Starting home ed - a wobbly post!

[ShepherdMoons]

My dd is 8 and has really struggled in school over the last year. She's a quiet child, social but lacks confidence in certain subjects despite excelling in her first two years of school. Her class teacher seemed to take a dislike to her for some reason that we do not understand and she was routinely shouted at and humiliated in front of the class. Despite several meetings with the teacher and even speaking to the head we find ourselves really no further ahead. It's a shame as she enjoyed many aspects of school and her friendships there. Her anxiety about returning to school though (due to the class teacher) meant that we have now de-registered her.

We plan to home educate for a period of time but I'm feeling upset about it all and really don't know if I'm able to provide what she needs in the long term. I feel so disappointed in the school and the way my dd has been treated. Any ideas and suggestions would be very helpful.

I have considered home educating and it is something I would consider doing if I felt it beneficial for my children. Now I am in my ITT year and I would say that if you are interested in how to be a good educator do some background on things like cognitive load theory, and Rosenshines Principles of Instruction. Also look at The work of Carol Dweck, I.e it’s ok to make mistakes because that’s how we learn.

You can find lots of videos on YouTube.

I tutor my own children at the weekends and I also tutored them before I undertook my ITT and I do feel knowing how to teach, the pedagogy really, really helps.

Do they keep the same class teacher ? Only one class intake so she couldn't switch classes ? Seems drastic that you haven't considered another school.

Have you tried any extra circular confidence building like a club ? Brownies / scouts / karate ?

I would see if you can find a forest school home Ed group once a week.

If you aren't sure whether you can manage home ed in the long term, what about just doing it for the rest of this year? Give your daughter a break and a chance to recover from the damage her current teacher did, and improve self-esteem while learning in a new way. Then if the two of you feel home ed isn't viable, she could return next year to a different teacher alongside her existing friends. Home ed doesn't have to be forever. Or do you feel your relationship with the school is irreparably damaged because the head didn't resolve the problem? Of course, a return to the same school would be subject to availability of a place at the school: if it is oversubscribed then you'd have to wait for a place to become available, which might never happen.

It's common for parents to find that once they have a bit of experience with home ed, their confidence in their ability to do it increases. In many respects it is much easier to provide a good education at home than school. The benefit of one-to-one attention is huge, for example. Your daughter might make friends and be happy outside of school. In many areas like mine there is a good network of home ed families eager to promote friendships, and it is very easy for a sociable child to slot in. Have you made contact with local HE families yet? I think that could be very reassuring to you.

@Fucket

I have considered home educating and it is something I would consider doing if I felt it beneficial for my children. Now I am in my ITT year and I would say that if you are interested in how to be a good educator do some background on things like cognitive load theory, and Rosenshines Principles of Instruction. Also look at The work of Carol Dweck, I.e it’s ok to make mistakes because that’s how we learn.

You can find lots of videos on YouTube.

I tutor my own children at the weekends and I also tutored them before I undertook my ITT and I do feel knowing how to teach, the pedagogy really, really helps.

On the flip side, there are many parents like me who feel that educating is actually pretty straightforward and natural when you have the flexibility of addressing your child's individual needs. Without school, there are no inappropriate external targets or pressure. You can let your child learn by following their interests, so they are always engaged in what they are learning. You can experiment with different methods to find what works for your child, rather than being tied to an approach which doesn't suit. You can take advantage of free or cheap resources and the expertise of others in the community.

In fact, teachers who have begun home educating their own children often report that their background was more hindrance than help, and they had to unlearn what they thought they knew about how children learn. Home ed provides a very different learning environment.

I haven't often "taught" my children directly. I see my role as facilitating their learning by providing them with the opportunities and resources they want. They are now 22 and 15, and that approach has suited them well.

Thank you so much that is really helpful, I am still a bit wobbly but trying to put together some ideas for dd.

