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Home ed

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Need a bit of support regarding home-edding my eldest

8 replies

pinkdolly · 14/04/2008 22:18

Hiya, my oldest will be 6 in June. At the moment we are taking quite an autonomous approach to home-edding. Though we are really trying to encourage her to read. She knows her alphabet and can read some words but i'm worried that i'm not pushing her hard enough with the reading.
Part of my reasoning for home-educating is that I can go at my children's pace and allow them more time to be children. But do you think I should really be putting more effort into reading? We read every day. Do lots of word games on and off the computer. Practice writing and spelling words etc...
We try and encourage her to learn mostly from her everyday experiences to make it more natural.

Also I have a 20 month old dd at home with me and she is super clingy. She tries to climb on my lap when i'm trying to concentrate on my oldest. She whinges and complains if I dont pick her up.

I had so many good reasons for home-edding but i'm finding it a struggle with my youngest being so demanding. I cant afford to put her in nursery and dont want the reason I stop home-edding to be her.

I dont know what i'm looking for, maybe some body to tell me that i'm still doing the best by my children and this is still the right option for me. But I want honesty, I still love the reasons I want to home-ed and would be gutted to stop. But I'd hate to disadvantage my children .

Your honest and frank answers would be greatfully recieved. Thanx

OP posts:
avenanap · 14/04/2008 22:23

Is there a granny or nice neighbour that can come and play with your baby whilst you spend a bit of time with your oldest? There are loads of ways to help her to read, shopping lists are great, get her to read it out to you when you are in the supermarket. Joke books are also very good. Even the subtitles on the tv, try turning the volume down a bit and put the subtitles on.

It's hard to know what to do for the best sometimes. Use your instincts. I find that they are normally right.

onwardandupward · 14/04/2008 22:34

Have you explored Sandra Dodds unschooling site? There's quite a lot of reassurance on there about the benefits of letting a child learn to read at their own pace - it doesn't have to be reading and writing as the primary mode of communication. Conversation is a great way of teaching and learning!

And your 20 month old is just at that age to need holding a lot, isn't she? How about getting a back carrier like an Ergo or a Mei Tei so you and your 5 yo can go on walks and have interesting conversations while the baby rides along on your back?

How about lying on the floor to concentrate on your older one? Then the little one can crawl all over you and have that whole tactile thing going on, but you and the 5 yo are doing something different at the same time?

Set up something you just know will thrill the little one for 10 mins before you and the older one get stuck in?

Julienoshoes · 15/04/2008 08:26

Others will talk about home educating with little ones-sadly I didn't know about it then.

I will tell you about our experiences with reading though.
All three went to school, all three have dyslexia and associated difficulties, to different degrees.

The youngest was nearly nine when she left school, she was completely unable to read or spell a single word, not even her name ;(
her dyslexia was diagnosed as being very severe. It simply couldn't have been any worse. She had no word attack skills at all according to several experts. She could neither recognise phonics to enable her to sound words out , nor recognise the shapes of words.
She has a very high IQ but believed herself to be totally thick and stupid, because of her experiences in school.
I had been told that she would need one to one help through all of her compulsary education years.

When they first we dereg seven years ago, we did everything we believed we should, that we had been told by the Dyslexia Institute and by her teachers. We tried dyslexia lessons, and Toe by Toe and Reading Reflex. All produced the results of a screaming hysterical child. Even when we limited it to a couple of mins of work.

Eventually we stopped and listened to other more experienced autonomous home educators. We stopped making her work on reading and spelling altogether.
I stopped my mother saying "well what do you think it says" and "let's try and sound it out"
Instead we read to her, we got story tapes from [http://www.calibre.org.uk/decYoungCalibre/modResourcesLibrary/HtmlRenderer/youngindex.html Calibre] and ensured her love of stories-rather than being sacred and hating the written word.

If she asked what a word was, we simply told her.
I was her voice for the written word, wherever we were.
Others in the HE community did it for her, if I wasn't there.
We have had lots and lots of "purposive conversations", we have been to lots of art galleries and museums and workshops.
We have been to the theatre, watched TV/DVDs, films at the cinema.
In short we have let her education run ahead whilst waiting for her reading and spelling ability to catch up.

In school reading spelling and writing are essential tools-as everything is geared up to using them.
The only way of the teacher knowing that all 30 kids in her class have understood what she has said, is when they write it down.
When you are one to one with your child (or one to three in our case) you know instantly whether some point has been understood, by the child's reaction and next question.

We have seen other HE children read late when, they were ready-and very quickly catch up-so you would not notice the difference, but to be honest I don't know of any who have done it so late as our dd2.
We began to see signs when she was around 12 ish-and suddenly she understood what i had repeated before about how to tell the time.
the first time she read the word "Ladies" on the door of the toilets I danced in the corridor of the cinema!

slowly more and more words were recognised.

