Oh Poo. Back to school and I feel miserable again. : (

[Flllightattendant]

Ds1 has been GREAT all half term, we have been getting on brilliantly, I have loved him to bits this past week even though I was stressed out and the baby was ill. It seemed to bring us all closer somehow.
We were fine and then today I sent him back to school.
Picked him up at 3.30 and all hell breaks loose. He is red faced, silly, screeching and overtired by about 200 miles, he is exhausted and has lost the ability to be nice.
I almost cried, I had had 6 hours alone with baby to prepare for it but had forgotten what it does to him.
It really, really depresses me. I feel like he is gone all day then I get this monster returned to me at the ened of it, who is angry and miserable. Then he falls asleep on the sofa.
I miss him.

My mother is very pro school and thinks he is better off there. I am really struggling here.

Someone tell me the niceness wasn't just an illusion for a week. I am more serious than ever about HE but so much pressure from his Grandma as I get depressed myself and can't always cope very well.

Sorry, just feel like screaming. Why does he come home like this? It's horrid.

Thanks FA.
I have a friend who home teaches and tbh I have witnessed her son having these kind of tantrums when he is tired.
I considered home teaching too but I think she actually likes school and has a best friend there and a lovely approachable teacher who really cares about them.
I think our instinct as parents is to blame school, and I think they are very young to be there, yes, and having to follow all of these rules is very challenging but I think the key lies with me.
I guess atm I am just trying to keep communication open and have special mummy and daughter days when possible. These make her very happy.
She told me last night she hadn't really wanted a treat she had just wanted a big cuddle when she came out of school. I do this but will give her an extra big one today- and I will take some food too!!
I hope things are better for both of us today

I also feel that this a time of change and adjustment in our relationship.
I feel things have shifted- can't exactly put my finger on it but I suppose I feel there is a whole part of her day that I have no influence on-very hard for me to accept.
Another reason I decoded against about Home Ed- I think it is good for her to have other objective adults look after her and that she can be safe without me around.
Some HE manage this somehow I guess, I don't know how I would.
We are all happier this morning and she says she can't wait to get to school

This is a short term too so not too long to the Easter hols

Flllightattendant - have you considered trying mornings only rather than three full days, tehn gradually extending the length of the days? HE does help you avoid the majority of the tiredness trigger points (getting out of the house in the morning, the horrendous hour straight after school, and the "you've got to go to bed right now and go to sleep becasue you have to be up in the morning", as well as teh Sunday night panic becasue homework hasn't been done) but we still get them occasionally.

hi I dont feel as if I have enough experience to be giving any advice but will go ahead anyway

I have 2 dds one nearly 5 one nearly 2 and I have them both at home - HE if you can call it that yet (always think I need an official starting date with balloons and cannons so that I can tell all that ask that I started on the 10th of jan blah blah blah)I am pg with my 3rd (13 weeks) and I too often 'dont cope very well' infact I came off anti depressnts in order to be pg with this lo.

I have no experience of what it would be like with my dd at school so I can not compare. My dd has a very similar nature and when she is tired or hunry becomes like a crazed wild creature. I guess the advantage of he is that I am more in control of situations and can mae them suit us rather than just have to put up with it.

For me he is something I have always wanted to do. I dont like the school system (ducking head ) and choose to give my children the chance to explore and learn about the world in a way that seems more normal and exiting (to me).

Having said that there are days when I am battling to cope where I wonder why I have chosen the path that I have. So I guess there is no perfect way to go. If you are going to battle then you are going to battle. Choose what feels right to you. Dont be afraid of what others think or say. You need to be able to defend your decision to yourself and your lo one day when he is grown up with out feeling like you made choices based on the opinions of others. It sounds like you would like to he but are worried that you wont cope. To me it feels easier because it is something that I have chosen and have control of, and I am sure that I would cope less well if my children went to school, and I felt powerless to change things that I didnt like.

Sorry if its all a load of waffle. I hope it works out for you the way you want.

Hi, sorry for the gap in answering - been thinking and running around and having a bad day yesterday.
First of all thanks for all the great posts, it's given me a lot more insight and information about the whole thing.
Mrs R, I'm glad you are feeling Ok with it now - I agree it's a mixture and I can't hang it all on school, for him being tired etc etc. and maybe I do just have to let him go, as it were - he will grow up and be involved with others at some stage and I don't want to feel I am holding him back. One thing is he did get lonely before school began, but he still insists he'd rather not go - it is a mixed thing even for him.
BB - I'm glad to hear the stamina increases! So if he does continue to go, he might 'grow out of' the tired episodes to an extent...

