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Find advice from other parents on our Homeschool forum. You may also find our round up of the best online learning resources useful.

Advice wanted on taking Year 10 daughter out of school

16 replies

VMJ1 · 29/11/2021 11:53

My 14 year old daughter was diagnosed with ASD earlier this year and suffered from a breakdown/burnout partly due to online learning in lockdown. She has managed to go back into Year 10 in September part-time with lots of accommodations made by school but she has realised going to school just isn't helping her to recover. We thought once she started doing well again it would help her self-esteem, but the environment is just too busy and noisy. Her anxiety levels are so high she just can't function. We've concluded over the weekend that she needs to leave. Has anyone else been in this situation? Did you give your child time off to recover and drop down a year? Did you manage to hire home school tutors? Any advice appreciated as this is all new to me.

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RHOShitVille · 29/11/2021 12:03

My DD sounds very similar and has just started at my online school and is really thriving there.

However, before that we were on a part time timetable in school but I found DD fell behind more academically, which added to the worry.

I think at MOS you can do classes in different year groups, so there would be potential to drop down a year for some subjects and not others.

Imitatingdory · 29/11/2021 12:29

Do you actively want to EHE or is it ‘just’ DD can’t attend school and it is the only option you see?

If it is the later, the LA have a statutory duty to provide education to those unable to attend school. This could be home tutors. Also, have you applied for an EHCP? You could get EOTAS via this, which can include more support in addition to tutoring.

BestZebbie · 29/11/2021 15:20

If she is only one term into year ten she might well be able to do all or almost all her GCSEs to the normal timetable if she learns more effectively at home/carries on home education across the summer holidays. You’d need to decide on syllabus/find a way to sit the exams ASAP though, to learn the right stuff.

VMJ1 · 30/11/2021 15:04

Thanks for your messages.
@RHOShitVille I know what you mean about the part time timetable, my daughter couldn't keep up in some subjects and it added to the stress, however online schooling is definitely out as it was having to do this in lockdown that tipped her over the edge.
@Imitatingdory We don't have an EHCP. She was at an independent school and from what I can make out, it seems best to avoid the LA, people seem to be so stressed out by them. I managed to find a local ex teacher that teaches from her own premises to will pursue that as an option. Getting tutors in your home seems problematic especially with organising the actual exams and doing coursework/science experiments.
@BestZebbie What she really needs is some more time to recover so I think she's getting used to the idea of dropping down a year and taking it easy for the rest of this academic year and just keeping up with the basics.

I wondered if other people had children traumatised by school over the last 18 months and needed to have some recovery time or whether they have transitioned to home tutoring easily.

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steppemum · 30/11/2021 15:09

was it the online aspect that she struggled with in lockdown, or more generally?

I ask because there are several online high schools. Small classes, lots of home ed kids on there, very well designed for online.

If that sounds appealing instead of her current school environment then it may be a way forward.
Home tutoring is very expensive, you are looking at £30 per hour.

Also look our for all your local home ed groups, you may find small classes working together towards GCSE, rather than trying to do it all alone.

Imitatingdory · 30/11/2021 15:18

I’m not sure the LA is best avoided, especially if the only reason you want to EHE is because of DD’s MH rather than actively wanting to. At times it is stressful, but it is a route to having DD’s needs better understood and met. If the LA were providing home tuition either via medical needs tuition or via and an EHCP’s EOTAS they can organise exams, including home invigilation. An EHCP could give you access to therapies too.

averythinline · 30/11/2021 15:23

Its not always better to avoid the LA - but if you are in position to maybe have a look at 'un-schooling' it covers a lot about de-compression from the intensity and stress ..
you can simultaneosuly proceed with the LA as they often have access to tutor agencies etc..and also other education options that may surprise you
Does she do any other activities /enagement she likes guides/sport/animals etc the difficulty can be that dc can end up staying in her room and disengaging from everything.....

Saracen · 30/11/2021 22:54

You don't necessarily have to think of it as "dropping down a year" or not. Home education is far more flexible than school, and it doesn't always make sense to think of kids as being in a particular school year. Focus instead on what would actually suit your daughter rather than mapping her onto the school system. If you start off by thinking creatively about what the ideal setup would be for her, you may be able to look for the opportunities and create the environment which is best for her, or at least get a closer approximation.

She doesn't have to sit a big set of GCSEs all at the same time one spring. She doesn't have to do any at all. She can spread them out - home ed kids typically do a few at a time, and may do just the minimum number required to get into employment or the next level of education. For example, colleges often require five or six. Or she could delay some or all of them and do them at college after she is 16 (possibly alongside another course), though colleges won't offer the wide range of subjects available at school or at home. It may be possible to do some in an autumn or winter sitting, but check carefully because sometimes these aren't available to everybody and may be just for resits.

