Social opportunities for teens

[snumsmet]

Hello,

My HE 14yo wants to meet more kids his age. What do your teens do to expand their social circles?

He is going to try a new martial art and a youth club, I'm wondering what else might be good. He may try school because of this recently increased need for a wider peer group, and that's fine too, but he isn't sure he wants to do that as he'd have so much less flexibility.

We live in south east London, if that helps.

14 starts to be a tricky age for getting new friends, because teens begin to be so busy with GCSE prep. That's hugely significant for kids at school, and even somewhat significant for home ed kids. I think that as a result, they often prioritise existing friendships and hobbies. So it's a challenge, and I'd cast your net wide and work hard at this. My unschooled teen spent more time with slightly younger kids and with adults at this age, because so many of their age-peers were very nose-to-the-grindstone about exams.

My eldest was super sociable and went to loads of groups. One thing I noticed is that the opportunities to make friends there were very dependent on the specific group and how it was set up, rather than the type of activity per se. For instance, at one point they were in two choirs. One choir was a high-powered serious affair. The director tolerated no whispering during sessions, so you would think not so good for making friends. But there was a half-hour break during which the kids chatted and munched snacks, which made all the difference. Also, it was a bit tricky to reach because of unreliable public transport and bad traffic, so people tended to arrive up to half an hour early so as not to be late - more chances to hang around and get to know each other. What's more, because of the transport challenges, there was a fair bit of lift-sharing going on. DC made several good friends plus a nice handful of casual friends. The other choir was a low-pressure school choir which I expected would be great, but from the moment the kids arrived they were directed toward structured activities. There was no break. They were pushed out the door rapidly at the end, onto a busy pavement where there was absolutely no chance to chat. After two years in that choir, my outgoing friendly kid remembered the names of only three other children, and had no friends from the choir.

We learned to assess the friend-making potential quite quickly when trying new groups. If you're attuned to it and it's your top priority, you can often predict it on the first day. See how the other kids interact with each other and how much unstructured time there is. If they are put to "work" from the moment they walk in the door, how are they going to bond?

You could also ask this on your local home ed group. Other home ed families are often looking for the same thing as you, so they may have recommendations for particular local groups to join.

Thank you very much for your considered response, Saracen. Great food for thought.