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Original poster

Oh Poo. Back to school and I feel miserable again. : (

53 replies

Flllightattendant · 25/02/2008 19:08

Ds1 has been GREAT all half term, we have been getting on brilliantly, I have loved him to bits this past week even though I was stressed out and the baby was ill. It seemed to bring us all closer somehow.
We were fine and then today I sent him back to school.
Picked him up at 3.30 and all hell breaks loose. He is red faced, silly, screeching and overtired by about 200 miles, he is exhausted and has lost the ability to be nice.
I almost cried, I had had 6 hours alone with baby to prepare for it but had forgotten what it does to him.
It really, really depresses me. I feel like he is gone all day then I get this monster returned to me at the ened of it, who is angry and miserable. Then he falls asleep on the sofa.
I miss him.

My mother is very pro school and thinks he is better off there. I am really struggling here.

Someone tell me the niceness wasn't just an illusion for a week. I am more serious than ever about HE but so much pressure from his Grandma as I get depressed myself and can't always cope very well.

Sorry, just feel like screaming. Why does he come home like this? It's horrid.

OP posts:
constancereader · 25/02/2008 19:12

I would go for it in your situation (and I am a teacher!). School doesn't sound like it suits your little boy. You sound like you love being with him all the time. Is there any support for you if you were to become ill again?

Original poster
Flllightattendant · 25/02/2008 19:18

Thanks Constance...The truth is I haven't always loved being with him but found we were really close recently. It was fantastic. Perhaps it wouldn't work out long term?
I want him to have what's best for him.
I have some support - I'm seeing an OT and on the list for CBT/psychotherapy.

Mum helps out a lot in the week anyway. I guess the worst thing might be he'd get bored here on his own. I just hate what school does to him.

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Blandmum · 25/02/2008 19:20

Sorry tha you have had such a grim day.

What di you think the main 'triggers' are for your son, and what (if anything) are the school doing to address the problems.

Whatever you decide to do long term, is there anything that you think can be done to help in the short term?

and how old is you ds (sorry to be dim)?

posieflump · 25/02/2008 19:22

can you bear to hold out until the summer, he might be much more well equipped to deal with school when he's older?

emmaagain · 25/02/2008 19:26

"I guess the worst thing might be he'd get bored here on his own"

What local HE groups are there? Active and friendly ones? Would you be able to maintain contact with friends at school?

If yes to either or both of them, then I wouldn't be worrying about the "socialisation" issue, myself. let us know if there's anything we can do to help

Original poster
Flllightattendant · 25/02/2008 19:26

Thankyou both - MB I think 'dim' is the very last word I'd ever use in the same sentence as your name!! (althoug I just did, I think )
He's four, five in May - well, triggers, I think possibly jealousy of me being with Ds2 all day? Tiredness/adjustment after a long time off, also being told what to do all day is meant to be harder for boys as they have a built in leadership thingy going on..? I don't know.
He eats his school dinner by all accounts, I fed him a fruit pie immediately on pick up, still he was screeching and grabbing the babys hand on the way home and shaking it like a wild thing, I almost had to stop the car but mum wa sin it too and he is less wild when she is there
Overtired rings big bells mainly.

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Original poster
Flllightattendant · 25/02/2008 19:30

...school wants him to go full time though he has been doing MWF this term, so far, and had just got into a rhythm when it was half term.
He's had a lot of time off too with colds, etc and general exhaustion.

School thinks he copes well...they should see him when he gets home though

Emmaagain, thank I am a bit scared of groups myself, have quite a few friends though now. I think we might manage it. I love teaching him stuff now he is old enough to want to learn. That does a lot for me.

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Blandmum · 25/02/2008 19:30

Is there anythinmg in the school day that is acting as a trigger for him?

Or do you think it is 'just' being away from you , and the relationship that you have with the baby? Is there anything that the school can change that would make things better?

Is there a way of getting him used to being away from you involving an activity that he loves, with another member of the family?

