Leaving y6 a few weeks early then to secondary school - unhappy and anxious child

[armwrest]

Hello, my DD is very unhappy in y6 - last few weeks now but it's got to the point where some weeks I get called due to her anxiety almost every day and have to go pick her up. She is also miserable at home and moody. I know there are only a few weeks yet but as it's been like this since the start of the year I am this close to homeschooling for the last few weeks as I can't bear it any more, not least for another 6+ weeks.

I thought it would improve after SATs but hasn't sadly.

We've tried everything with the school but I think it's a combination of lack of close, sustained friendships, some bullying (mostly low level stuff, which comes and goes - we've tried asking school to deal with it but it works a short while then returns), SATS (while they were on), continued pressured schedule post-SATS (the school didn't manage to fit in enough of the curriculum prior to SATS due to revision) and a really unsupportive teacher who is particularly disinterested and she's feeling dejected. It's such a shame as we never had a problem in the previous years.

Does anyone know if I pull her out and home school for the last few weeks if it will affect her year 7 place at secondary?

And if anyone has any tips in general on this situation I would welcome them.

Thank you!

No, it will make no difference to her place in secondary school.

No it won’t effect the secondary place, I would contact the secondary school and let them know though so they can ensure you are aware of all the transition dates - they may have extra transition for those who may find it harder too.

enjoy your summer together and I hope secondary works out better for her.

@BumBumCream @Sirzy thank you both. It's been a long road to get to this and I do it very reluctantly but can't bear to see her so unhappy any more.

It will be tough as I am a LP but it's only for a few weeks now.

I am checking with the local authority to be sure and see what the procedure is.

I'd check 2 things with the LA:
That her secondary place wasn't linked to her primary place (ie a feeder school). Tho I suspect you would know if this was the case.
And that the LA are crystal clear you are not withdrawing to permanently HE, and you still want the secondary place.

I'd also confirm to Secondary what you are doing, and that you absolutely do want a place in September.

@DoublePeonies thank you, this is very helpful. I don't think it is a feeder school but definitely worth double checking. And also noted that I need to be crystal clear that she intends to return in year 7 / Sept and inform the secondary school. Makes sense to double up just in case, you're right.

Local Authorities vary hugely in their approach to dealing with home educating families. There is no mandatory training for staff, and many are shockingly clueless about anxiety, special needs, and how HE works in practice. They may get in touch quite soon to ask about the education you are providing to your child. The usual advice from home ed charities is to produce a report for the LA at most once a year. However, in your case that probably isn't a good use of your time. Even if the LA decided your child's education wasn't up to scratch, they would need to go through a longwinded process to identify any failings, correspond with you, offer you a chance to improve, and finally take you to court. You could probably avoid any detailed discussions altogether by just reminding them that you already have a school place lined up for September. A sensible LA won't bother with you in the meantime and will simply check back in the autumn to verify that your child is no longer HE.

If you want any advice about home education - which you might not since it's only for a short while - you'll get better support from other HE families, who tend to be quite welcoming and helpful. The best way to find them is on Facebook. Go to the FB search bar and type "home education" followed by the name of your town, county, or nearest big city. If you think you might need to return to home ed at some future time, now could be a good chance to look around and see what's on offer in terms of local social and educational events run by other parents. Most of those are paused over the summer holidays, so you'd need to have a look at them pretty soon.

It is up to you to decide what subjects to cover and how. There are no required subjects, and you don't have to have timetabled lessons. You can let your child learn flexibly and informally if you prefer, rather than sitting down with books. I'd suggest that over such a short space of time, you don't need to invest a lot of energy into trying to devise the ideal programme. You could just let your daughter do some projects on topics which interest her, or take her to some museums while they're quiet in term-time, offer her the chance to read whatever she wants from the library, watch documentaries together, play with a science kit or get some new art supplies she has been wanting, make a head start on whichever foreign language she'll be doing at high school... an ad hoc approach with plenty of downtime is perfectly fine.

Above all else, encourage her to use this time to relax and recover and do things which make her happy. Look at the big picture of improving her state of mind. You don't have to argue with her over completing a certain number of pages in a maths workbook if she doesn't feel ready for that. This can be a pleasant time, an opportunity to explore her interests and simply learn, without any performance pressure.

Tbh I wouldn't do anything formal that flags you up to the LA or your new school. Couldn't you go to the GP and get them to sign her off school for a couple of weeks and just use the time at home to relax, do some maths/English books and generally whatever rebuilds her confidence?
I'd be trying to ensure she doesn't lose touch socially though, especially if you know who she'll be in secondary school with.
Additional transition time is a good idea, and you should use the transition day to get contacts/ start a WhatsApp group with the new moms so you can organise some meet ups over the summer before she starts.
Basically to build her confidence and get her excited about her new school.
You could get her some new clothes too / maybe a new haircut so she feels she looks more grown up and feels better in herself.
Does she do any out of school clubs with other kids that might help her social confidence?
Then if she starts feeling better and hasn't lost touch with her current schoolmates she might be up for going back for the last couple of weeks of school - esp if there's a leavers party.
I wouldn't worry too much about what she'll miss educationally at this point, it's more just about keeping in touch but focussing on building her confidence

@Saracen I agree with this:

Above all else, encourage her to use this time to relax and recover and do things which make her happy. Look at the big picture of improving her state of mind. You don't have to argue with her over completing a certain number of pages in a maths workbook if she doesn't feel ready for that. This can be a pleasant time, an opportunity to explore her interests and simply learn, without any performance pressure.

@Userxyd @Saracen thank you both for your informative and helpful posts, which I am taking note of carefully and will be referencing going forward. Really appreciate it.