Why do you home educate?

[tortoisewoman]

Full disclosure that I'm making a podcast about education in Britain today and I'm looking for a few different reasons for why people home ed - but I'm also very personally interested in the topic. I'm a qualified teacher and I currently work in a school, but I'm doing an MA in education and am generally more interested in home ed/autonomous education for my own future children (currently have 1 DSS age 5 who is not in school for his health). So I'd like to ask the people who currently home educate - why? Have your kids ever been to school or were you EHE from day 1? What are your pros and cons of it? And if you wouldn't mind me mentioning your response in my podcast episode when it comes time to record it (fully anonymised of course) I'd be grateful :)

Some of my dc go to school and thrive.

I HE two of my dc (after 7 years of school), one due to a mental health issue that the school were absolutely rubbish at dealing with, and actually made it worse, another for a health reason where their solution was to pull my dc out of class about 20 minutes in and have them sit by themselves with the occasional teacher sticking their head in, their health condition was deemed 'too disruptive' for the rest of the kids (because they allowed the kids to bully my dc which made their condition worse and so the cycle went).

I'm hoping my younger dc go to secondary and are able to stay there because this HE lark is stressful 🤣

Wow, that sounds like it was absolutely awful 😱I hope you're able to find something that works for you soon!

Because dd didn’t get a place in a special school and no way on earth was I sending her to mainstream.

It's not ideal, and not really what I wanted to do. I could have kept my dc there and fought and fought for them to do right by my kids, but it was just stressful all round and would have taken ages, meanwhile things were getting worse for them both and their education was suffering.

In all fairness they are thriving with HE and get on really well with it mostly, the social side lacks a bit, but we are trying various solutions.

They will attend college at 15, they have a course there for kids like mine which will get them some qualifications and that will allow them into whatever course they want at 16.

The college will be much better for them, I have had a meeting to discuss already, and it's a different crowd at the college too so fingers crossed.

My daughter found it increasingly difficult to go to school and by Year 8 we had serious attendance problems. They always said she was 'fine in school' well behaved and academically capable but at home she would have massive meltdowns and crippling anxiety. She was masking her difficulties and sensory overwhelm and eventually reached burnout and enormous mental distress. She's on the pathway to an autism diagnosis now, we're a year in on the waiting list. She's had various interventions with CAMHS various very long waiting lists. School just could not believe the extent of her problems till things were so bad she was suicidal so I took her out to save her life. I was being threatened with fines for attendance…. There were no options for a flexible or part time approach to help her manage. She just could not do it. A year later and she's in a much better place. Ours is not an unusual story. Check out the website 'Not Fine in School' ...... there are thousands of kids like my daughter.... a badly funded inflexible system is failing many many children...and I say this as a professional working in additional learning needs myself….

I’d like to add that I don’t feel I had a choice in home educating my daughter…. It was not what I envisaged or planned but I was cornered in a situation where her education was actively damaging her and there was very little alternative available. There is such a massive misguided emphasis on attendance at all costs and such a punitive approach to difference and mental health need. And the struggle and bureaucracy involved in trying to prove your child has needs, resources and alternative options are so scarce that it’s easier to just opt out…. And home education is not easy….I have to work full time….it’s not easy to make it work…. But actually it has been wonderful for
my daughter….

@RobinGoch💐💐💐 That sounds like it's been so tough for both of you. Thank you for sharing, especially since you also work in the education sector. I work as a literacy specialist in primary but don't personally believe a 6 year old needs to read - it's a hard balance of professional and personal! I will check out that website, thank you.

We have just de registered from primary, this is the second time we have de registered. At my ds first school he was bullied and they did nothing, they didn’t pick up on his autism and flatly refused to offer any further strategies.

he has attended another school and we have waited three months for the SENCO to meet with us about his needs. He is massively struggling socially and academically. Schools are very under resourced and many SENCOs have other responsibilities so it’s hard to move things on.

He is miserable and that’s why we are going back to HE. I can’t live like this, he refuses school. I get letters over attendance but no help.

My eldest child is 12 and we deregistered before Christmas. She was having difficulty at school, refused to do PE due to body image and self consciousness. She had been bullied at school including physically, had her property stolen and destroyed and had also been spat on. She had ran away from school premises several times. She is awaiting ADHD diagnosis.

It would escalate and end up in arguments with teachers. If she swore at them, she would get a suspension. After so many suspensions she had to be permanently excluded.

There were other incidents, including school suspending her and sending her home without telling either myself or her dad which we felt was a huge safeguarding risk considering her previous attempts to run away from school.

She is like a different child at home 🙂 she's so happy and willing to engage. She's joined some social groups and made friends. My only regret is not deregistering sooner

HE has been a huge success for us. I de registered my son aged 13, due to MH issues.
God help you if you have a child suffering MH issues whilst at school, there is zero help or support, you are well and truly on your own.
My son is 17 now and doing brilliantly, health wise and academically. He passed his IGCSES now studying for A levels, his education is in his own hands, it's made such a difference.
There is a huge stigma 're HE, due to ignorance and closed minds, a lot of negativity, no one congratulates you for choosing to HE, but main thing is it worked out for us.

In my experience as a CAMHS professional most children who are homeschooled are diagnosed or undiagnosed autistic or possibly adhd or both, often having developed mental health problems from the trauma of not fitting into the school system and being unable to access appropriate support.