Emma and SV - thanks again - we did mornings only last term and it worked sort of - he would get exhausted still, but had the afternoon to wind down. So the next day he was recharged - well a bit more than he would have been otherwise! I still hated it though as I'd pick him up after lunch time play, and all the other kids were asking questions, and he would be overexcited and it was quite hard - I think we changed to the full days (only 3 days a week) because it seemed better for him to stay with his friends and not be the 'odd one out' iyswim. Ans he was still getting really horrid every afternoon.
Dippydee - that's a great idea! I will definitely bear it in mind once baby is old enough to be left with my mum, it would be lovely to have a handle on what exactly goes on when I am not with Ds1. I find that a difficult thing, not knowing what he does all day.
Michtenstein - what a lovely post. You sound quite similar to me. I have always wanted to HE and though I don't take A/D's, I should probably
I admire your courage. Does your partner support you? One thing is I don't have a partner so my mother's disapproval is hard to stand up to, it would just be me against the world as we know it round here - and I don't know if I can defend it that strongly. People would say I was doing it for the wrong reasons - ie because I didn't like school, or because I was scared of letting him go.
They might have a point, though I do really not like the school system, but I have only my own experiences to go on and there are elements i do like about it (the gentleness of reception, the music and stuff they get to do - the fact someone else values him for himself even if I am in a vile mood with him!!! (Well I hope they like him, anyway)

He wasn't so bad after school yesterday - still silly and daft but we walked to get him, and it was an hour's walk home, and he worked off a lot of his energy. The problem with that was I was too knackered to play with him when we got home! (must get fitter)

Thanks for asking Mrs. R. I hope you got on Ok yesterday as well?

oh FA I keep reading this thread and typing replies and deleting them because they are probably not helpful.

I see what you are saying re groups. Here's my experience though I found it enormously helpful to meet with other people who generally agree with what I think re education and thusly don't look at me as though I have 3 heads. ALSO they often have information re local schools-we discovered a very good, undersubscribed school around 20 minutes drive away, which is our back up plan. Groups can also be cliquey and pta-esq, depending on the group...one option that I think a lot of people do is to get onto the local list and then initially meet individually with people they like, or who have a similar experience/kids/etc.

The trouble is, I have a boy the same age as yours, and I think with a very similar personality. He has tried school (ish-Steiner kindergarten). He just didn't suit it (similar to what you describe really), and I just couldn't send him.

So I am trying not to post too much based on my own experience. I am also very lucky, I have a supportive partner, and my mother is beyond supportive-not only does she do a 6 hour round trip every other weekend to give us a break, but if I sent my kids to school I suspect she'd move the necessary 100 miles to educate them herself-AND she is a teacher, one of those people sent in to sort out failing schools so does know what she is talking about. She is MASSIVELY pro unschooling, incidentally, but has a mortgage to pay

(But do honestly ignore me if you've made a decision. You're also welcome to email/CAT me if you want to [email protected] . )

I don't think because a lot of dc get used to the 6 hour school day, that it necessarily is appropriate for every 4-5 year old.

Have you considered sending ds to sport 1x or 2x week after school. I know you say he is already exhausted. When my dd started school, I took her to sport on Wednesday evening. It was a bit of a grind getting her there but I noticed it gave her power for Thursday and Friday and made a big difference.

If you have the option to leave him at school half-days at the moment, I would do that.

Filly - read your posts, about to go out but will reply later - I appreciate your perspective, thanks so much, have to dash but back in a bit.

FA- Things were much better yesterday, I took some friut and made a fuss of her and we had swimming after school too which she loves.
She didn't want to go today tho' and says she wants to be HE like one of her friends.
It is such a dilemma isn't it?
I do feel she has learnt a lot at school, educationally and socially, but I think if she was an only child I would not have hesitated to HE.
There also don't seem to be a great deal of other HE'ders in this area, apart from my one friend that is.
Anyway, feeling a bit fed up again today. I will see if she has brightened when I pick her up

FA - whereabouts are you ?

Perhaps HEers on here would know of some friendly people in your area to support you (if HE is the way you want to go, that is.)

Hi, I'm in East Kent - I believe there's a branch in Herne bay which isn't too far from us?
MrsR - does it seem to work for your DD's little friend?
Where are you?

Filly - did you just have a baby? I saw something on the other thread! How wonderful!!

