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Home ed

Find advice from other parents on our Homeschool forum. You may also find our round up of the best online learning resources useful.

Home Ed or local school? Conflicted :(

10 replies

bumblebee2235 · 13/07/2023 09:30

I'm stuck so hoping for a variety of points and views.

This is a few years away, but I like to think of all possibilities to prepare for potential issues and risks.

I am torn..
I really wanted to home Ed my daughter, I had a rough plan of using online schooling, mixed with local groups.

I'm lucky I live close to a place that in afternoons has a children's group to do outdoor activities and social activities.

So potentially the online school does tutor Led learning of the syllabus Monday to Friday mornings.
I myself studied early learning with specialism in music at university. So am qualified to teach music, coupled with the social groups I feel I could give her a balanced childhood.

BUT
I also have the opportunity to have a career, if I go to work full time this will not be possible. The schools around here are not great, which was mainly why I started looking at home Ed, they are also oversubscribed so it's not like I can choose where she goes.
Financially we would have a much better quality of life in that regard as between me and her father we could potentially live comfortably.

I need a rough plan this early as whichever decision will help me start putting in the building blocks.. ie schooling route I will start the ball rolling with the courses I need and nursery applications.

So what to do? Financially secure childhood maximising our earning potential or a holistic childhood approach?

Is there a way I could provide both? What are all the potential avenues I could do?

I'm not opinionated in either regard, I always feel it depends on the child as an individual. I just want to be able to do the best for her, but I need other views as with mine alone I feel it could be led by my emotions rather than the bigger picture.

OP posts:
Saracen · 13/07/2023 10:51

The only way I can see for you to "have it all" is by paying a childminder or nanny to look after your child while you work. Such a person would not have to teach your child, because one-to-one attention is so efficient that you can educate your child yourself during the hours when you aren't working. You might well find someone who IS prepared to take on some of the education, but they don't have to be highly qualified; after all, many home educating parents do a great job without an academic background. Such an arrangement obviously works out far more expensive than the free childcare which state school represents, but it's still cheaper than a private school. If you are a big believer in the home ed approach, you may feel that this would provide the child with an education and quality of life which is superior to school. It's also more flexible than any school both in terms of childcare hours and educational approach. This is what I would have done if I were very career-orientated and not particularly drawn to spending huge amounts of time with my child.

Such a job is likely to appeal to someone who is home educating children of their own and wants work which is compatible with that. A person like that would offer the benefit of understanding home education and being well integrated with the home ed community, so they would be happy to take your child to social groups and museums and classes etc. I used a home educating childminder for a few years while I worked part-time, and it was brilliant for all of us. My child played with the CM's kids and had a similar lifestyle to what they would have got at home, with the advantage of extra variety: different toys and pets and books than were available at home, plus access to an adult with different skills and knowledge to their own parents. My child fit in easily with the CM's existing routine, so it wasn't much trouble for her. Of course, there are many ways to home educate, so you would have to ensure that you and the CM are on the same page with respect to overall approach.

I assume your child is a baby or toddler? If you like this idea, you could join local home ed Facebook groups and start going along to home ed groups now so you can get to know other families and make it known that you are considering employing someone. Childminding - being based in their own home - would probably be most convenient for them, in which case they would need to get qualified and registered if they aren't already. That takes time. When you home educate, here's nothing magic about the usual school starting age, so once you have found the right person, you could start work whenever you want, whether that is when your child is three or four or six or seven.

Saracen · 13/07/2023 10:57

BTW online schooling is not a popular option in the early years. Kids usually find it hard to engage with it, which is one reason Zoom lessons during Covid didn't go very well for primary kids! You'd need to be standing over your child helping her, in which case why not just do it yourself?

bumblebee2235 · 13/07/2023 11:04

Saracen · 13/07/2023 10:51

The only way I can see for you to "have it all" is by paying a childminder or nanny to look after your child while you work. Such a person would not have to teach your child, because one-to-one attention is so efficient that you can educate your child yourself during the hours when you aren't working. You might well find someone who IS prepared to take on some of the education, but they don't have to be highly qualified; after all, many home educating parents do a great job without an academic background. Such an arrangement obviously works out far more expensive than the free childcare which state school represents, but it's still cheaper than a private school. If you are a big believer in the home ed approach, you may feel that this would provide the child with an education and quality of life which is superior to school. It's also more flexible than any school both in terms of childcare hours and educational approach. This is what I would have done if I were very career-orientated and not particularly drawn to spending huge amounts of time with my child.

