Overwhelmed

[Rachaelc1981]

Hi, was just wondering if anyone else feels the same as me ! I have been home schooling 2 of my children since the first lockdown so over 3 years now. My sons are 8 and 12. I am desperate for them to go back into school but feel they are not ready to return. I am so overwhelmed by having them at home 24/7 and having to home school them. They are very easily distracted and are very difficult to focus and concentrate on their work. I’ve explained how important going back to school is for so many reasons. I have a 2 year old to look after at the same time as doing their school work. I just feel like I’m surrounded by children all the time and have no adult interaction. My husband works so I’m on my own a lot of the time. I hope I’m not alone in this. Not sure how people can respond, I just wanted to have a little winge about my life 😢

Are there any homeschooling groups near you that you could join and socialise with parents like yourself?
I've found if I get my DS's lessons done and out of the way by lunchtime, we can go out and do something in the afternoon. Takes the pressure off a bit.
I do sympathise. When my DS18 was studying for his GCSES with me, I thought I'd never leave the kitchen table. It is hard, but so, so worth it.

Send them to school. There's never going to be a 'right time'

There is so much for them to gain by being in school that, as you are already overwhelmed, you will not be able to provide for them.

Do you have any pension provision in your own right (as an aside)?

I have just sent my DD back after home eding for 3 years. It was her choice and came out of the blue. I was very surprised when she suggested it as she had previously been dead against the idea but I went with it when I saw my chance. I had lots of reservations, especially since she has suspected ASD and we are awaiting a diagnosis. It has been a lot easier than I expected. I wouldn't over think so much it if I ever had to do it again. And if it's terrible, I can always take her back out. What's stopping you?

In what way are they not ready, and what sort of signs are you looking for as 'readiness'? It's a short post so maybe I'm reading too much between the lines, but you sound like you are carrying a lot of guilt? I'm sure you don't need to.

Given they are home with a two year old, you may find they focus better in school. Especially the 12 year old. I'd definitely look into getting him started at secondary while he's still.one of the younger ones in the school and it'll be easier to make friends. If it doesn't feel right you can always go back to homeschooling down the line.

That sounds really tough for you. There are a couple of ways forward, I should think. As others have said, don't be too quick to assume that your children wouldn't be okay in school. Schools should be able to cope with a range of abilities and attainments. You might be pleasantly surprised. You could try it and see. Even if it only works for one child, that would still lighten the load on you.

Secondly, can you get out more, maybe to local home education groups, with a view to making home ed work better for you? You could chat with the other parents while the kids play. They might also have ideas about different educational approaches which could suit your children better. For example, a hands-on approach following their interests might be more successful than formal school-style "work". I've never tried to make my kids do "work"; there are other ways to learn. One of mine in particular has a very short attention span and the school approach would have been a disaster for her. I can't imagine trying to get her to do workbooks etc. She learns mainly by doing and talking and watching videos.

I think I’m worried for my youngest who is 8, it took so much to get hi. To settle into school, he hated being away from his family and home, but bloody typical, he just gets settled then the pandemic hits. I bring the subject up now and again about him going back and how nice it would be and how much he would do but he just says he doesn’t want to leave us again. My eldest who is 12 has just started high school at home obviously but I’m worried they are behind in where they should be. It’s a big decision for everyone but I must admit I feel like I have massively failed them over the last 3 years and they are going to pay the price when they eventually return 😢

Thank you for your reply. I’m all honesty, I do feel guilty, I don’t feel like I have supported them or helped them as much as I could have. My 12 year old is very immature for his age so I know school would help him develop, I’m just worried incase he doesn’t fit in or gets bullied or struggles with the work as he really struggles at home and has done when he was at school.

Yeah both of mine really struggle to stay focussed. I have all the tools so to speak as in online schooling etc. I’m just scared in making the move but it’s too much to do especially with a 2 year old who I have sat on my knee watching bloody YouTube !! Urgh ! What to do 🤯

Honestly, everyone who home educates has moments of panic that they aren't doing enough or that their children may be behind. The fact that you are feeling overwhelmed means you are probably doing too much.
Like pp said, maybe speaking with others who homeschool would help you put it into perspective.
From my point of view, now the eldest DS is finished, I do an hour of one subject a day with DS8 (ASD) on a two week rolling timetable. And whatever Maths, English, Art or Understanding needs covering with DS4. That gives us time to get out and see people or do something.
Do you mind me asking how many hours you are doing homeschooling?
Also, if your DS truly does not want to return and you deep down don't want him to, then don't. It will be traumatic for both of you.

