smaller things go like if someone’s taken a toy, she won’t ever say anything to another child and does let them walk all over her if they are bigger personality unfortunately to, but she will panic about every single thing c she repeats and repeats the same sentences to me on the way there and she has huge meltdowns from holding in at the childminders. she does massively enjoy it more than she did nursery however, but still struggles. There is loads more I could write but don’t want to make it too long to read .

I’ve been deciding about home ed come September as I know she will not cope in school with 30 children, most school near me are under staffed and over run, so she wouldn’t get much support and with her masking I feel she will be panicking internally all day and nobody will notice.
she’s not disowned yet and only on the start of her journey to be disgnosed she’s not her been seen by main professionals or assessed and it’s a 3 year waiting list in my area. So went be any time soon.

i feel keeping her back until she’s been seen and has more evidence and support in place is the best option for her but then i also worry that setting a school in the future would be even worse for her as other children have there own friendship groups by then and have been there the full time. It would be slot harder than all starting together.

I don’t really no what am wanting from mumsnet but just really would like advise on whether you’d keep back or start and see how she’d get on?anyone with children with Addisional needs home ED then sent to school? How was that transition .

She went to nursery from 2 years old there was 15-20 children and she really struggles as I said, she wouldn’t sleep she panicked all the time and on every photo they took of her I could see the panic in her face. It broke my heart, although nursery kept telling me she’s fine, there was an incident with a boy not being nice to her to and then that made it worse, she does have lots of autism signs aside from this hand flapping spinning sensory issues food issues etc etc but as I said her masking was making so it’s hard for people to see her struggles. so as I said removed her and she now attended childminders with 5 kids, enjoys it a lot better and her childminder did me a great report and can see she’s autistic to, but she does still struggle even with only 5 children.

thank you for any advice

Can you ask the school she’s be going to about how they could approach the situation? EHCP’s are given based on need, not diagnoses, so it could be that they explore that with you. If she’s homeschooled then she wouldn’t have a chance of getting one. She’s so young it seems as though if the school can make an appropriate adaptation then it could be better to see how she gets on.

If you home school your child just because you feel out of options (which you shouldn’t have to) then what are you setting her up for? A life of being hidden away from scary society? It’s a lot on you too with her being such a young age.

My kids were similar. One entered school in Y8 and did really well (went in with just a diagnosis of ADHD but has autistic traits, doesn't want assessed) and one entered an autism unit in Y7 and couldn't cope at all. We'd got an EHCP while Home Edding him but his needs were too high for even specialist schools so he's EOTAS, where the council sends tutors each day. That has worked really well for him.

If your daughter could stay another year at the childminder's and then join Reception, that would give you a year to collect evidence and apply for an EHCP yourself. The SEN board will be more helpful for advice.

I’d do it. I’m home educating my dc now, secondary age, and so wish I’d done it from the start.

It absolutely is possible to secure an EHCP for a home educated child. And there’s no ‘being hidden away from society’, there is plenty in the home Ed community and outside of it.

@GreatPlumPlayer Thanks for your replies. She wouldn’t be hidden away she goes to a club and would attend home ed groups etc and she would stay with the childminder ( not for education that would be by me) but for childcare once or twice a week and for socialising. she’s able to manage in places with me with her for support and help. She wouldn’t have that in school. Even if I do a parent request for EHCP and apply for one my son has one and it still doesn’t give him the support he needs unfortunately and is a constant battle there’s not enough funding to give them what they need and my son is classed as a lot “higher needs” than my daughter. She wouldn’t have the 1-1 or the support required in school as they won’t see her needs either as she masks a lot and appears “ fine” when internally she isn’t, but appreciate what you’re saying I will have a meeting where he potential school.

@WaitingForMojo my plan would be to home ed and apply for an EHCP and in the future consider her attending school with more support when she’s older and able to process things abit better

she’s still very young and I just hate the thought of her suffering all day internally to and struggling to cope. The schools near me are at max capacity and a lot are understaffed to. I guess what works for one doesn’t for the next

i just find myself doubting my decision with the deadline looking for applying for a school to, and ive been thinking more and more about her attending school at a later date and having even more anxiety due to it being a class that’s already established friendships and already know each other rather than all starting reception together. I feel like pros and cons both ways. And it’s hard to no what’s right to do.

@ADifferentPathAuDHD thank you and i hadnt realised you can hold back a year and start the following reception class? She’d be nearly 6 then as she turns 5 October this year the month after she’d start in September. Would she be too old then to hold back a year and start with reception?

I think my thoughts are that it’s hard enough to get an EHCP for my non-verbal 3 year old and he attends a setting, I see that it would be harder to get one approved for a home setting, although if it literally comes down to money then I suppose you’d be saving the LA a lot by keeping your child at home. I also don’t know how it would work with attending group sessions outside of school if the only difference is because you’re there then I still think it risks her becoming reliant on you always being there. You seem set on your idea though best of luck whichever way you go.

If DS’s EHCP doesn’t include the support he needs, have you appealed? Focus on the SEP in F, not the funding. If provision is detailed, specified and quantified in F, it can be enforced if necessary.

You can get an EHCP with all the provision they reasonably require, including 1:1 where required, for DC who mask. You may need to appeal, though.

Because DD is autumn born, without an EHCP, you wouldn’t be able to have DD start reception a year later. With an EHCP, it can be possible to have educated out of chronological year group, but many have to appeal.

You could defer until the January or have DD attend part time under the January.

And in the January, DD becomes compulsory school age, so if she can’t attend school the LA will have a duty under section 19 of the Education Act 1996 to ensure she still receives a suitable alternative education via other means. However, if you EHE, the LA will say you are making suitable alternative arrangements, thereby relieving them of this duty.

Personally, I wouldn’t EHE then request an EHCNA. While you can get an EHCP whilst EHEing, you are more likely to need to appeal. This is because the LA has no incentive to assess, agree to issue an EHCP and finalise an EHCP with all the provision required and the right placement or EOTAS/EOTIS because they know if they refuse, many EHEing parents will just continue to EHE.

My daughter’s the same. She should be in a specialist school but there are no places so she sits in a room with ta’s and about ten children. She paints and plays all day. I honestly think she would be better out of school and if I get pulled on her attendance she will be. She’s in her first year at school and isn’t coping; they have kept her routine the same as nursery but she is supposed to be learning to read and write and has done nothing.