Such a job is likely to appeal to someone who is home educating children of their own and wants work which is compatible with that. A person like that would offer the benefit of understanding home education and being well integrated with the home ed community, so they would be happy to take your child to social groups and museums and classes etc. I used a home educating childminder for a few years while I worked part-time, and it was brilliant for all of us. My child played with the CM's kids and had a similar lifestyle to what they would have got at home, with the advantage of extra variety: different toys and pets and books than were available at home, plus access to an adult with different skills and knowledge to their own parents. My child fit in easily with the CM's existing routine, so it wasn't much trouble for her. Of course, there are many ways to home educate, so you would have to ensure that you and the CM are on the same page with respect to overall approach.

I assume your child is a baby or toddler? If you like this idea, you could join local home ed Facebook groups and start going along to home ed groups now so you can get to know other families and make it known that you are considering employing someone. Childminding - being based in their own home - would probably be most convenient for them, in which case they would need to get qualified and registered if they aren't already. That takes time. When you home educate, here's nothing magic about the usual school starting age, so once you have found the right person, you could start work whenever you want, whether that is when your child is three or four or six or seven.

I didn't know that was the option! I will look into that avenue as well.. I figured if over the next couple years get a variety of options ready that I've thought through, see how her personality may develop to navigate what could be the best potential option for her.

OP posts:
bumblebee2235 · 13/07/2023 11:06

Saracen · 13/07/2023 10:57

BTW online schooling is not a popular option in the early years. Kids usually find it hard to engage with it, which is one reason Zoom lessons during Covid didn't go very well for primary kids! You'd need to be standing over your child helping her, in which case why not just do it yourself?

It was mainly due to my lack of confidence. Whilst I feel I can navigate learning in arts, literature ect I feel I need help in maths and grammar.. I would not be able to accommodate those subjects at all, I've always struggled myself.

I would hate it if she ended up suffering due to me.

OP posts:
bumblebee2235 · 13/07/2023 11:08

I am also looking quite far ahead aswell to ensure continuity. I wouldn't commit if I felt I can't follow through if she wishes it. I would hate to suddenly stop it all and completely change her environment underneath her.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 13/07/2023 13:37

I think it's worth considering what you see as the benefits of home ed.

Go and visit the school(s) that you would look at locally. And spend some time with some local home educating families to see what their real days are like. Also I'd start whatever application processes you need to (if you can turn down a place later) as it's easier to keep options open as long as possible.

I was very, very taken with the idea of home ed when DS1, now 14, was very small (around 1-2 years old). To me at this time, it felt like a continuum of what we had been doing which was very lovely, attachment parenting, lots of social groups - breastfeeding support, sling meet, parks, children's centres, library, exploring, museums, playing, I just never wanted it to end and home ed felt like a way that I could do that. But something that I hadn't really considered at the time is that things would change - he would change, I would change, our relationship would change. It was hard to see anything different to that lovely close toddler stage which I absolutely adored (and went on to have two more children several years later, so I got to do it all over again) but the later stages are different and that is OK.

I was also lapping up a lot of the home ed narrative which is that schools are really conformist, they have only one way to be, they only support kids who fit perfectly in a "normal" box, the behaviour management systems are coercive and broken, etc etc etc. Which yes, there are grains of truth but it's in no way the full story.

OTOH, I wanted to go back to uni (which I did when he was 2) and work towards a career for myself. I loved the idea of being a SAHM and I didn't want to rush him into school/childcare ASAP but I also wanted that experience for myself in life. I was pretty young when I had my first (I wonder if you are too, since you refer to career in the future tense and only study, not work, in the past tense).

I ended up signing him up for the free nursery place that he was allocated at 3 years and it was the best thing. I was starting to struggle with the SAHM role (even mixed with part time study) and honestly we just did so much better with some extra space from each other. It was also around this time that I realised despite being totally in love with the ethos of home ed, I would be crap at it. In order to home educate well, I think you need to be a pretty determined and active person yourself. I'm not - when I'm at home with DC I tend to default to letting them play or watch TV while I go on my computer. There are occasional learning moments but everyone jumping in the car (not that I even have a car or driving licence) and going out to explore an interest is exhausting and not something that comes naturally to me at all, no matter how much I want to be that person. I do much better with a schedule that is set by somebody else, or I tend to default to ennui. If I had done home ed I might have been fine if I'd joined all the groups, but I still think this probably would have drained my energy so that I barely had any left for fitting things in in-between. Whereas if you're more enthusiastic and more likely to jump into everything then it can be a really rich, stimulating environment.