I unschool my children and have done for 4 years. Eldest went to school for 4 years, middle child for two and youngest has never been.
I’m an ex primary teacher and was completely disillusioned with the education system and my children had had any love of learning drained out of them from the rigid, ‘teach to the test’ style of education that exists today.
I don’t believe school today is fit for purpose for today’s modern kids. It’s antiquated and out of touch. It singularly focuses on academic achievement and little else. In attempting to ‘raise standards’ children are taught only to pass tests for the schools’ league tables and in doing so far too many square pegs are being forced into round holes. This is having a detrimental effect on children. Children are feeling that they are ‘stupid’ or ‘slow’ as they can’t keep up with the ridiculous standards they are held to from a very young age. It is heartbreaking to witness and I couldn’t be part of it anymore. So I left and we all unschool together.
We learn through life, we follow interests and passions and we enjoy childhood. We do some ‘maths’ and ‘English’ type learning but we don’t hold ourselves to being at a certain level/grade at a certain time. We follow where the children are at. We are taking ‘the scenic route’ to get to our final destination 😊

Pros and cons
i think my response above says a lot about the pros. Learning at own pace, no pressure to pass tests and perform for no personal gain, no homework, no rigid schedules, total freedom (that’s a big one!), spending time together and with a diverse group of people (of all ages) at home ed groups and life in general.
The downsides for me are that you don’t get much alone time and doing something so radical in a school-focused society is a bit isolating at times. Despite having plenty of home ed folk locally and having family on hand to help out, you always sense you are doing something’out of the ordinary’. Not isolating in a physical sense, we are always out and doing stuff, but isolating in the sense that it’s not mainstream. But I wouldn’t change it for the world.

@Myleftfoot39 @BoxerMam @SummerWinds It sounds like none of you really had a choice - it wasn't like you decided when your children were born that you wanted to home educate them, but the system essentially forced you to.

You might like to join this Facebook group for people who have an academic interest in home education: www.facebook.com/groups/1582516951965026
You can have a look at what others are researching. There will also be some home ed parents on there who are willing to answer surveys etc, not a huge number, but could be useful.

I initially planned to use HE as a way to delay school start for my eldest (a fairly average child), because I don't like the idea of school for young children. To me it simply felt wrong. While early formal teaching gives a short-term boost to test scores, it seems to damage young kids' well-being and even their longer-term academic skills. For example, here's one controlled study indicating negative effects of a formal academic programme on four year olds: www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/freedom-learn/202201/research-reveals-long-term-harm-state-pre-k-program

Once we were doing home ed, I saw more and more advantages to it and never did feel the time was right for my child to start school after all. That one did try school for a term at the age of ten out of curiosity, and then decided to return to home education. They are now doing really well at university. I think they would have done okay at school, but home ed made for a happier childhood and more opportunities to enjoy a range of experiences. School most likely would have wrecked their fragile health when they developed CFS/ME at 15, a condition which was manageable in a home ed setting.

My other child is seven years younger and has a learning disability. By the time she arrived, I was well sold on home ed anyway. School would have been a particularly poor fit for her, so I never gave it serious consideration. I mean, just in terms of self-esteem alone, it seems a very damaging environment. She has a moderate learning disability and would have been mainstreamed. What would it be like for her to spend a thousand hours a year engaged in academic tasks in a roomful of kids who can all do things she can't, getting the message that academic performance is of more value than her other skills? All the kindness and targeted help in the world cannot fix the consequences of that.

Now she is 16, happy and confident and still learning at her own pace. She taught herself to read at 14 and now takes a keen interest in basic arithmetic. She enjoys woodworking and sports and learning about the world around her. She has many friends of various ages and abilities. A five year old at the bushcraft sessions where she volunteers follows her around like a puppy, knowing her to be fun and clever and helpful. Though she looks blank when her very bright teenaged friends try to discuss philosophy with her, they still have a good time together kicking a ball around, climbing trees, and playing online games in which they explode virtual worlds in silly ways. Home education has been the making of her.

We are HE as first choice - i decided to HE my children as i came from a very deprived background and had seen school fail virtually all of my family. Most of the men/boys had spent time in prison everyone had dead end jobs and lived in poverty and i had left with no qualifications.

I guess i thought Madness is keeping doing the same thing and expecting a different result. I knew that children from my background was always doing the worst at school - so i thought why not try something different and break the cycle.

My son was the first male never to have been in trouble with the Police and my children were the first to have proper careers. My children were not the first to go to university - that was me, i now have a 1st class honours and a masters. But my two eldest went to university and the other could of but chose not to.

My Grandchildren are all HE and we would have to have an extremely good reason to send a child to school as i see my nieces and nephews and my cousins children all following the family path of failing at school, no qualifications, poor job prospects prison etc.

Home education was a revelation to us - the amount of opportunities and the time you had to follow passions enabled my children and now my Grandchildren to see the world differently. The only other children in my extended family who broke the cycle was my cousins children who saw what i had done and gave HE a try.

My children are a boat builder, a firefighter and a theatre manager. My Grandchildren are all under 14 so no outcomes yet.

I've always home educated, none of my 5 children have ever been to school/nursery/preschool. Started 20 years ago with my eldest son. My reasons were many and varied. I first heard about HE when my eldest was a baby and after doing a bit of research I decided that was what I was going to do. For me it was a natural progression from attachment parenting and I loved the idea of him learning things in his own time and own way rather than being forced to follow a curriculum. I also knew that he was far from ready for the formal environment of school at 4/5/6 and being separated from me for 5 days a week. I loved the freedom that HE gave us to allow my son to follow his passions and interests, to drop everything and go to the beach for the day, to take holidays in term time which would have been unaffordable otherwise, to not have to wear the same clothes (uniform) 5 days a week, to socialise with a wider range of ages than he would have done at school. I could go on! Anyway, by the time my second was born it never ever crossed my mind that I would send him to school, and the same goes for my 3 daughters. Happy to chat privately if that's 'allowed' on Mumsnet?

@Jacqueline1970 of course it's allowed! Sending you a PM now :)