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Home ed

Find advice from other parents on our Homeschool forum. You may also find our round up of the best online learning resources useful.

Son in Yr11. Has anyone left mainstream for online Ed at this point? (Trigger warning)

27 replies

DevastatedandDistraught · 13/10/2021 20:27

Is there anyone out there who has, for whatever reason, taken their child out of school for online school at this point in their GCSE’s? My ds15 has always hated school. He has now reached a point where he just cannot seem to cope with it any more. No matter how many times we tell him he has literally only a few short months it makes no difference. The situation is complicated because 2 years ago we lost his sister to suicide. She didn’t have mental health issues but she was taking a drug which could cause suicide and it tragically did.

This has devastated us as a family and while my son seems to have coped well, there is no way this hasn’t affected him, although it doesn’t seem to have influenced his hatred of school.
He is not likely to achieve well academically although he is very driven and wants to be out working. He wants to go to college next year and should get what he needs for the course he wants to do.
Under “normal” circumstances we would just make him suck it up and get on with it but because of what happened with his sister we are so fearful of how miserable he is. Not that he seems depressed (but then his sister wasn’t depressed either and it still happened). I’m scared that once suicide affects a family it becomes an option for the others but similarly I don’t want to give him the message that he can just opt out of things he doesn’t like. I have lost all confidence in myself as a mother.
It doesn’t help that his personality type is very pessimistic and despite trying to teach him coping strategies he just can’t keep this hatred of school in context and focus on the good things in life. For him it’s overwhelming.
He isn’t interested in counselling. He is very head strong and like most 15 year olds, thinks he knows best. We are at a loss what to do. Would you enroll for online school at this point (he did online during lockdown and whilst he didn’t enjoy it he didn’t complain because he was at home).
Would online schools accept him at this point & if so can anyone recommend an online provider?

OP posts:
Turmerictolly · 13/10/2021 20:50

I'm so very sorry to hear about your loss. This must have had a devastating impact on you all.

My gut instinct would be to take him out but if he has friends at school how might that impact him? Have you spoken to the school about how he feels? It's a big decision and might impact what he wants to do afterwards.

Also, you could try posting this in the secondary education section for more perspectives as it probably gets a lot more traffic than the Home Ed section.

DevastatedandDistraught · 13/10/2021 20:59

@Turmerictolly

I'm so very sorry to hear about your loss. This must have had a devastating impact on you all.

My gut instinct would be to take him out but if he has friends at school how might that impact him? Have you spoken to the school about how he feels? It's a big decision and might impact what he wants to do afterwards.

Also, you could try posting this in the secondary education section for more perspectives as it probably gets a lot more traffic than the Home Ed section.

Thank you for replying.

He doesn’t have any real friends at school. No one he would miss. We are in contact with the school but everyone is at a loss as to how to help him. I think I’ll ring them again tomorrow as I’m genuinely worried about my son.

I’ll look on the secondary Ed section for advice too. Thank you.

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BlueistheNewme · 13/10/2021 21:08

I’ve had my daughter out of school for 8 months of year 10. She’s back in at the moment, but struggling. Health before school, you can come back to it later is how I look at it.

I think it’s more important for them to be happy, so I would take him out.
I did look into my daughter sitting her GCSE’s at exam centres. The home ed board had links to the info. I’m not sure if it’s a bit late for that.

Is there someone at school you can speak to? Maybe they can agree for him to attend for a minimal time table and just sit a few of the exams.

I’m sorry that your family have lost someone to suicide. I can’t imagine your pain. Talk lots together, and keep the communication open with your son.

Sorry I haven’t been much help.

Orangejuicemarathoner · 13/10/2021 21:10

Is part time school an option, English maths and science only?

Moonface123 · 13/10/2021 21:33

I am very sorry for your loss.
I personally think it is quite common for students who have had a devastating loss to struggle with school.
Your son would have covered most of his education at this stage.
There are exam centres where you can sit GCSE' s, there are also IGCSEs where student gets marked on the exam only, a lot of home schooled students take these exams, they are recognised in UK and in many other countries.
l de registered by 13 year old son due to anxiety disorder. He is much better in himself now, the break from school did him the world of good and he will sit his exams next month at a local private college, as a private candidate. He has used the Edexcel GCP revision and workbooks, available in amazon, good reviews, and has worked on past exam papers that you can print out.
All is not lost, there are very helpful forums online 're home education. My son has found sites that help him with Maths on Youtube.
You may also find Not Find At School helpful. P!enty of parents on there in similar circumstances.
I can imagine this must be a difficult time for you all and l wish you all the best.

Budapestdreams · 13/10/2021 21:52

You need to escalate things with the school. You are past the point of continually trying to get him to go in.

He is too stressed, too unhappy. You need to find out ALL the options.