Is he getting strung out at the end of the day, and 'over tired' and is that stopping him getting the rest that he needs?

Julienoshoes · 25/02/2008 19:31

Whereabouts do you live?

I have just posted a new thread about finding other home educators locally, perhaps if you were able to do that and talk to folks in real life, you would feel more supported.

there is a website Muddle Puddlefor families who home educate young children and it is home to the HE early years support list that is for families who are home educating or thinking about home educating young children.
You can discuss your concerns there and find support.

emmaagain · 25/02/2008 19:33

Maybe he's just not quite ready for the exhaustion of the school day? He's not even 5 yet after all... HE for the summer term and try school again in September if you feel like it then? (she said glibly, with no idea whether or not the school in question has a waiting list as long as yer arm)

Original poster
Flllightattendant · 25/02/2008 19:34

Well MB. I can't say if anything happens at school, because he won't divulge an awful lot - I rarely get to speak to a teacher as they are overwhelmed by parents at drop off and even worse at pick up.
He did mention being told off today for tearing something - part of a display I think, a rainforest? I am guessing it was him fooling around and he fell on it, that is what usually happens at home
He didn't say anything else about it, just Mrs. C was very cross. That doesn't happen every day though but he seems manic every day iyswim.

Tiredness is the first thing I think of, he loses his ability to listen to instructions, runs about madly etc etc. One of those type of boys - adorable but a handful!

He regularly goes off with Grandma/Grandad to do stuff without me and baby. But that is seen as a privilege i think while school, somehow isnt't!

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Original poster
Flllightattendant · 25/02/2008 19:37

Julie I will go look at your thread and Muddlepuddles. That sounds a good place to start. Couldn't find much on one of the other sites, will try again. Have them bookmarked.

Ems - the school has a list, yes, we were oon it and lucky to get a place (well ostensibly - miles better than the other one though!!)
I wonder if they would just chuck us if we took him out for a term.

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emmaagain · 25/02/2008 19:44

you'd probably end up on the bottom of the list again. Then again, you can but ask (in optimistic Pollyanna voice)

Blandmum · 25/02/2008 19:48

would it be possible (in the short term) to make an appointment with his teachers to see how he is at school?

Because if he is generally happy there it would be a great comfort to you, and would het you 'steel yourself' for the pick up if you know he's been fine all day.

If he isn't then you and the teacher need to put together some stratagies to help.

Re the pick up problems. Is there something he could do in the car that he enjoys that would help relieve the tension.....mine used to like story tapes for example

Original poster
Flllightattendant · 25/02/2008 19:55

He likes it when I make jokes about wee.

I will try and get an appt to talk to her. I need to know he['s Ok and happy there, it seems ridiculous, he is my child, and I have not the faintest idea what happens to him all day!

You're right, it would make things much easier if I felt sure it was doing him good.

Thanks all for your support - I realised I go on about this a bit too much. Need to do something about it, instead of moaning!

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Blandmum · 25/02/2008 19:57

It is one hell of a jump when they are out of your sight all day. My two had a lunch is school and I used to find it wierd that I didn't know what they had eaten, 'I forget' used to be served up quite a lot!

If you know he is happy, or mostly happy that will make you more confident when you pick him up, and they are just so great at reading our moods!

Original poster
Flllightattendant · 25/02/2008 19:58

Sorry that made little sense...in terms of thinngs to do in the car, he likes wee jokes. Eg
Ds: Mrs C is a poo head
Me: you're an onion head
Ds (raucous laughter) Ds2 is a bat head
More raucous laughter

You get the picture

At this point I generally narrowly avoid hitting a barrier or lamppost.

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Original poster
Flllightattendant · 25/02/2008 19:59

X posted MB - thankyou, you're right. I try to be upbeat, but well as you say he senses whatever is going on beneath my cool exterior

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bossybritches · 25/02/2008 20:01

He is still VERY young FA & they do get so tired in the first year.

