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Home ed

Find advice from other parents on our Homeschool forum. You may also find our round up of the best online learning resources useful.

Help needed - total newbie!

8 replies

GrossEncountersoftheTurdKind · 19/09/2024 15:17

Hi, long story short, my DS has just started Year 11 and hasn't returned to school this year. He was bullied from Year 8 onwards until his bully was excluded, but it did a number on his self esteem, and he now suffers from terrible school related anxiety. His attendance last year was about 60%, and it's not looking like this will improve given how things have gone from the start of term.

He has counselling sessions in place, but I'm worried that any good results that come from that will be just too late for him, and that his GCSE education and results will suffer.

So, I'm considering Home Ed. It's a bloody nightmare - there is so much info out there that I don't know where to start. Which company is the best? How much will it cost? How do they charge? I'd appreciate a Home Ed 101 from you experts if that's possible? Talk to me like I know NOTHING, because I don't!

Thanks to anyone who helps. 😀

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emmama2 · 19/09/2024 19:54

So there is a lot of information and other HE on Facebook. Lots of very friendly happy to support groups. I'm starting the journey myself (8year old)

I also work as a youth worker and mental health partitioner for young people.

With his self esteem low and anxiety levels being high you may find he is not ready to learn at the moment. He has gone through a lot of trauma that will take time to undo before he might be ready to learn. In HE they call it unschooling.

Costing wise each GCSE is around £250 for each one. The issue will be mostly finding a centre that does the exams. There will be a local Facebook group for your area who will have all that information.

He can still do his English and maths GCSE at college alongside a college course next year absolute worst case scenario.

There are places he can go now to support his mental health. If your area has it Kooth is a good thing that's online based.

I hope that all helps. It's scary but your doing the right thing for your child xx

Saracen · 20/09/2024 01:41

Very helpful advice from @emmama2 ! I agree that your son may not be ready to knuckle down to studying. Taking a child out of school in Y11 is always going to be hard, but when he's so anxious about school, you likely don't have a choice.

I'd start by taking a step back. Don't panic about the exams. At school there is no flexibility to sit them later, and often no option to reduce the number of exams. Home ed is totally different. It's about the needs of the individual. Your son can do any number of exams he wants, at any age. If he needs to take a break, he can. Perhaps he will feel able to sit a few subjects this year and a few next year. Maybe you will register him for a few exams, but if he isn't on track to manage them, cancel and do it later. There's no particular reason to sit a large number of GCSEs at 16. Schools are under pressure to make kids do that so the school's "value added" can be assessed. Because of that relentless performance pressure at school, your son may well have absorbed the idea that he must achieve good results, and do it this year, or his future is down the pan. That isn't true. Slather on the reassurance with a trowel. Help him have conversations with adult friends and acquaintances and relatives who have done okay for themselves without getting good exam results at 16.

Meanwhile, focus on helping him recover by doing whatever he loves, whether or not that is academic. Does he enjoy drawing, martial arts, spending time with the dog, doing DIY? Whatever it is, encourage him to do more of it.

If bullying has affected his self esteem badly, he might not want to have much to do with his same-age peers at the moment, and perhaps he'd feel safer with close family, or adults, or younger children. There's no rush to chuck him back in with groups of teens.

Socially it is rather tricky to join the home ed community at this age. Compared with when they were younger, many of the other home ed kids his age will be spending more of their time on studies and less on social groups, and may be attached to existing friends and less open to new friendships. I doubt they would be actively unfriendly, and it's very unlikely they would pick on a newcomer, but teens can be a bit self-centred and may not go out of their way to welcome him. If he does crave the company of other teens, a special interest club or scouts or cadets might be helpful.

I expect that you, on the other hand, will get plenty of help and support from other local home ed parents, many of whom will have come to home education after their children suffered at school. People tend to be generous with their time. Be sure to join your local Facebook group and meet other parents of teens. They can answer all your questions about how to arrange exams.

Good luck! I hope your son starts to feel better soon.

