Really struggling with home Ed decision

CoffeeAlwaysTired · 2022-03-30T11:15:11+00:00

I’ll be honest I think school is the ideal and have 2 dc absolutely thriving in school However my other dc couldn’t manage school and we had to de register. I’m finding it hard as it’s not what I feel is best. I can see why it works for some families and I understand it is a valid and equal choice but it’s just not my first choice if that makes sense ? I’m not saying it’s the wrong choice or a bad choice just that it wasnt what I ever saw us doing Trying to get advice and I just feel like I don’t fit in in the home Ed community. I’m trying to recreate the structure of school at home and have a timetable etc and set things as I need to see progress and know work is being done. I know home Ed os learning other ways or even de schooling etc but it’s just not for me, we want to do gcses too. I feel we don’t belong in the school system and don’t belong in the home ed community either and I’m quite fed up tbh It has helped dc though I can see that so it has positives but how do I come to terms with a decision I didn’t really want to make ? I feel like I’m somewhere in the middle trying to provide a traditional education at home

Imitatingdory · 30/03/2022 15:47

If it isn’t an active choice to EHE and you are only doing so because DC can’t cope in school you don’t have to continue EHE.

If a compulsory school aged child cannot attend school, including because of their MH, the LA must arrange alternative provision under s.19 the Education Act 1996.

You should also apply for an EHCP, IPSEA have a model letter you can use on their website.

Twizbe · 30/03/2022 15:49

Have you looked at any of the online schools or some of the more alternative schools? There's one near me called the new school which seems to be a different feel and ethos to traditional school

latriciamcneal · 30/03/2022 15:54

Are you keeping a schedule because you think you have to? You don't. Just do whatever is best for you and your child. School will welcome your child, just ask them.

Floralnomad · 30/03/2022 15:56

I would also advise that you look at an online school like Interhigh which has structure etc .

yellowblanketban · 30/03/2022 15:57

This happened to us. MS school was a disaster and awful from everyone but a lot of the same issues were there in home Ed outside of the house (groups / activities etc) which without, led to isolation. We didn't fit it either really.

We did a year and then fought for a SEN placement (which we were originally told he'd never qualify for as he's too intelligent) - he's been there 5 years and the absolute best decision.

Home Ed meant he got MS school out of his system though and could start afresh.

cloverleafy · 30/03/2022 16:03

We would never choose to EHE, so our son travels over an hour each day to a specialist school that can meet his needs. If I were you I'd be hunting and fighting for the right placement.

LazyYogi · 30/03/2022 16:04

What is the reason for your child not coping with school?

Is it the social side or is it the rules and structure there?

How old is your child? Can you involve them in the decision on the best way forward?

I think a period of deschooling - perhaps with a set deadline a bit like a summer holiday might give you both the break you need to start a fresh. Let your child discover their own interests and follow them without any timetabling restrictions. Then you can introduce an online school or your own curriculum or unschool etc however you see fit once MS is left behind. Good luck.

Retrievemysanity · 30/03/2022 16:08

Hi, do you have any other options like Montessori or Steiner schools? Can you get a tutor in for core subjects and do the more fun stuff yourself?

Moonface123 · 30/03/2022 16:24

Your attitude with respect is abit defeatist.
l personally think school is very outdated and limiting, my eldest sailed through no problems but didnt really enjoy it.
l deregistered my 13 yr old as school just wasnt working, he was struggling with panic and anxiety, all school were worried about was his attendance, rathet his well being and expected an overnight cure. He has self taught himself and achieved all A ** in every subject, something l doubt he would have achieved had l kept him in the school system.
You have got to want it to work, and you' ve got to have a very thick skin as most people are very ignorant with regards to HE and do not approve. They are conditioned to see school as the only way. My son knew all eyes were on him, waiting for him to fail so they could happily say " We told you so. " He proved them wrong, he's learnt a hell of alot along the way, self discipline, resourcefulness, endurance, faith etc, my boss gave him a part time job before he even sat exams, he liked that my son was bold enough to try something different. keep an open mind that would be my advice.

Original poster

CoffeeAlwaysTired · 30/03/2022 17:12

Yes I probably am defeatist as it just not where we wanted to be

We are structuring things for 2 reasons, because dc needs an exact routine (asd and pda) plus because it’s how I feel I should do it if that makes sense.

Any kind of educational setting is refused due to high anxiety and agoraphobia so even a specialist placement likely wouldn’t work so we are here , home educating and I need to get a grip on it all. I need to be more positive but it’s hard

I’ll take a look at inter high

OP posts:

CalpolOnToast · 30/03/2022 17:34

I think people get very entrenched in particular home ed philosophies and are quick to cut you down on Facebook if you ask for advice on anything that involves something that also gets done in school. It's unrealistic, lots of people do work well with routines. We aim to sit down to do formal stuff 10-12 and do external classes or project-based activities the rest of the time.

So yes I do know roughly what we're doing this time next week, but I also have the freedom to get rid if it's not working out or go to the beach if it's a nice day etc, which isn't an option with school.

Original poster

CoffeeAlwaysTired · 30/03/2022 17:45

@CalpolOnToast

I think people get very entrenched in particular home ed philosophies and are quick to cut you down on Facebook if you ask for advice on anything that involves something that also gets done in school. It's unrealistic, lots of people do work well with routines. We aim to sit down to do formal stuff 10-12 and do external classes or project-based activities the rest of the time.