I looked into schools and found out that the school attached to his nursery was lovely - nothing like the horror stories. It also brought back some happy memories of my own school years. They also had some really great innovative stuff like Write Dance. I came to realise (several years later) that a lot of HEer's views of school are outdated, based mainly on their own experiences, but also, not by any means the norm. There's a huge amount of neurodiversity in the HE community, (both children and parents) which can make it feel incredibly welcoming and fitting if that is also you, but it also tends to predispose them to have poor experiences with schools, and so these experiences do not reflect what the majority experience, even though if you're mainly hanging out in HE-supportive spaces, it can feel like the majority experience. Bear in mind also that a significant proportion of HEers have come to that path because they have had bad experiences with schools. But again, that won't be everyone's experience of school. In fact, most kids get on pretty well at school. The right school, with the right staff, can have a lot of the same benefits as HE. There are definitely downsides and you will absolutely come up against teachers, classmates, subjects or situations which aren't as easy as others but most of these things are temporary and there are upsides to a school route which often cancel these out (not for everyone).

If you want to follow your own interests and encourage your DD in following hers, you can do this outside of school hours, during holidays, weekends etc. It's not like HE kids learn 24/7 and kids at school just shut off their learning when they are at home. Yes it's not the same, as you won't have unlimited time and you will be expending a certain amount of energy on all the logistics of school, work, commuting, homework etc. (Bear in mind that you following your interest to that end point of work will also be a really valuable model for her).

To some people, the freedom of HE is exciting and inspiring whereas others find it daunting. I know one family with ADHD where they genuinely cite the lack of a school run as reducing a significant amount of stress in their lives because mornings are so challenging for them.

You mentioned finances factoring into this decision. You may wish to run up some rough budgets including: Pre-school childcare, wraparound care for school age, holiday care, school lunches, costs involved with HE groups, costs for HE materials, subscriptions to any learning services that you want to use, a budget for trips/outings, and ideas of what kinds of things you might be able to afford in terms of lifestyle with/without work/with PT work/etc.

You might want to look at local private schools. If that makes you instantly recoil, just look. Yes, some of them are overtly classist and elitist and may not be a fit. But there are often schools which have a more holistic approach. Since finances are something in your equation, it seems silly to ignore this - it might not be suitable but it might be worth looking.

Sorry this ended up a bit scattered - hope it came across OK.

bumblebee2235 · 13/07/2023 16:06

BertieBotts · 13/07/2023 13:37

I think it's worth considering what you see as the benefits of home ed.

Go and visit the school(s) that you would look at locally. And spend some time with some local home educating families to see what their real days are like. Also I'd start whatever application processes you need to (if you can turn down a place later) as it's easier to keep options open as long as possible.

I was very, very taken with the idea of home ed when DS1, now 14, was very small (around 1-2 years old). To me at this time, it felt like a continuum of what we had been doing which was very lovely, attachment parenting, lots of social groups - breastfeeding support, sling meet, parks, children's centres, library, exploring, museums, playing, I just never wanted it to end and home ed felt like a way that I could do that. But something that I hadn't really considered at the time is that things would change - he would change, I would change, our relationship would change. It was hard to see anything different to that lovely close toddler stage which I absolutely adored (and went on to have two more children several years later, so I got to do it all over again) but the later stages are different and that is OK.

I was also lapping up a lot of the home ed narrative which is that schools are really conformist, they have only one way to be, they only support kids who fit perfectly in a "normal" box, the behaviour management systems are coercive and broken, etc etc etc. Which yes, there are grains of truth but it's in no way the full story.

OTOH, I wanted to go back to uni (which I did when he was 2) and work towards a career for myself. I loved the idea of being a SAHM and I didn't want to rush him into school/childcare ASAP but I also wanted that experience for myself in life. I was pretty young when I had my first (I wonder if you are too, since you refer to career in the future tense and only study, not work, in the past tense).

I ended up signing him up for the free nursery place that he was allocated at 3 years and it was the best thing. I was starting to struggle with the SAHM role (even mixed with part time study) and honestly we just did so much better with some extra space from each other. It was also around this time that I realised despite being totally in love with the ethos of home ed, I would be crap at it. In order to home educate well, I think you need to be a pretty determined and active person yourself. I'm not - when I'm at home with DC I tend to default to letting them play or watch TV while I go on my computer. There are occasional learning moments but everyone jumping in the car (not that I even have a car or driving licence) and going out to explore an interest is exhausting and not something that comes naturally to me at all, no matter how much I want to be that person. I do much better with a schedule that is set by somebody else, or I tend to default to ennui. If I had done home ed I might have been fine if I'd joined all the groups, but I still think this probably would have drained my energy so that I barely had any left for fitting things in in-between. Whereas if you're more enthusiastic and more likely to jump into everything then it can be a really rich, stimulating environment.