I really like the sound of your mum. Could I ask why she is pro unschooling? It's be great to hear it from someone who knows about schools from a close range, that would provide me with ammo I think

My mum worries that I will ignore Ds when he is here. I have had times when I just sit and look at the computer, and find it hard to interact with anyone - so leave him to play alone. She thinks this is appalling although he usually has managed really well to find stuff to do/make, and I seem to be getting better at mucking about with him now he is a bit older and I am no longer painfully pregnant - and the baby can join in a bit too!

I think it would be alright. But also she is afraid of having to help us out more - she used to have him several times a week before he went to school. I've told her to set her own limits and we'll go with that, but she has no boundaries and gets all muddled and feels guilty, bless her

Nothing like dodgy parents to make you feel it's going to be a disaster whatever you do!!

He went in again today (that's every day this week!) but again slept in his uniform last night, he is just too zonked, I end up carrying him up to bed a lot, already asleep.
He is turning into hobo child.
He was a bit resistant today but scurried in by himself, once we were there.

Will see how he is later.

Funnily enough FA, dd's freind begs her mum to send her to school
Sometimes you can't win eh?

Really? Oh golly!!!

Oh.

I'm in the midlands so no good for RL support, sorry.

I think that would be a good way forward tho.

Try to make some friends who HE/have similar ideas to you.

Could your old hippy friend not put you in touch with some HEers ?

Just an update. He went every day this week, as an experiment. He fell asleep most nights when we got in, and had to be carried to bed in his uniform
But he seemed happy enough to go.
He has been miserably tired though and really different from the lovely child I rediscovered over half term.
Today has been spent crying and being hopeless and falling over and shouting.
I am starting to think that possibly there is a vicious circle - people's children turn into angry little things after school, people are therefore glad to send them back as they rationalise it would be impossible to manage them at home.
I want my nice boy, not a tired little scrap who can't keep his eyes open.
The truth is, I miss him and I feel like I have given him away.
Would it be utterly selfish therefore to deregister him?
Our family isn't complete without him. I never see him from one day to the next - he's either asleep or at school.
How do people get used to that? I am baffled really.

Tis FA btw

Oh My God, I love your name change!!!!!!!!

Next thing, you'll be buying us all a leddle mop for clettering the dishes with.

No. It's not selfish to deregister. If he's too tired after a day at school to be your lovely child, then maybe he's just not ready for a day at school. I think you are seeing this all really really clearly, honestly. And your desire to spend time with a lively, happy, non-tired child just shouts out from your posts. Trust your instinct, mama. (and nothing is forever. You can just remove him now and try again in the autumn if he wants.)

I think it's more important to live life fully and happily NOW than to do things which our children are really unhappy about because we think it'll have longer term benefits - something about living fully in, and experiencing the richness of the now rather than projecting to the future, which we cannot control, and about which there are far too many variables for us to set things up to be as we'll want them.

That's a beaut of a post, Emma, thankyou so much

It might actually be a good time to do it - then maybe they'll keep him a place in the autumn if it desn't work out.

Can't believe people really get used to not seeing their kids all day! It's like, they reach four and well, that's it - bye bye!

No offence intended to people whose children are at school - I am new to it, just it has come as a shock!

I've been doing some rough calculations... actually I'll start a new thread... (in the HE section)

FA (FPC) before you do anything, talk to the school.

Your title states YOU feel miserable. How about your ds?
Could it be that he is exhausted from all the fun and exciting things he has done that day?
Help ou tin the school one afternoon a week, see what he gets up to.

If it turns out he is indeed misable at school, and a tired little sausage at the end of hte day, then of course deregister.

My ds was one of the youngest children in the year (August birthday) and I too had many misgivings about him being at school. (I am Dutch and did not start school till age 6) But ds did half days until after Easter, and when I went in to help I noticed it is virtually all play in reception. (in honesty no different to the nursery in Holland which children attend till age 6) And yes, he was tired, and I missed him, but he was having a whale of a time at school.

Long waffle, sorry if I have missed the point entirely, but all I am saying is make sure you poor ds out because he is the one that is not happy.

pull, not poor

You have written what I was trying to figure out in my muddled head, Hippi
Thankyou
There is no way to know, unless I go and witness what happens there and if he really is Ok or not.
He says he wants to stay at home and then he wants to go to school and it is all such a mixture and ambivalence all round.
If it was as easy as asking him directly, I would ask him and do what he wanted - sadly I don't think he is able to articulate or even know for sure.

I will try and get a reading job there. That way I can see how it is a bit better.