  1. There are some technical colleges that take students from Y10 onwards. See if there are any near you.
  2. Home education, as you say is an option.
  3. Specialist provision centres for students who struggle in mainstream school, he may or may not be eligible.
  4. Apprenticeships, not usually an option in under 16s but I have heard of them occasionally. Would need to do Maths and English GCSEs.

The real question is what does your son want to do this year? If he is capable of getting the grades needed for college while working from home then that should be an option.
Would that help his stress levels? Would it make him happier?
Would he get the GCSEs needed for college?
Does he want to leave school and study at home?
Would he be able to do the college course if he dropped some GCSES?

If your answers are yes, I'd let him do it. I would do anything to help his mental health, while supporting him to make a future for himself.

Good luck

Branleuse · 13/10/2021 21:59

Id take him out and see if he prefers online school. He could restart the gcse course if he preferred as with home education you dont have to use the same timescale as normal school

hotdogsjumpingfrogs · 13/10/2021 22:02

I agree with a pp. health before school.

My son was also ill, I got an EHCP and got a direct payment so I could hire online tutors. Cost much less than a specialist school, (hence LA going for it) and got him the GCSE's he needed to access the next step. This can take time to negotiate but is an option.

I'm very sorry for your loss, i know you feel you've lost your confidence in parenting, but it sounds like you are doing a great job of supporting your son.

DevastatedandDistraught · 13/10/2021 23:26

Thank you so much everyone. I will take all the information on board and speak to school tomorrow.
He only needs 4 GCSE’s at grade 4 or above for his college course. I think he’ll get that. If he doesn’t get Maths and English he can do that as part of his college course, although ideally we’d like him to get these before college. He is doing a full timetable at the moment so should be able to drop some GCSE’s and still have enough to do his college course.
Studying at home would definitely make him happier. I think he is totally disconnected at school anyway so he couldn’t do any worse than study at home and it would be made clear to him that that is part of the deal if we do take him out- he works to the best of his ability.
We live rurally so I don’t think there would be much in the way of alternative provision for him. Maybe the school can advise me on this.
You have given me a lot of food for thought and I’m feeling less bleak about the situation than I was earlier. Thank you.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 13/10/2021 23:29

My kids did myonlineschooling for a while and we really liked it

MadamNoo · 13/10/2021 23:33

Yes we took ds out for y11 and are so glad we did. Not all online schools will take them half way through their gcse courses, as online schools often seem to follow different boards or igcse, just to warn you. But I will echo pp - health and happiness first.

icclemunchy · 14/10/2021 02:17

Mine are much younger so I can't help with pulling him now (although fwiw I think his happiness is more important than sticking it out!)

But something we've done when our girls want to stop a class or group is ask them to get involved in researching the alternatives. When my 10yo recently decided she didn't want to do her French class we looked together at what her other options were and she sent an email herself to the provider of a different class to see if she could join despite being outside the age range.

We've found that it stops them just quitting because it's hard or they're a bit fed up that week and it fits well with our general home Ed ethos

MrsCardone · 14/10/2021 02:49

Take him out of school, if he wants to leave. There is loads you can do to help him at home. Do you work OP, or are you a SAHM?

BirdyBirdyTweetTweet · 14/10/2021 03:57

Aside from other comments....look into if you would be financially responsible for the GCSE exam costs if you do decide EHE.

MyDcAreMarvel · 14/10/2021 04:13

Try Wolsey hall, you can join at any time.

DevastatedandDistraught · 14/10/2021 07:05

@MrsCardone

Take him out of school, if he wants to leave. There is loads you can do to help him at home. Do you work OP, or are you a SAHM?
I’m a SAHM
OP posts:
HelloDulling · 14/10/2021 07:31

Friends have used InterHigh with great success. I don’t know if they would take part way thru the course though.

honkytonkheroe · 14/10/2021 07:34

I totally think he could work better at home than at school if he is very unhappy. Is there any course work to be considered, practicals?

MrsCardone · 14/10/2021 11:31

@DevastatedandDistraught Then I would take him out. Not point being there if he’s miserable.

wilsonjim · 14/10/2021 12:08

So sorry OP for everything you have been through.

I'd definitely be taking him out. Are there any colleges nearby that offer 14-16 courses ? For eg Nottingham Uni do and offer GCSEs alongside a vocational course or simply GCSEs.

itsstillgood · 15/10/2021 05:25

Starting an online school or college now for summer 22 exams will be difficult. Even if they'd take you will be playing catch up. Also they won't be teaching the same syllabus as he has covered so far.
Home educators generally do International GCSEs for at least some subjects like English Language and Science.
The biggest issue though is not studying - you can buy the textbook, print off exam papers and just study yourselves so you can set the pace needed to cover the materials. The biggest issue is finding an exam centre that will enter private candidates for exams. There are entire counties with no provision. It used to be we had a not huge but ok network of schools, private and state, who would accept a few external candidates but 2 years of exam cancellations have decimated exam centre provision (and it hasn't been easy for private candidates to get grades during the cancellations) leaving us reliant on private exam centres which has pushed up costs massively both in terms of exam fees but travel/overnight accommodation.
For all the negatives I have raised I do agree that mental health is the most important thing. I would try to explore options with the school though before deregistering. See if there is anyway to keep him in roll but just go in for exams.
If that is a no, see if they would enter him as a private candidate and allow him to stick with the syllabi he has studied if they will transfer any practical components. If they say this get it confirmed in writing and check they will support TAGs if we have another year of disruption to exams.