I looked into schools and found out that the school attached to his nursery was lovely - nothing like the horror stories. It also brought back some happy memories of my own school years. They also had some really great innovative stuff like Write Dance. I came to realise (several years later) that a lot of HEer's views of school are outdated, based mainly on their own experiences, but also, not by any means the norm. There's a huge amount of neurodiversity in the HE community, (both children and parents) which can make it feel incredibly welcoming and fitting if that is also you, but it also tends to predispose them to have poor experiences with schools, and so these experiences do not reflect what the majority experience, even though if you're mainly hanging out in HE-supportive spaces, it can feel like the majority experience. Bear in mind also that a significant proportion of HEers have come to that path because they have had bad experiences with schools. But again, that won't be everyone's experience of school. In fact, most kids get on pretty well at school. The right school, with the right staff, can have a lot of the same benefits as HE. There are definitely downsides and you will absolutely come up against teachers, classmates, subjects or situations which aren't as easy as others but most of these things are temporary and there are upsides to a school route which often cancel these out (not for everyone).

If you want to follow your own interests and encourage your DD in following hers, you can do this outside of school hours, during holidays, weekends etc. It's not like HE kids learn 24/7 and kids at school just shut off their learning when they are at home. Yes it's not the same, as you won't have unlimited time and you will be expending a certain amount of energy on all the logistics of school, work, commuting, homework etc. (Bear in mind that you following your interest to that end point of work will also be a really valuable model for her).

To some people, the freedom of HE is exciting and inspiring whereas others find it daunting. I know one family with ADHD where they genuinely cite the lack of a school run as reducing a significant amount of stress in their lives because mornings are so challenging for them.

You mentioned finances factoring into this decision. You may wish to run up some rough budgets including: Pre-school childcare, wraparound care for school age, holiday care, school lunches, costs involved with HE groups, costs for HE materials, subscriptions to any learning services that you want to use, a budget for trips/outings, and ideas of what kinds of things you might be able to afford in terms of lifestyle with/without work/with PT work/etc.

You might want to look at local private schools. If that makes you instantly recoil, just look. Yes, some of them are overtly classist and elitist and may not be a fit. But there are often schools which have a more holistic approach. Since finances are something in your equation, it seems silly to ignore this - it might not be suitable but it might be worth looking.

Sorry this ended up a bit scattered - hope it came across OK.

Thank you! That is great advice. There is a school I think could be good, but out of catchment.. I wonder if I get her on a list very early on if it has potential for her to be accepted? Not sure how it works? Maybe have a look at the school here too, instead of listening to the Facebook arguments about it?

I am not young, but while pregnant I was asked to think about a job when I was ready the manager there thought I would be the perfect fit for! It would come with training and a route to career. I feel my partner and I both having a career would make me feel more secure in our life for our daughter.. I worry if anything goes wrong, we split or one of us loses a job the impact that would have on her. I want to know I always have a back up plan. Home Ed and no career prospects would make me very reliant on my partner for security in my scenario.. not sure I want to take the risk.

I guess if she is at school, and we both work, we would have the money then for extra curricular. Home Ed I would need to be very creative in activities on a budget. I'm not confident with the current economy to hedge my bets on always making ends meet.

I had a horrendous time at school... which resulted in myself becoming very poorly and missing out on teenage years and a good education. I have a lot of fear, and very protective to ensure our child doesn't end up like me 😅 so I'm worried my fears are creeping in and skewing my perspective.. the angry posts online about schools doesn't fill me with confidence either. I'm just desperate for her not to be emotional damaged. That's my ultimate fear.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 13/07/2023 19:44

I think as long as you're willing to listen to her and take her preferences into account she will be ok. Looking into home ed as a possible option for later if school is difficult for her makes sense, but I don't know that starting with home ed, when it's not really your preference, just in case she finds school difficult later does make sense.

State schools don't have waiting lists and if it's a popular one then being outside of catchment will probably put you at a disadvantage. Maybe you could look at moving within the catchment area if you like that school. Or yes, definitely go and look at the local one and see what you think of it rather than worrying about Facebook.

Dressinginmygown · 20/10/2023 08:02

@BertieBotts hits the nail on the head! You need to look at the schools and see what they are doing.

Reception is play based - most of their day is playing and learning to play with other children. There will be short (10/15 minute) inputs for maths and phonics on the carpet, but they will spend the rest of their time exploring the classroom and applying their skills in practical activities indoors and outdoors. Each child is likely to spend a short time working one-one on a focus acitvitity and then return return to play.

I do not think online lessons are beneficial for many children - definitely not early years.

stayathomer · 20/10/2023 08:09

Op when you say a ‘good’ school, what do you mean? When we went to visit schools I was genuinely blown away by the community of each, the inclusion, the artwork, the make learning fun aspect. When away from school because of Covid I was floored by the activities, race day, school fairs, cake sales, Christmas play … what I’d thought I’d liven the kids over Covid wasn’t a patch on all of this. Personally I think home school should only be attempted where general schooling can’t help, is this the case? Hope this isn’t coming across badly, I just think socially school is unparalleled

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