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Home ed

Find advice from other parents on our Homeschool forum. You may also find our round up of the best online learning resources useful.

Dd unhappy at school - considering home Ed until I find a nice private school

7 replies

Whatnowwww7 · 18/10/2023 11:28

DD (age 8) is struggling at school. Not academically, but she’s introverted so she’s struggling socially. She also finds it all very “boring”. She cries a lot, begging me not to send her.

I am considering home schooling until I find her a lovely, nurturing private school. Something small and cosy.

She isn’t ND, and the only people I know who home school do so because of ND. We live in London so there seem to be plenty of local groups. But I’m just wondering how to start, really. And if it’s unusual to be home schooled if you’re NT?!

OP posts:
Saracen · 18/10/2023 13:35

Hi! Yes, people home educate for all sorts of reasons: unmet special needs, no nearby school, parental preference, unresolved bullying, wanting more time for sports/hobbies/performing, or just that their child isn't happy at school. There's no wrong reason.

How to start... In part that will depend how long you plan to be doing it. If you are home educating in the long term then you can afford to let your child learn things at any age and in any order they want, as they are ready. For example, both of my kids learned to read and write at a later age than school would have required. That didn't impair their education at all, because they had one-to-one attention and could learn through discussion, observation, hand-on activities, and me reading to them. But if you plan a return to school in the near future, you probably want to keep up the skills which are valued there, so your child won't struggle when she goes.

Even so, you don't have to be too focused on exactly matching the school curriculum. Many topics aren't covered at a standard age at school anyway and it's no big deal whether your child has done each topic, so long as she is learning overall. For instance, if she joins a private school when she's ten, maybe her classmates will have done the Romans already and she hasn't, or vice versa, but that wouldn't hold her back. Most HE parents who plan a return to school just ensure they are working on reading, writing, and maths and then do whatever else they like or whatever their child has an interest in.

One common piece of advice from home educators is that when you start, give your child a complete break from any adult-led "schoolwork" for a while, especially if she has been unhappy at school. Let her do whatever she enjoys while she recovers. Stressed and anxious people don't learn well. With this in mind, it follows that if you are fairly sure home ed is worth a try, there's no reason to delay. You don't have to have all your ducks in a row before sending in the letter of deregistration: just go for it and figure out the details later.

While your daughter is easing in to home education, you can take your time to start looking around at different resources and thinking what you might like to try. There are no rules about what you have to cover, so it really is up to you. Don't spend too much money just at first, in case you buy something which doesn't suit and then you feel stuck with it, which could sour the whole home ed experience. There are free and cheap trials of online programmes. Libraries and online video documentaries are useful. You may be able to borrow materials from other local HE families to see what you like. Go along to some home ed groups and chat with people about what they use. There's huge choice, so keep experimenting until it feels right. Unlike schools, you don't have to have a grand plan and stick with it. You can afford to take time to adapt to exactly what your daughter most needs and enjoys.

There's no risk of her being "left behind" as she might at school, so if you can't find a maths curriculum to suit her just at first, you can pause with that subject until you do. When she's engaged, she'll learn incredibly fast. You don't need anywhere near the six hours which might be expected at school. Relax, play, go out to interesting places.

Validus · 18/10/2023 13:41

I’d add- are you sure she’s NT? My DD masks well but it’s all coming apart at age 10 and we’ve been invited to speak to the SEN Co.

TwigTheWonderKid · 18/10/2023 13:53

Where in London are you? My sons went to a lovely, small, nurturing state primary with an imaginative curriculum, lots of amazing trips and lots of outdoor play and learning. Private schools don't have a monopoly on all of that.

Whatnowwww7 · 18/10/2023 15:07

Validus · 18/10/2023 13:41

I’d add- are you sure she’s NT? My DD masks well but it’s all coming apart at age 10 and we’ve been invited to speak to the SEN Co.