I sent the email regarding deregistration yesterday to dd's school headteacher but have not heard anything yesterday and all day today. Should I email again to check that they received it? Normally the school would ring if I didn't report dd absence so I am assuming they are going to just take her off the roll without contacting me?

Schools don't always bother to acknowledge deregistration, though it would be polite of them to do so. It's a good idea to have some sort of proof that they received your instruction rather than just assuming that no news is good news - there is always the small chance that they might say they never received your letter, so your daughter stayed on roll, and you eventually had truancy fines due to unauthorised absence. It might be wise to pester the school by email for acknowledgement, or print out your original email and post it to them by Royal Mail "signed for" delivery.

My top tip for a confidence booster when starting home education is to plan some educational trips if that's practical for your family. There are bound to be some museums and historic sites you would have loved to visit - or revisit - if only you'd had time. Now you do! Outings like this really underline an advantage of home education: you can tailor it to your child by taking her somewhere she really wants to go, and let her spend as long as she likes looking at the things which interest her most rather than being hustled along with the rest of the class.

All teachers would love to do more days out if they could, because they provide such fantastic learning opportunities, but it is a big challenge to take an entire class. There's the cost, the need for extra staff or parent volunteers to provide the right ratio of adults to children, the permission forms to get signed and returned, the risk assessment, and the timing (it's often impractical to ask parents to drop children off early in the morning or collect them after the end of the school day). So they don't get out of the building very often. And of course, it's impossible to give individual kids any say in where they go.

If cost or transport is an issue for you, ask other local home educators for tips. There are often less-known places you can go which are cheap or free, or you may be able to get an educational discount.

I mean, you don't need to feel under pressure to traipse all over the place. But if you think it would be fun and possible, days out are an easy way to get some education in and know you are doing a good job.

Thank you that's a wonderful idea.

I have not sent a formal de-reg letter via post but have sent an email expressing our wishes to leave the school due to the reasons stated. I have waited all day but have received no confirmation by email, dojo or via phone. I have no doubt that they have received the email as they would have wondered where dd was otherwise and telephoned me at home (I hope!!).

The head has always been quite reasonable so I imagine she might be hoping I will change my mind if she doesn't email to confirm? Not sure really what to think. I am so sad about the whole thing, the home ed ideas are wonderful but I had hoped that the school might be able to offer us something in my heart of hearts. That probably sounds silly but we are home ed due to necessity not out of choice and I feel sad about dd's anxiety issues.

She's no longer having the intrusive thoughts (they were very violent and disturbing) which we think were caused by stress and the classroom teacher's harsh approach. In many ways it's a relief to see dd not tormented by these awful thoughts any more.

I think you sound like you are hoping the school will persuade you to change your mind. Some parents go to home ed partly because they are unhappy with the school's response to a complaint. The school are not going to get rid of a teacher because one parent thinks they are too harsh. You could:
Try a different school
Ask for a change of class if there are two classes in the year group
Continue with current class knowing that you have raised your concern and things would probably improve
I would not however go for home ed because you are annoyed with the school. Ultimately, if the head feels she has dealt with your complaint, she is not going to beg you to stay at the school. It is also a difficult decision to row back from if your dd then tells you she misses her friends and it does not work out.

It is also a difficult decision to row back from if your dd then tells you she misses her friends and it does not work out.

Only if the school is full, or if you've described home education to your child as a permanent arrangement. If you're not sure how it will pan out in the long run, it's sensible to tell the child that she's having a break from school for a while and you'll make a decision later as a family about what will happen next.

We took our ds out at around this point in year 4. The school had failed its ofsted, the (very good) head had been forced out and ds’ lovely teacher was off on long term sick. Ds was really unhappy and unsettled and some boys were picking on him too.

We never intended it to be permanent. In the end we did it until the end of year 6 and then he went to secondary.

We don’t regret taking him out of an environment where he was unhappy and I’m sure you won’t either. There are loads of resources online and you’ll have lots of opportunities to do visits/attend groups with other home educators if you want to.