Help my son not fall behind as changing schools

[pw85]

Hi all,

My first time posting on here...

My son is moving to a new SMEH school in September, it's been a long and difficult road to make this decision. He is suspected ADHD/ASD but current school also pushed he has major behavioural issues. He is 6 years old and has had a lot of change in the past couple of years, separated from his dad, moved house/areas and schools where he was in Reception into year 1.

The new school will take a year to focus on emotions, getting him to be happy/comfortable at school and will provide me with more support to manage his behaviour at home (it's never been easy). My question is I don't want him to fall behind with his school work, does anyone use any apps/resources to home school, and which work well? I work full time, so won't have a lot of time, but I'm just so worried he'll regress and forget what he's learnt so far. He is such a smart child, but struggles with large classrooms/noise/sitting still and doing what he's told.

Thanks in advance.

Trust the school. Sounds like they have a great, understanding approach and feeling safe and secure will get him in a good place to focus on the academic learning when he’s ready. Don’t waste your precious time with him trying to push school work. It’s great that he’s got a specialist placement. They should know what they’re doing.

I'd concentrate on making him feel secure and happy. reducing his stress levels, helping him with new friends, and having some fun. Read with him, spend time outside and learning through play.

Let the school lead on his academic learning.

I wouldn't be doing too much very formal learning at home other than lots of reading of all different types of books. You might find he prefers non fiction, play scripts and poems to fiction of he is autistic, my DD certainly does and reading to him is as valuable as him reading to you so take the pressure off.

If he enjoys doing workbooks which my DD did then it's great but I wouldn't be making it a stressful point at home, he'll pick everything up fast enough when he goes back.

Lots of trips out at the weekend to art galleries and museums, lots of art and craft materials etc for him to explore and use. Other than that keep home low demand, plenty of time to rest and recover from social 'hangovers'. I would try to keep to minimal screentime on tablets and personal devices, they can soothe ND children fantastically BUT it becomes addict quickly.

I think the school is right in prioritising your son's emotional state and tackling formal education later. This is the same approach home educators usually recommend in the case of a child who leaves school traumatised. Kids can't learn until they feel calm and happy. Putting academic demands on them when they aren't ready will backfire.

Also, in home education there is no fear of "falling behind" because the education is individual and the child can go at their own pace. I don't have much knowledge of special schools, but I would imagine it's the same there. They aren't going to have your son in a classroom with 30 other six year olds all working on a roughly similar academic level, are they?

Regressing only happens if the child didn't learn something properly in the first place, or if they are feeling so overwhelmed that they can't focus.

Do things with your child which make him happy. Some of those things might involve learning - maybe he likes watching documentaries or planning complex Lego creations - but it doesn't have to be adult-led formal learning. Pay attention to his environment and what he's doing whenever he's calm and content. He'll show you what he needs.

No it's council, I have no doubts about the school environment, they are lovely and actually want my son there. He will no longer be constantly suspended and I'm hoping we'll have a much happier home as a result.

I guess you hear they won't do any English or Maths for a year, and I suppose I just panicked as even with all of his issues he's still managed to mostly keep up. He's been one on one with a TA for a year though so I know he couldn't carry on this way.

I have found that with screen time, although like you say sometimes it helps him to calm/focus. The problem I have is when he's not occupied his play isn't always appropriate. Every game involves doing things he shouldn't, playing with my tools, quite rough with his sister/kitten, swinging/snapping my rotary washing line etc. Probably sounds like we have no boundaries, but I honestly do try and have consequences for his actions but it's getting harder and harder to parent him. He is such a bright child which means he's already ahead of the game in terms of pushing boundaries. We have rules on the wall, reward charts and I often get 'I don't care' as a response.

Thanks for all the tips, he does love reading plays and none fiction so I've already thought about looking for books on subjects he enjoys. I don't know if he will ever go back to mainstream and if not then I worry he will have gaps in his learning but it's so nice to think maybe I can just relax and focus on being a better parent rather than trying to be a teacher as well!

So it sounds like he needs to be physical, so don't sit down with workbooks get him up and out. Look into bushcraft type groups particularly those that specialise in home education groups as they will be familiar with children with autism more so than your volunteer scout helper. If he can't access it in a group environment see if they will do 1:1 and teach him how to use tools safely, until he us comfortable with a group.

Get him some robust play equipment, a swing set with a space hopper attached (that is properly converted in) can be fantastic to push to get that sensory input.

Keep his sister and the kitten away from him when unsupervised.

Gaps in his learning at that age are inconsequential. I used to teach at secondary school the number of children (even bright ones) who start off not being able to measure accurately using a measuring cylinder, zero a scale, use a stop watch etc was astounding all easy skills to teach at home through play. The subject content is taught from scratch and misconceptions address as children arrive having covered different things from different primary schools so it's normal to bring them up to the same level.

The ability to learn though is important, that means a relaxed nervous system and a regulated system allowing the child to sit and listen, to listen and write, to follow instructions, to ignore distractions are key in a mainstream school and in my opinion far more important than worrying about gaps on Australian history or the Fire of London.

In terms of screen time, avoid modern cartoons they are so fast paced they activate the nervous system that's what the issue with them is, you want shows and games where the background is still with the characters moving or programmes with real people Sesame Street, Horrible Histories etc are far better

I agree with the others I would look at less formal ways of learning and lots of books.

Not doing formal academic work doesn’t mean DS won’t be doing any maths or English. There are lots of practical ways they can be included without being the main focus. For example, DS may cook/bake, which will involve weighing things out or reading a recipe. Or if suitable, the school may take DS to the shop/cafe/on the bus to practice money skills and speaking and listening.

If you do want something focusing on English and Maths, you could look at Wordshark and Numbershark. They work well for lots (but not all) of DC with SEN.

A diagnosis isn’t required in order for a child to have a special school named in an EHCP. Some specialist schools require a diagnosis e.g. some autism specialist schools require a formal autism diagnosis, but by no means all and OP says it is a SEMH school. SEMH needs are a type of SEN.

I don't have experience with a child who is exuberant and who's prone to damaging things, but I've seen other families cope with these challenges using two techniques. First, getting out in nature works well, because there's less "precious stuff" to damage. Holes can be dug, sticks broken, leaves chucked around without anyone having to worry about anything being wrecked. That means the child doesn't feel the weight of being restrained/controlled and has fewer experiences of failing to meet others' requirements. Likewise the parent can be more relaxed as there's less need to intervene, so they're less stressed too.

Second, playing with bigger children is easier. They are more robust and need less protection. Often they are more tolerant than same-age kids. They may have the maturity to deal with situations themselves rather than having to involve adults all the time. Younger kids often look up to older ones and naturally want to please them and conform to their expectations, maybe more than they would with adults.

Brilliant advice. We do get out a lot and I'm always happier after we do as I know I've spent most of my day enjoying them rather than having to keep tabs on them. It's quite hard as a single parent as there are times I can't be watching them as I'm generally trying to just keep things ticking over at home. Both children are always so much more settled after we've been out.

Will have a think of some older children around here, also he's spending a lot of time with his uncle which is helping as he really looks up to him and my brother has worked with people with ADHD/ASD so he has more of a clue than I do!