Mine used to be HORRIBLE on the school run home. I started taking an extra bottle of water & a snack to have as soon as they came out.A banana or small piece of flapjack, something stodgy to get the blood sugars up but maintain them till tea-time. Low blood sugar is often a trigger combined with tiredness.

After a while they do get a second wind & build up stamina.

mrsruffallo · 25/02/2008 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BeNimble · 25/02/2008 22:40

my son is 5 just before christmas so would be due to start school in september... i'm pretty sure he'll not be going!

ever since i actually realised that HE was a viable, increasingly 'normal' option, i've been unable to 'feel' how i did before about school... especially about children starting so young.

i'll emphasise here that i'm not against schools, and will encourage my children to consider school at some point, we often talk about schools (as neutrally as poss).

i love to see children finding their independence and 'growing up', it seems such a shame that at the wonderful age of 4/5 when they're going through so much already in themselves, that most have to deal with school.

IN RESPONSE TO THE OP... i think the wonderful MB is right that a word with the school would be wise; but i personally would have none of the hanging on til summer if there was no easy fix. i'd pull him out, all get on with enjoying yourselves as a family and take it from there!

Original poster
Flllightattendant · 26/02/2008 06:24

MrsRuffalo, I am so sorry to hear that.

It has made clearer to me what my original, main question was that made me write this post, and it was really to ask whether people who HE don't suffer this mood thing with their little ones - that's what I wanted to know. Because the prevailing feeling among everyone I've spoken to is that 'they will get used to it' or 'they have to get used to it, school is so important for them' and stuff like that. However if it is purely something that would go if we ditched school, I will not hesitate to do so. That's what I wanted to know really.

I'm trying to work out if we would be Ok and avoid it if we stopped now, or whether it is just him being a child and the hols are a brief respite, a different thing, a contrast, which allow him to be super nice!

I too hate my baby witnessing the shouting that can happen, it is so sad...Ds1 can be just vile, really, and it isn't in his nature.

Please, anyone who does EHE, can you tell us that your children didn't get like this and things were happier? Sorry if it seems a daft/simplistic question.

Benimble - I'm impressed with your certainty. I have had no positive comments at all about HE from anyone I know. Except one good friend who is a much older dad, his son is 15 I think now, a great lad - but he is extremely radical and my family/other friends don't really know him, they just see him as an old hippy! (which he is )

OP posts:
Original poster
Flllightattendant · 26/02/2008 06:27

MrsR - just a thought but I do think the blood sugar issue is a valid one, it might be worth a shot...I did feed Ds yesterday, but I feel he would have been worse if I hadn't. I remember being famished when I cam out of school - it really can make you feel dire. I guess it's worth a try?

Thanks ever so much for understanding and letting me know I'm not alone in this.

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emmaagain · 26/02/2008 07:33

We EHE.

My only experience of the "witching hour", when a child is in a really bad mood through tiredness, is when they really SHOULD have had a nap or at least a bit of down time in a duvet, and for whatever reason it didn't happen. But we generally try/tried to avoid that by doing outings in the mornings rather than afternoons and building a child-led rst period of some description into the day.

Which leads me to wonder whether your child might be better off doing mornings only at school?

And otherwise, if 6 hour school days are still too long for him to cope with without a quiet down time at home, I'd consider HEing until you and he think he IS ready for a 6 hour day.

(heck, an intensive full-on 6-hour day is plenty long enough for me still, and I'm over 30!)

dippydeedoo · 26/02/2008 07:38

flllightattendant,please excuse me if suggest something v inappropriate but what if you volunteered in school for 1 afternoon a week you wouldnt just be with your son in school obviously but he would know you were there he could show you off and you would be doing something 'for' him then maybe you will see how he behaves in school and who his friends are etc ......you would just listen to children reading or something ,i did it a lot when my 2 eldest were in primary school.
is that a dumb idea?

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