How to convince DC that home ed is best

[Toiletti]

Has anyone got any experience of wanting to home ed a reluctant teen?
DD13 has been off school for around 6 months. She suffers with anxiety and is awaiting an ASD assessment.
I've researched Home Ed and really think it will suit her, but when I suggest it she says she wants to keep trying to go to school.
I've had 6 months of morning meltdowns and her still not going in. Then it's a battle to get her to do schoolwork each day.
If she was home educated it would be a mĺuch more relaxed approach, as I wouldn't be forcing her to keep up with school work, and less stressful for both of us!
I think she worries about missing friends but she talks to them online and I'm sure she would make new home ed friends.
I really think it's best but don't know how to convince her. We just can't carry on like this.

If she wants to keep trying, then taking that option away from her is wrong. You aren’t listening to her which really won’t be helping her anxiety.

My concern would be that if you struggle to get her to do any school work now, how will you manage home education?

Lockdown learning Siri g covid taught us we would never homeschool.

Thanks both.
Re going against her wishes, I do listen to her. I believe her anxiety is due to ASD burnout/sensory overload and trust me, I do listen to her. My whole life revolves around making adjustments to ease her anxiety.

Re not being able to get her to work, that's the whole point. Home ed is very different to Home Schooling like we all struggled with in lockdown! No formal learning required and do whatever qualifications you want, or none! Her mental health is more important to me than learning algebra and how to use a bunsen burner.

If she wants to go to school, surely it's better to support that. Life as an adult if easier with qualifications. Have school offered any advice?

I suspect the number of home edders doing no formal learning at your DD’s age is minimal. It’s going to make life very much harder without any formal qualifications and I’m not sure that’s a good idea if she doesn’t support your decision.

I don’t know if this is the answer to the anxiety issues you are facing.

Be aware by taking her out of school, you will be reinforcing the idea that she can't cope and potentially making her more anxious.
If sh wants to go I would recommend supporting her to do that, advocate for her with the school so she can go back with whatever adjustments might help her.
I really do sympathise, ds was miserable and suicidal all through school and was under calms.

Maybe try it as a temporary measure.
The problem with school anxiety is that it is rarely a straight forward return. One step forward , ten back. The coping mechanisms offered rarely work. If they worked there wouldn't be thousands of parents banging their heads against a brick wall on the Not Fine At School forum.
I would look up Deschooling, this plays an important part in HE, and l think it's quite common, this period of what can appear as no progress being made outwardly.
HE has been successful for us, it was a risk initinally. I researched it thoroughly but at the end of the day my son found his own way and is thriving now. No two home educated students will follow the same path, it is so individual. It's been a really valuable learning curve for both of us.
Looking up YouTube and seeing how other families home educate all over the world is very useful to begin with.

Can’t you do the home Ed whilst she keeps trying to go to school? Go on some similar school type trips for example an historical site of the same period that she would be doing at school, study the same text as they do in English So it’s linked to school but studied in a slightly different way at home so it’s still possible to go back.

Does her school have a safe haven room? We do and it's helped get long term school refusers into school. Once there, they can try attending normal lessons. If they don't have this room, suggest it.

You can't home ed a kid who doesn't want to.

Your DD wants to try to go to school. You have to give space for that path. You should put your efforts into working with school to get her in.

You are jumping to stage 2 (what to do after accepting school has failed) in this process when she wants help with stage 1 (trying to go to school).

It's really hard isn't it? I'm in a similar position. Child (just finished yr 7 but not been to a single lesson since Easter and struggles to spend even an hour in the 'hub' each day playing games and chatting) is adamant they want to be in school. Has panic attacks/severe anxiety about the classroom, can't access any 'school work' at home or in school, is stressed and miserable all the time worrying about school.
But won't contemplate home ed - seems to think it equates to failure in some way.
I am planning to spend the summer gently exposing them to positive stories about people who don't have a traditional education/qualifications but are nonetheless successful/happy adults. Richard Branson is an obvious example of a successful businessman who has few formal qualifications but there are loads of other positive stories out there.
I'm hoping this may open their eyes to the fact that there are other valid options, that mainstream school/GCSE at 16/A level at 18/uni isn't the only path to success and more importantly happiness.
If they still want to try year 8 I'll of course support it, but I don't think it's doing their mental health any good and there may come a point where I have to make the decision for them to stop trying with school if I think we've reached a point where it's seriously damaging their mental health.
We're fortunate that school are being very supportive but they don't really know what to do to help further and waiting lists for counselling/mental health support are long....