So yes I do know roughly what we're doing this time next week, but I also have the freedom to get rid if it's not working out or go to the beach if it's a nice day etc, which isn't an option with school.

I think this is part of the problem - I’d asked on a fb group and the responses weren’t great so I just felt like absolute rubbish !

That I just don’t know where we fit in and I just don’t have faith in what I’m doing . I know I can turn it around but I’m having a really bad week and it just feels like the path I didn’t want to take.

OP posts:

HoldMeCloseImTryingToDanceHere · 30/03/2022 17:46

I get you!
DS has been home for 18 months because his specialist placement failed.
He’s on roll there still, but awaiting EOTAS of some kind to be written into his EHCP (hopefully!)

I have no idea what I’m doing , and DS can’t cope with any kind of pressure, so we’re just…here.
He has so much potential, and the full responsibility of being the one to give him a full education is too much.

So isolating.

No advice, I’m sorry, but

Imitatingdory · 30/03/2022 17:54

If you don’t want to EHE you don’t have to.

Alternative provision under s.19 of the Education Act and separately provision in an EHCP don’t have to be at an educational setting, or any outside setting, they can include home tuition or online tuition, or even not any kind of formal academic education at all.

I understand the need for a strict timetable and routine. DS1 and DS3 find it essential, and their anxiety rockets when they don’t have a timetable.

DS1 has a comprehensive EOTAS package including home tuition, many therapies and other provision such as sports and subscriptions, gym membership etc.

HoldMeCloseImTryingToDanceHere while waiting for the EHCP to be amended (where are you in that process?) the LA should be providing alternative provision under s.19 of the Education Act 1996. If they refuse complain to the Director of Children’s Services and threaten Judicial Review.

Original poster

CoffeeAlwaysTired · 30/03/2022 17:54

@HoldMeCloseImTryingToDanceHere

I get you! DS has been home for 18 months because his specialist placement failed. He’s on roll there still, but awaiting EOTAS of some kind to be written into his EHCP (hopefully!)

I have no idea what I’m doing , and DS can’t cope with any kind of pressure, so we’re just…here.
He has so much potential, and the full responsibility of being the one to give him a full education is too much.

So isolating.

No advice, I’m sorry, but

I’m sorry you’re in a similar situation it’s so hard.

I think you’ve nailed it when you say about the responsibility of it . I just worry I’m going to fail somehow 😩

OP posts:

Makeitsoso · 30/03/2022 17:59

@CoffeeAlwaysTired

Yes I probably am defeatist as it just not where we wanted to be

We are structuring things for 2 reasons, because dc needs an exact routine (asd and pda) plus because it’s how I feel I should do it if that makes sense.

Any kind of educational setting is refused due to high anxiety and agoraphobia so even a specialist placement likely wouldn’t work so we are here , home educating and I need to get a grip on it all. I need to be more positive but it’s hard

I’ll take a look at inter high

The LA should be providing tutoring if it’s for medical (including mental health) reasons.

jebthesheep · 31/03/2022 11:24

Hi
We use online school and it is very good - mine too is a child who does best with routine and everything scheduled in a predictable way. Lots of children there who have found mainstream school problematic for non academic reasons. PM if you like.

cansu · 27/04/2022 19:56

I am a teacher (I feel I should declare this as my views are coloured by this) but I am also a parent to two children who ended up in specialist placements. One of my children had a difficult start in mainstream and I know how it feels to have a child who isn't doing well in school.
I just wanted to say that it isn't always the case that pulling a child out of school solves the problem and that you shouldn't feel that it is now down to you to make it all work. It is perfectly OK to say that the school wasn't great and now the home ed isn't OK. I need a different placement and whilst it might not be perfect, it may have to be enough. My dd is in a specialist school and is absolutely thriving. It suits her perfectly. My ds had very complex needs and his specialist school couldn't meet them all. It did well with some things and not with others. However, I couldn't have met all his needs either and I sincerely believe that there isn't always a perfect answer and that if I had moved him, that may not have worked either. Find the best option for you and for him, imperfect as it may be.

BubblegumIceLollies · 02/05/2022 12:17

You might get better answers if you ask in a local group.
Honestly, the National groups are not reflective of real-life home educators. All my home ed friends use a curriculum... mostly waldorf, classical or Charlotte mason but some do follow the national curriculum. Or a mix of above - like us! If any of these experienced home educators posted in a national group, they would be shut down too.
It is better to ask in a local group or a group that matches your style (I.e. search for classical homeschooling). Or in Facebook groups for particular curriculums (I.e. blossom and root or oak meadow).
We love home ed, good luck in your decision!

BubblegumIceLollies · 02/05/2022 12:20

Or they use tutors/ online schools and classes.
Honestly all very common IRL.

Libertybear80 · 02/05/2022 12:23

I'm about to enrol my DD in interhigh. There's no way I would have the all round skills to home educate.

LostMySocks · 03/05/2022 11:37

I was home educated many many years ago. My parents used the WES scheme from PNEU. She was a teacher and ran our home school to a time table. They still exist and do all sorts of lesson plans.

Jebatronic · 03/05/2022 13:43

LibertyBear, Hope you have a good experience with Kings Interhigh, we have. Don’t forget to join the Groups and WhatsApp, there are friendly parents there who can help with starter stuff.