She is 15 now. She reads and spells very well. I know as I have just proof read a nieces work, her vocabulary and spelling are above that of her schooled cousin.
the same cannot be said of the youngsters she left behind in the remedial classes at school.

She is confident and articulate and well educated. She travels independently around the country to visit her HE peers and to sing and rehearse with the band she is in.
manging bus and train timetables is second nature to her now.
She is fascinated about the root and language base of all words.
She is the one who enjoys scrabble and crossword puzzles with her father.
And the one who now spells words for her siblings that they are struggling with!

So I too would agree with having a look at the Sandra Dodd/autonomous way of doing things.

Read books/magazines to her, get story tapes, let her see that reading is an enjoyable pleasurable thing to do.

NO child will willingly not read-they all want to learn and find their way in this world.

If my Dd2 can do it, then every child can.

Fillyjonk · 15/04/2008 08:37

20 months was peak clingy time for both mine. It got better quite quickly from about 2.

That said, I have 3 under 5 and we are in a similar situation with the eldest wanting to read.

Here is what we do.

  1. remember school isn't 9-3. Its fine to do school-y things at weekends, or evenings, and not on the weekdays.
  1. I often put the younger two in the double pushchair, walk the 3 of them down to the coffee shop in the mornings. The younger two are asleep by the time we get down there and ds and I do reading etc for about an hour.
  1. dp does formal reading stuff with both ds and sometimes dd1 in the evenings while I look after dd2 and dd1.
  1. At weekends, I take ds and dd2 out and do more HEy things while dp has dd1 (they go to the allotnent).
  1. I take them places where dd1 will go off and play and do stuff with ds then

So basically I use nap times (and a pushchair) and dp to get this stuff done. Cunning is also useful.

Its a very temporary thing, imo. You could probably just ride it out if your dd1 wasn't bothered, and dd2 would be much better in a few months.

IlanaK · 15/04/2008 09:05

I home ed my nearly 7 year old and nearly 4 year old. I have to say that it does get easier with the younger ones. I used to try and take advantage of nap times to do the sitting down and working part of the day. And when he was too old for naps, I would sit him at the table with us but with something like playdough or puzzles and sit between them. Things are much easier now that he is older so it will pass. I have another baby due in July so I am sure it will be a readjustment period for us then as I think it often is as the kids get older.

pinkdolly · 17/04/2008 03:36

I'm sorry for not responding, I simply forgot i'd written this. Only just remembered having been awake for over an hour feeling my anxieties over home-schooling.

Thank you for all your replies. They really were useful to put things into perspective. I think i'm just at a low ebb at the moment. I still 100% agree with the reasons I wanted to home- ed originally. I just have niggly feelings.

For instance- A lot of dd1's learning is from life experiences at the moment. So there's not an awful lot of physical evidence (paperwork)of her learning. Though she has a lot of craft work and drawings etc. She is very much into artwork at the moment. I fear that if we had an unannounced visit from the LEA they would be less then happy with the evidence of learning.

Though in reality I know enough about home-ed to know that I can simply give them our philosophy and that should be enough.

I knew about the reading as well really and in te past have always said that she doesn't need to be pushed into reading because I am here to be able to read things for her. Whereas at school the child's learning is helped or hindered by their ability or non-ability to read.

I am just having doubts about a lot of the home-ed ideas and concepts that I used to be happy with.

Am I doing enough? am I giving her enough stimulation? Am I giving her the extra attention that I wanted to considering dd3 is so clingy? etc etc...

Is it natural to go through times like this?

Thanx again for all your suggestions I will try and put some of them in practice. Now i'm just off to find out a bit more about Sandra Dodd.

OP posts:
Julienoshoes · 17/04/2008 07:48

Yes it is normal pinkdolly, to feel that way.
It is oh so easy for me to talk as confidently as i do, as ours are at the end of their home ed and I am seeing the results of it for them and for the masses of home ed teens that i know.

Have you come across the Early Years HE email support group?
it is linked to the Muddle Puddle site
There will be loads of people there who are in exactly the same situation as you. And others who have come through it.

And for unschooling perspective on reading (and learning through life) I like Joyfully Rejoycing

terramum · 17/04/2008 08:23

Have you written your educational philosphy, list of resources and a document showing how you use the resources to follow the ed phil?

...setting all my ideas & thoughts down on paper (well screen actually LOL) has helped me feel a lot better about what I am doing, or not doing as we are autonomous ...as well as helping me feel more prepared should the LA suddenly appear.

Every time I feel a bit nervous I go back & re-read my ed phil etc or re-word it, add something I've forgotten etc or read old messages on some of the HE yahoo groups..because yes, like all other aspects of parenting everyone has doubts about what they are doing occasionally .

Are you a member of the AEUK yahoo group btw?

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