The following links might help
he-exams.wikia.org/wiki/Starting_Home_Education_in_Year_11

m.facebook.com/groups/372952306164915/

Saracen · 16/10/2021 00:24

I'll echo others in saying that if you deregister now, it may be difficult to find somewhere for your son to sit exams in spring 2022. At the same time, his mental health has to come first and if school is making him miserable, that could be a more important consideration than achieving exams at the "usual" age. There are no deadlines for education except that IIRC many college courses must be started before the age of 19 to qualify for funding, but that still gives a few years leeway.

He is not likely to achieve well academically although he is very driven and wants to be out working. He wants to go to college next year and should get what he needs for the course he wants to do.

Reassure him that there are other options if that doesn't happen. The college might take him onto a less advanced course in autumn 2022 so he could progress to his preferred course the following year. Our local college offers a year-long package of five "catch-up" GCSEs, for example. My eldest, who had no GCSEs, considered that option at the age of 17. Another possibility is to prepare for exams from home, but aim to sit them a bit later, for example there are some sittings in autumn or winter or he could do them in spring 2023.

He might use this year to start some part-time work alongside informal relaxed home education - the two of you can do whatever subjects seem appropriate. For example, he might keep the maths ticking over and also do practical life skills such as DIY, cookery, and money management. (I say "part-time" because any job this year would have to conform with child labour laws.)

From June 2022 he will be finished with Compulsory School Age, whereupon most restrictions on working are lifted. The duty to remain in education after Y11 is not being enforced and there are no penalties for not participating. So if he didn't want to go to college, he could go into full-time work instead. This was what my kid originally intended to do, knowing that they could go back and get qualifications later on.

With home education, the end of Y11 is not the cliff face which it is at school. Outside the school system, there is no particular reason why exams need to be done at that age. Your son and you may feel a little more relaxed if you remember that there are many backup plans available if he doesn't sit exams this year. School is absurdly inflexible and he's probably been getting the message for years that his life will be a disaster if he doesn't sit a good number of GCSEs, and achieve good results in them, at exactly the "right" age. It really isn't like that, unless he buys that story and becomes unduly discouraged about the direction his life is taking.

Cantthinkofaname21 · 16/10/2021 00:43

Is it worth speaking to the school & seeing whether you can focus on the important ones. Speak to him to see if he would agree to go to school, to at least attend those lessons? Might mean a lot of driving to & fro for you but it might work?
I do think it may be worth looking into a counsellor to get him to talk through some things? I say this as you mention feeling overwhelmed etc and this could repeat in college and he could then walk away if it ‘made’ easy this time without trying to find a solution?
I sympathise with you as I had to struggle getting my now 18 year old through sixth form -two years (in between covid ) I spent a lot of time sat outside persuading her to go in and trying to support her as much as possible & then with covid the online school was exactly as the same - a lot of support to get her even go log in! We got her a counsellor to support her through the issues - we’ve had a wobbly start to uni but she’s using those skills to see it through. BUT her health comes first if I felt it was best to quit uni and come home I wouldn’t stop her in a heartbeat but I know she needs a little support to keep going at this point.

BulliedNoMore · 16/10/2021 01:00

My DD was a school refuser due to various horrible traumatic issues which I shan't go into here. Similar but not the same as what your DS has been through. I made her go to school and I deeply, deeply regret doing this. If he really hates it that much, imho it is not worth sending him. I know you didn't specifically ask for opinions like mine but I just felt I had to reach out. If he is likely to get the grades he needs to do the course he actually wants to do especially, why put him, and yourself through that. I really am very sorry for your loss xxx

DevastatedandDistraught · 18/10/2021 20:42

Thank you so much to everyone for your replies. You have provided me with a wealth of knowledge and it’s very reassuring that every one of you have said mental health first, education second.
Just to update, I have spoken to school (who are very understanding of our circumstances) and they have agreed that my son can do 3 days at school, 1 day wfh and 1 day on a work placement arranged through school. It will mean he has to drop a GCSE but we can live with that.
I’m so relieved that this will take some of the pressure off for him so that hopefully we can get the exams done next year and he can go to college as planned.
I had no idea such an option would be open to us and I’m grateful for the school’s understanding. It would have been much harder without their cooperation. Just shows if you don’t ask you don’t get…

OP posts: