where to start with 5 year old

[Lcw29]

I'm going to be taking my son out if year 1 as he's possibly got asd/adhd abd is finding g school overwhelming. He meltsdown alot and has gotten really angry.

Anything structured freaks him out so where would you suggest I start? Just looking for ideas to help us find our way without the stress.

You don't have to do anything structured! I never have. My two are now 17 and 24, and that has worked out great for them. They have sometimes chosen to do formal study - the older one is at university now - but it was never imposed by me.

Of course, you also don't have to have detailed long-term plans, so there is no need to commit to this or any other specific approach. Just find whatever works for your child at this moment. As he gets older, things will change: his maturity, your circumstances, his attention span, his confidence, his ambitions. Then you will need to adjust what you're doing. It's a constant process, just like parenting has been. I'm sure when your little boy was six months old you couldn't have predicted what it would be like to parent him in five years' time!

The usual advice from experienced home educators is, when a child first comes out of school (especially if he had a traumatic time there), just give him time. Make no academic demands. Encourage him to do whatever makes him happy and relaxed, whether that is jigsaw puzzles, water play, watching TV, baking, or digging in the garden. This process is called deschooling. Some parents will move on from that to a more formal educational style if they feel that is best for their kids; others like me stick with it for years, maybe forever.

Children learn from everything around them, even when we don't require them to sit and listen and produce academic output. Even if you don't really agree with me about that, it must be recognised that some countries don't even start formal learning until children are seven, and still their kids get a good education, so you can afford to wait for a few years more.

Thank you. That makes alot of sense. I think he is burnt-out to be honest . He's not been his happy self for awhile and I want him to enjoy learning again. I definitely feel it's the right option for him to home ed.

It also isn't essential to jump into a whirlwind of home ed groups and activities to try to replace school. Many people worry that their kids will be isolated and lonely if they are out of school. That is a potential problem, but it isn't an immediate one.

You'll know when your son is getting bored and lonely, and you can start exploring social opportunities then. The challenges of new environments might be more than he is ready for right now. While he recovers from school, he might enjoy chilling with you for a while, being with the person who loves him best and understands him and has patience with him and time for him.

To reassure yourself about what's available, you might like to join your local home ed Facebook group right now, chat online with other parents in the area, and so on. Eventually you might spot something you think your boy would love. Or he might start to ask about seeing other kids, and then you can look into group meet-ups or see whether another family would meet you for one-to-one park play or something.

Of course, there are other places to find friends besides home ed groups. After your son has relaxed and has the energy for it, you might hang out at a local park at regular times in hopes of forming friendships there, or try Beaver Scouts, drama, or Lego club. Personally my family has always found home ed friendships easier to maintain, simply because HE kids have more time on their hands and are more available for playdates, but many HE kids do rely on friendships with schooled friends and that works for them - that's a bigger pool and you are more likely to find a compatible schoolchild who lives three doors up the road than you are to find a home ed kid who is super local.

The Local Authority may get in touch soon after you remove your son from school, asking about how you are educating him. Many LAs mislead parents by implying that the LA's own procedures have the force of law. They don't. For example, you don't have to accept a home visit from them.

However, it is wise not to ignore them altogether, because they do have the power to take legal action against you. The usual advice is when they contact you, ask them to put it in writing. Then you aren't put on the spot, but can show the letter to people and take advice on what your options are and whether you have to do what's being asked of you. You could post the letter here or on another home ed forum.

Some LA staff don't understand home education very well, and it's sensible to explain what you are doing in terms they can understand. Legally, you must provide a suitable education from day one, but it doesn't have to look anything like school. If you are giving your son a break initially from formal school-style learning, don't describe it as taking time out or doing nothing. It is child-led, play-based learning. You can give examples of what you have seen your son learn from that. There are plenty of experienced HE parents who will be happy to help you word it in a way that the LA will understand.