She’s definitely NT. I have an ND other child who has ADHD so I have done a lot of reading around neurodiversity. I am also a teacher and have done all sorts of roles, including ones helping kids with EHCPs.

OP posts:
Whatnowwww7 · 18/10/2023 15:08

Saracen · 18/10/2023 13:35

Hi! Yes, people home educate for all sorts of reasons: unmet special needs, no nearby school, parental preference, unresolved bullying, wanting more time for sports/hobbies/performing, or just that their child isn't happy at school. There's no wrong reason.

How to start... In part that will depend how long you plan to be doing it. If you are home educating in the long term then you can afford to let your child learn things at any age and in any order they want, as they are ready. For example, both of my kids learned to read and write at a later age than school would have required. That didn't impair their education at all, because they had one-to-one attention and could learn through discussion, observation, hand-on activities, and me reading to them. But if you plan a return to school in the near future, you probably want to keep up the skills which are valued there, so your child won't struggle when she goes.

Even so, you don't have to be too focused on exactly matching the school curriculum. Many topics aren't covered at a standard age at school anyway and it's no big deal whether your child has done each topic, so long as she is learning overall. For instance, if she joins a private school when she's ten, maybe her classmates will have done the Romans already and she hasn't, or vice versa, but that wouldn't hold her back. Most HE parents who plan a return to school just ensure they are working on reading, writing, and maths and then do whatever else they like or whatever their child has an interest in.

One common piece of advice from home educators is that when you start, give your child a complete break from any adult-led "schoolwork" for a while, especially if she has been unhappy at school. Let her do whatever she enjoys while she recovers. Stressed and anxious people don't learn well. With this in mind, it follows that if you are fairly sure home ed is worth a try, there's no reason to delay. You don't have to have all your ducks in a row before sending in the letter of deregistration: just go for it and figure out the details later.

While your daughter is easing in to home education, you can take your time to start looking around at different resources and thinking what you might like to try. There are no rules about what you have to cover, so it really is up to you. Don't spend too much money just at first, in case you buy something which doesn't suit and then you feel stuck with it, which could sour the whole home ed experience. There are free and cheap trials of online programmes. Libraries and online video documentaries are useful. You may be able to borrow materials from other local HE families to see what you like. Go along to some home ed groups and chat with people about what they use. There's huge choice, so keep experimenting until it feels right. Unlike schools, you don't have to have a grand plan and stick with it. You can afford to take time to adapt to exactly what your daughter most needs and enjoys.

There's no risk of her being "left behind" as she might at school, so if you can't find a maths curriculum to suit her just at first, you can pause with that subject until you do. When she's engaged, she'll learn incredibly fast. You don't need anywhere near the six hours which might be expected at school. Relax, play, go out to interesting places.

This is super helpful! Thank you so much!

OP posts:
Whatnowwww7 · 18/10/2023 15:09

TwigTheWonderKid · 18/10/2023 13:53

Where in London are you? My sons went to a lovely, small, nurturing state primary with an imaginative curriculum, lots of amazing trips and lots of outdoor play and learning. Private schools don't have a monopoly on all of that.

This is her second primary - we moved from one part of London to another. I don’t want to move her to another state school. She’s been happy before so I don’t think the private sector has any sort of monopoly, but I really want her to go somewhere small, with small class sizes, and very nurturing. I work in schools, I know that isn’t easy in a state primary - 30 kids per class is a lot!

OP posts:
homeEd2021 · 19/10/2023 11:33

Why is she bored? Is there a big mismatch between the level of work she is offered and what she is capable of? Could she be gifted, i.e. top 2-3% of ability? That in itself can cause both boredom and social anxiety as a result of feeling different and having difficulty finding true peers (and FWIW can also mask neurodiversity so that it looks very different).
I would want to get to the bottom of why current school is not working before picking a new school. But if she is not happy in the short term, then yes, I would home school. It is not just for ND children and you can't put a price on mental heath.

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