Pottingup · 20/09/2024 02:59

I home edded my kids including through GCSEs. I knew someone who took her son out of school at the end of year 10 and got him through GCSEs in a year but I agree it’s pretty tough. I’d also be inclined to think about whether it’s better to do them over two years. You should still be ok for 6th forms and college funding.
If you do decide to try and do GCSEs in a year then have a look at the Wiki home ed exams group.
I’d advise thinking about what your son would like to do after GCSEs and the minimum he needs for this - don’t do any more. We found five GCSEs were fine for A levels at 6th form/ college where mine wanted to go. Each subject was about £200 to sit (we used Tutors and Exams as an exam centre).
We used individual online providers of GCSE courses to support us - check out Absolute Maths, Southwest Science School, Dreaming Spires, Learntec, Homemade Education, Art and Design Room and Humanatees. They mostly do online lessons (live or recorded) and marked work at reasonable prices for individual subjects (rather than signing up for an online school).
There are quite a lot of home ed Facebook groups to support you through individual subjects.
Also check out home ed groups near you - maybe see what’s on Facebook - there may be teen meet ups and they can be really supportive for you and your son. I agree with Saracen that they can be tricky at this age but the group we were part of actually did integrate some 15 year olds quite happily. If nothing else you might find some local parents to support you through the process.
Also maybe go to some open evenings for 16 plus in the next few months to see what courses are around. You might find one where he doesn’t need GCSEs to access that he liked to start next year.

GrossEncountersoftheTurdKind · 08/11/2024 15:05

Thanks everyone. I didn't reply at the time as we were in the thick of his anxiety/school refusal and I was just so fed up of thinking and talking about it. Now things have come to a head. He still hasn't been to school at all this year and school want us to make decisions about the way forward - understandably. I'm seriously considering taking him out of school now, before it was just an idea.

I think even with his anxiety, he would be OK with doing a couple of GCSE's this year, maybe Maths and English. Does anyone recommend a provider for these subjects in particular? The ones I have looked at seem to come in at around £30 per month per subject which seems reasonable, but any ideas I am open to ideas. Thanks!

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BrightYellowTrain · 08/11/2024 16:13

Rather than EHE, have you considered pursuing section 19 provision? That way, English and Maths (and more) can be funded.

You could also consider pursuing an EHCP with the aim of securing EOTAS. This has the benefit of being able to include therapeutic support DS wouldn’t otherwise get.

GrossEncountersoftheTurdKind · 08/11/2024 16:18

Ooh I haven't heard of section 19 provision - will Google that - thank you! I have a GP appointment for him next Saturday, we have tried going down the CAHMS route before but he was denied. I'll see if the GP will re-refer him. Assume that's what I need to do?

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BrightYellowTrain · 08/11/2024 16:31

Under section 19 of the Education Act 1996, the LA has a duty to ensure compulsory school age pupils unable to attend school full-time still receive a suitable full time education. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can send to the LA to request this. Provision should have been in place before now. You don’t need CAMHS to instigate it.

IPSEA also has a model letter you can use to request an EHCNA.

An EHCP can include therapies DS wouldn’t get via CAMHS, more frequently, for longer and without the need to sit on the waiting list. Although to get therapies in an EHCP you may have to appeal.

GrossEncountersoftheTurdKind · 08/11/2024 17:38

BrightYellowTrain · 08/11/2024 16:31

Under section 19 of the Education Act 1996, the LA has a duty to ensure compulsory school age pupils unable to attend school full-time still receive a suitable full time education. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can send to the LA to request this. Provision should have been in place before now. You don’t need CAMHS to instigate it.

IPSEA also has a model letter you can use to request an EHCNA.

An EHCP can include therapies DS wouldn’t get via CAMHS, more frequently, for longer and without the need to sit on the waiting list. Although to get therapies in an EHCP you may have to appeal.

Thank you so much for this info. I feel completely abandoned by the school and they haven't told me any of this!!!

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