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[NiceParkingSpotRitaThanksJanet]

Hi all,

Bit early for any decisions but I am considering home ed for my child. I have mentioned the idea to family who are horrified. The terms "weird" "isolated" and "socialising" have come up. I imagine that I will get similar responses from anyone else I mention this to.

My question is, how do you deal with it? I'm doubting my reasons for considering home ed and just thinking I should put my child in mainstream school for an easy life/lack of judgement/it's just the "done thing".

Did anyone else experience this?

Yeah I’ve noticed the same thing, most people are against it. My sister is a teacher and said that every family she’s known to home educate are a “concern to ss” (Implying that it was a safeguarding issue.) My daughter is home ed but my others attend school and they tell me the teachers constantly quiz them on it and are always asking if dd is “in school yet” they say the same to me when I see them “are you still homeschooling?” 🙄

That reaction is common from people who have no experience of home ed, or who have only met one or two home ed kids and think they can generalise from that.

Weird: there is less pressure on home educated kids to conform, so yes, they can be different. That isn't always a bad thing. We don't tend to level the same criticisms against adults who are quirky, so why should we want all kids to be the same? Because they don't live in fear of ostracism, HE kids tend to know their own minds and have an inner confidence, I find. One of my kids was perfectly average and you never would have known they were home educated. My other child has special needs. She was, and is, different. That would have been the case if she'd gone to school also, only at school she would have been picked on for it. People tend to overlook the fact that some children are home educated because they wouldn't have fit into school well. To put it bluntly, my younger child isn't different because she's home educated; she's home educated because she's different.

Isolated: you could isolate your home educated child if you choose to do so. But as a good parent, why would you do that? If you choose not to isolate them, it is easy enough to include them in society. In fact, I think it is easier to do that if they aren't shut up in school away from the rest of the world and normal daily life five days a week. Whether you think school is a good or bad thing, no one could claim it resembles the outside world much, and I don't think it provides a great preparation for living in the world.

Socialisation: it's a total myth that home educated kids don't have access to social opportunities and don't develop good social skills. We all roll our eyes when we hear that one, as it is quite ridiculous. If nobody else beats me to it, I'll come back later to explain why that is or point you to an article or to about it.

I home educate my two younger ones and did my eldest as well but he’s finished (and taking a year out before starting uni). I don’t really get this any more but I used to find it was quite effective when someone expressed their concerns to say something like ‘well I wasn’t sure about that but then I did some reading/visited our local home Ed group/spoke to parents already home educating and now I realise .. there’s a lots of opportunities to socialize/ lots of resources to help you home educate etc’ . Also sometimes get the person to talk about their own experiences of school - from
a ‘did you have a really fantastic time at school then?’ perspective. Most of the time they didn’t love school and maybe helps them understand a bit about why you’re questioning it.

I’ve noticed a big big shift in the last 5 years personally.

Mumsnet is still a little off the wall, but in real life people have heard of home Ed more and are reacting positively (or at least having the manner to make positive comments!). In shops ‘why aren’t they in school?’ has become ‘is it a day off, or are you home schooled?’. People often ask questions in a positive way. Even some neighbours asked past at the end of a home Ed social session just to say hello and were interested to hear a little about it. Our local councillor is positive and will advocate, for example ensuring the park buildings are still unlocked during school times for the home Ed community.

I do think attitudes have shifted a lot in recent years as numbers have grown

Worst: a woman at a Christmas drinks party who spent 15 minutes telling me all about her glittering career progress during the year, then abruptly walked off as soon as she asked my news and I told her I was homeschooling now.

Best: numerous friends who have been full of praise, admiration, ideas and encouragement. Some have admitted they wished they could do the same, but didn't have the patience.

In between: people who have no idea what to say, and try to rearrange their faces into something polite while visibly fighting horror/confusion.

I've learned not to care. I'm doing this for my child, not social kudos. The Christmas party incident really hurt, and left me down and defeated for several weeks, but ultimately, that woman acted like an insensitive dick; I picked myself up and carried on. HE has filtered out a few less-than-supportive people from my life, and that's okay.

I've also learned to talk enthusiastically about it, as that provokes far more interest and less judgement. We're really enjoying home education, and as people around us gradually see that for themselves, they find it easier to talk to us about it :)