The thing is, I do want him to return to school as it really helped bring him out of his shell when he first went to school in year 1. I tend to start schooling about 10-10.30ish, give them a little free time in morning to watch tv etc then finish about 3ish depending on how much they do. I’ve even found myself doing work during holidays because I know they are behind. Trouble is they bounce off each other and if one starts talking the other joins in or thinks of a reason to get up from dining table just to stop working for a few mins. By the end of the day I’m totally fed up, feeling so down and thinking what’s the point, then think right tomorrow is a new day I’m going to do this, then they play up and I’m back to thinking ah I can’t do this 😢

Could you do them separately? Do one while the other one chills and then swap? Have them in separate rooms.

I do work during the holidays too by the way, given that DS8 can only handle an hour a day I have to stretch the curriculum out to 50 odd weeks a year. You aren't alone in that.

do they do any online subjects or home Ed groups in person? Physical activities? Check your local Facebook home Ed page for details. It sounds like they need variety. home Ed doesn’t need to replicate school.

Thank you for your replies. My home is big enough to seperate them but they would take full advantage of being alone as in switching to YouTube on laptop then quickly switching back if I came in the room !! Ah they are smart when they want to be !! Haha. They do Oak academy and BBC bitesize and I have just gotten Year 4 work books for my 8 year old so there is plenty of variety and information. They are just so difficult to keep their interests and I think that’s what’s made them fall behind as I’m constantly saying come on less talking concentrate on your lesson etc

You're not doing them any favours. The 8 yo might not want to leave you but he won't be joined to mummy's hip when he's 18. He might be lacking qualifications though.

Seriously you don't want to do it. They aren't focused. Just send them back. They are falling behind. If they get poor qualifications it's you they'll blame because ultimately no matter how hard they resisted the decision was yours not theirs.

I say that as someone who was home schooled a lot and it was suffocating never to be away from mum in the end.

Have a look at "unschooling " which follows the child's interests eg via hands on projects and real life experiences and interactions rather than table top work.

All your posts to me, scream that you want them to go to school and home education isn't doing it anymore.
There's nothing wrong with sending them to school and changing your mind.
Your heart has to be in it if you're educating them at home
You're just going to have but the bullet and make the decision and do it

Do either of them want to try school? If so, maybe it is something to look into, but if neither are interested I wouldn't try it yet.

Have you tried structured online classes? There are some very affordable options available now (things like £2 tuition hub).

Do you have access to local groups? Maybe a few sports/fun activities outside of the house are much needed.

I home Ed both of my dc, neither went to any type of school/nursery. When oldest was secondary school age, he wanted to desperately try school. We agreed, he was even happy to go through the 11+. The short of the long is, he has happily settled into the grammar school.
The youngest is still home Ed, has no interest in going to a physical school, and until she isn't ready I won't be pushing it. We do, however, use online tutors for some subjects (such as maths and French). With lots of other activities out of the house, things seem to work so far.

Hope you manage to find a solution that works for you all 😊

Do either of them want to try school? If so, maybe it is something to look into, but if neither are interested I wouldn't try it yet.

because allowing kids to opt out of education when they aren't focused at home is such a good idea.

I did the same..preferred bumming around at home. When I didn't pass maths or science gcses and realised how limited my proescts were if I didn't do something (take resits at college) my prospects were limited.

I finally asked my mother why on earth she didn't send me back to school as now I had few qualifications. Her response was that I didn't want to go back. 😫

She was the adult and it was her choice not mine. She should have sent me back and I told her that.

Op hates it, the kids aren't focused. They need to go back.

Very late to this post but @Rachaelc1981 have you ever looked into ADHD? There are ADHD checklists online. If the behaviours do tick a lot of the boxes, you can ask your GP to refer DC to CAMHS (bring in a printed list of applicable traits). We did this for one DC and once on meds, she was able (and wanted) to go to school and could focus like the other children. It really levelled the playing field for her. It was actually helpful that she wasn't in school as it proved her level of need (for one to one learning in a very quiet environment).

Thank you for your reply, I really appreciate the information you have given. I will absolutely look into that. Both myself and my husband have thought there might be something with both of the children. I’m glad your daughter’s situation has improved and she’s now back in school. She must feel so much better in herself plus you must as well. Once again thank you x

Again very late but @Goodornot , you do realise that putting a child into school doesn't equal a successful outcome necessarily, right? There are plenty of students coming out with no GCSEs or very low grades. It sounds like your mum was being a good parent by letting you be a part of the decision-making. Had she made you go to school, perhaps you would have been one of the many students I've seen when working in a school that spend the day wandering, hiding, and avoiding classes at all costs. It isn't black or white.

I liked school when i was there and got merits in science when I was there on the few terms she bothered to send me.

Because she took me out again and didn't send me back I don't have a GCSE in any science subject because I missed too much school.

With the right support I was a good and capable student. She'd rather be like the op though and neglect her kids for her own agenda

I beg your pardon, I don’t neglect my kids thank you very much. You don’t know my situation so you can’t comment on things you don’t know. Don’t dare say I neglect my kids