Unless your daughter has her foot on the accelerator because she is desperate to be on a certain college course in two years' time, I would slow right down and let her recover from her anxiety. There's no point going from the frying pan into the fire by rushing and stressing her out. If she's going at her own pace rather than joining in a class, there's no risk of being left behind.

Home educated kids follow all sorts of paths, some quite roundabout. The main thing is to be having their needs met right now. If their mental health needs are addressed and they are happy, the rest will fall into place. The worst that might happen is that plans are delayed by a year or two, which is no disaster in the big scheme of things.

As an example, my eldest had no immediate intention of doing any GCSEs at all. They knew they could always go back for them later if it turned out to be necessary - in particular, English and maths are often desirable. They planned to go straight into work. Meanwhile, they learned independently, doing art, music and sports coaching. Then they changed their mind and started a part-time Level 3 online art course in parallel with English IGCSE at 19. Unfortunately the art course was rubbish and they dropped it halfway through to resume independent art study, and also did maths GCSE via an adult college course aged 20.

Despite having few formal qualifications, they thought they might get a place on a uni foundation year as a stepping stone to a degree course, but were encouraged to apply for the degree course instead and had some good offers. The offers were based on portfolio, recommendations, and personal statement. They're now in second year at uni, getting brilliant results and absolutely loving it.

Until the year they applied to uni, they weren't at all sure what they wanted to do. Not everybody has an answer at the age of 14 to "what do you want to be when you grow up?" and even if they do, it may change. In such a situation, many people urge teens to adopt the "just in case" approach, as schools do, and pack in as many qualifications as possible as fast as possible in a range of subjects. But another approach is the "just in time" approach, in which kids adapt their plan as they go along. It can take time to figure out what they want to do and identify ways to get there. Meanwhile, they learn about whatever most interests them at the time. Motivation remains high and stress low when they are following their own lights. My kid found that approach worked really well for them.

gogohm · 30/11/2021 23:07

My dd really struggled at this age. Her school arranged for her to have an "office" aka a cupboard and a laptop or I had to pick her up

VMJ1 · 04/12/2021 16:20

@saracen
Thank you so much for your advice. It takes a while to get used to the idea of stepping away from the school system and it was very reassuring to hear your experiences. She is keen to carry on learning so wants to find an alternative in the New Year but I think to be able to do it at her pace and not be in a rush to sit lots of GCSE's in one go would be much better. She also enjoys art so I think to have much more time doing the things she enjoys will be good for her.

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Apple40 · 04/12/2021 22:53

Hi, you looked into alternate provisions? In our local authority the local college have a 14-16 group especially for home educated youngsters where they can study for their gcse maths and English exams and the college covers these exam fees. You mentioned not wanting local authority involvement but I just wanted to let you know if you de register from your school they will automatically let the local home education team know.

Nocutenamesleft · 13/12/2021 11:09

So if you fully EHE. You’ll have to pay for the cost of each GCSE. if she stays at school. The school would pay obviously.

I love home Ed though and wouldn’t change it.

VMJ1 · 13/12/2021 16:34

@Nocutenamesleft We can't really stay at school as it is independent and obviously makes no sense for us to continue paying to be on the roll! Are you home schooling at GCSE level? You say you wouldn't change it so what makes it work for your family? At the moment DD just needs a break to recover but hopefully at some point she'll manage to study again.

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Nocutenamesleft · 13/12/2021 17:32

I’m not home schooling yet at GCSE LEVEL. But I 100% will do

I’m heavily in the home schooling community here. So love it

Oh. It works for so many reasons. My eldest hated school. Huge school refuser. The stress was immense. She was 2 years behind

After taking her out. In 5 months. She’s caught up and was ahead. Just from being out of school. They’re under so much pressure. It’s not healthy.

Happy1982ish · 13/12/2021 17:33

Pre covid
How was she at school?

VMJ1 · 14/12/2021 16:52

@Happy1982ish
DD never really seemed to fit in at primary school, the happy smiley louder children always seemed to get noticed more. Any concerns were met with 'she'll grow out of it'. First year at senior school difficult socially. The next school year she just seemed to be finding her feet with friends and academically and then Covid hit. Being at home, isolated from friends and learning via Zoom (autism made this hard) just tipped her over the edge. Now we've realised she is behind in certain subjects because the style of teaching didn't fit with how she learns and she couldn't tell anyone how difficult she was finding it. Ahead on other subjects though, so teaching style had a big impact.
@Nocutenamesleft I applaud you for taking action early on, although she wouldn't give up on school until this month. I agree that the pressure for some children is just too much. I'm glad your DD is now thriving.

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