Should I home ed my struggling son who loves 'some' elements of school

[Kemma]

My son is 8 and has been through 4 schools. Left the first because of bullying, 2nd cos we moved, 3rd cos we moved. He did well in his third school, but very poorly in the first two which has left him about 2 years behind in literacy and maths, he is also mildly dyslexic. He likes his current school, has lots of friends, plays violin, enjoys learning etc having been there nearly a year and they are 'aware' of his issues. HOWEVER he says he is being told off all the time for writing too slowly in all his different classes and is kept in at break to finish off work etc, he has said for the past 2 weeks he want's to be HE'd (he knows all about it from years of discussion)

Yesterday he told me that sometimes he can't read what is written on the board so he is copying it down letter by letter, not knowing what he is writing...then getting told off for slow work etc I am so sorry for him and I have been in tears all day, thinking what he has been going through.

It is a very highly rates school with excellent results, but I feel in some ways that is why they are ignoring his issues as it will impact on their reputation... I asked if he could be placed in the year group below when we started and they said "no, trust us, he will be fine" I have since found out that shows on their performance tables, and being in his current class doesn't suit him fine!

My worry is that he is VERY social, I don't have endless funds to take him to groups, on outings, and for additional lessons in violin etc. I also find doing new things quite hard and I worry that will impact on the groups he might join...

This morning he cried before school because he was scared of being told off again... but every day when I pick him up he raves about what a good time he had, why it is the best school he has been to and what he did with his friends and the interesting topics they are doing... then he tells me how he was kept back or told off in a quiet sad undertone.

I have spoken to the school and they just reassure me things are ok...even though I have had to pick his teacher up on wrongly marked homework among other things.

What do you think? Take him out and deprive him of friends etc or leave him in and have his confidence battered???? I know the obvious one is to take him out, but I don't want him to loose the good bits and can't think of how I can compensate to make them up.

I have never posted here before, but trust you will be nice people.

Do you think he REALLY wants to be HEd ? Or would he be happier at school if the probs were sorted ?

If he would rather be at school, then I think you need to speak more directly to the school (class teacher and headteacher). When they tell you he is fine, TELL THEM that he is not, that he has been crying. If he cannot manage to keep up with the class without being kept in, then insist he is put into the lower class (or would this not be a good idea now he has established friendships ?)

Plenty of others here will be able to give you advice about HEing. Personally, I don't think that you need pots of money to keep kids busy and they don't need to be 'kept' busy all the time anyway. But only you know if your DS will have significantly fewer opportunities if you HE.

hello Kemma
Where abouts do you live?
Would it be worth contacting home educating folks locally to see what they get up to?

For us, home education has led to a much better social life for our children than they ever had in school, so I really do think going along and chatting to home educators in real life would be helpful-I have found them to be helpful and supportive.

Home education can cost as much or as little as you like.
We save money by not having to provide school meals, school shoes, the latest designer wear trainer/clothes, school uniform.

We buy books and resources at car boots, Ebay and charity shops.
We use Sun newspaper holidays, special offer Travelodge rooms and home ed camps and gatherings.

The children know our funds are limited, but would still choose to be home educated any day, rather than go to school-even when that means I would be able to work more and buy so much and pay for a newer car/more expensive holidays etc
It has simply been a case of giving them the information about the funds available -and they have chosen their priorities.

Can you get the school to formally assess his dyslexia again, or can you afford to have his skills level privately assessed with a view to getting a tutor in to help him catch up? If the school cannot provide the necessary one-to-one that he needs is there an alternative? It sounds to me that this is what he needs, not HE... maybe you should post on the SN boards for advice on getting the school to provide hum with what is needed for him to help with the dyslexia?

My brother was severely dyslexic and he had a Saturday tutor (which my mum could not really afford). It made the world of difference in no time. BUT the school should be doing this I think, not you.

I have just asked him if he could read and write perfectly would be like to stay at school with his friends and his answer was 'NO' He said he wants to learn somewhere where there are no time limits and he isn't rushed onto the next thing before he has finished the first.

I could manage activityes short of funds, I am sure...just not as much as we might like.

I have an appointment to see his teacher on Monday, but she just looks blankly at me whenever I suggest he might need extra help, so I am not sure it will achieve anything. The day she handed me the dyslexis test that the tester had written "he has significant markers for Dyslexia, let me know if you want more tests" she handed it to me and said, he's not dyslexic!

I do worry though that he will think being at home ia a cop out and he won't have to do much, then when he finds he might have to do soemthing with his day change his mind and want to go back to school...

Rubbish aren't I... arguing both ways!

Hi Kemma,
We HE our two dyslexic boys.
I'd be happy to chat via email - just CAT me if you like.

That would be really useful, I will have to upgrade so won't be until Hubby gets home with the wallet , but would find chatting by e-mail really helpful!
Thanks