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just wondering (bit of a ramble - sorry)

6 replies

redpyjamas · 14/03/2008 23:25

How much total time do your children spend doing formal stuff each day? I'm asking those of you non-autonomous home-edders (i.e. I want to compare like for like).

I know that children learn loads just from living and asking questions and playing. So, really I want to keep the formal stuff to an absolute minimum.

By 'formal stuff', I really mean absolutely ANYTHING that I have asked of them, or even something that they have chosen that I agree is 'educational' or 'productive' or 'providing them with variety' - not just table work. E.g. painting, cooking, sewing, writing a story, doing puzzles.

I so want my girls to have a lot of time each day just playing. Particularly my oldest dd (7). She loves playing in solitude, and gets really involved with her pretend games.

But, I know that the things I require of them have value (and they have reaped many of the benefits already). We are not the sort of family that total autonomy would work for, and it would stress me.

My trouble (more in my own mind when I'm feeling wobbly) is that I feel like on the days we have at our disposal (because quite a few days a week are taken up with other out-and-about things, so little formal stuff takes place - which is fine) it feels like they spend ages doing my stuff, and then feel put out that they've not had enough play time. They generally do enjoy/not mind doing my set stuff. Just that it seems to take too long. Also, I have to say that the oldest sometimes manages to make a 10 minute task take 40 minutes. She has no concept that time goes on ticking by regardless, and that her dawdling means less play time later.

Obviously, they still get a lot more than they would if they were at school, and had to go to bed earlier etc. But still it feels not enough. For them, and for me.

I feel so desperate to give them the happy childhood that every child deserves.

So, back to the original question...how many hours do yours spend doing things that you have asked of them? Maybe easier to say it spread over a week, rather than daily.

Sorry this is so long. I hope you made it to the end...

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motherhurdicure · 15/03/2008 13:25

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Stopfighting · 15/03/2008 19:42

My ds is 11 and we aim for around 3 hours a day of formal work.

redpyjamas · 16/03/2008 17:02

motherhurdicure - what does your seven year old do in that hour? Do you count reading together in that time?

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motherhurdicure · 17/03/2008 13:01

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redpyjamas · 17/03/2008 22:42

motherhurdicure - no she's never been to school. I think sometimes she moans because she can't fully appreciate how much time to herself she gets (and time with friends, and doing her clubs etc.) I find I have to count everything in as 'work time' (or whatever you would call it) even if it is something that she loves doing. And that includes non-academic stuff too (e.g. tidying room). Just for the fact that I have asked for her attention. If she feels like she hasn't had long to play in solitude, she gets upset. So do I. But however I look at it, I can't reasonably further decrease what I ask of her.
I suspect I just need need to accept her complaining and making me feel rubbish, while she learns the notion that if she actually applies herself, she could do her 'work' in a couple of hours and then have the entire day at her disposal. But she can drag a five min task out to take 30 mins at time. Thankfully, this is not every day.
Is this similar to your experience?
How do you tackle reading/writing/maths?

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motherhurdicure · 18/03/2008 10:20

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