Home educating only one of of your kids?

[Parsley91]

My son is 6 and we are waiting on an adhd/autism diagnosis, but in short, school is definitely not right for him. Unless he asks to go, I intend to home educate him all the way. I also have a 4yo and a 4 month old, and seeing as we made the leap to home ed for DS1 I assumed we would do the same for the other two. We have a lovely home Ed community in our town which our whole family feels welcome in and loads of friends and connections within it. When when we were new everyone was so welcoming and kind. It’s a community in a way that school just isn’t...and it’s so hard to hand over the reins when you are used to freedom with your child.

DS2 has just started nursery and I am torn over whether to continue with him into school. He adores it, cries when he has to leave each day. He only goes three mornings a week so our family still goes on lovely adventures all the time and DS1 in particular is coming along in leaps and bounds education wise. I have had such a positive experience of it all and such negative experiences with nursery (despite DS2 being oblivious and loving it) that I just don’t want to send him to school. And yet...DS1 is so demanding and however much I love him, I am often very stressed when all 3 boys kick off at the same time, and he is usually the worst of all. I wonder if I will be a worse parent if I try to home ed all three? Also, DS1 already sucks so much attention from the others that I worry it’s not fair to send the others to school while he and I continue having so much one on one time?

Ahhh!

Basically I feel emotionally and educationally home ed is best for my children, but for my mental health and everyone getting enough one on one time I feel school for the younger two could be beneficial?

Have you ever had to make this decision? Or have you home educated three kids of different ages? DS1 talks CONSTANTLY to the point where at the moment I have found it physically impossible to teach DS2 around him due to his constant interruptions and talking over me, but I am hopeful this is just a phase.

I keep feeling like “eff my mental health, I want to home ed” but I have a fear of turning into my mother because I grew up with parents who were not great because they didn’t take care of themselves first ever.

I also wanted to ask if other home ed parents have found themselves feeling biased against school ...just, in general. I feel like the nursery teachers just tell me what I want to hear and then wave me off at the gates. I’m not a helicopter parent but I’d like to hand off my child to someone who looks like they actually like him, or children at all. Also, I had my sons teacher pressure me into collecting him three hours early because all the other parents did that (despite his session being 6, not 3 hours long), implying this would happen every day. Lo and behold when I arrived she was hurrying to her car!

My mum works at a primary school too and she says some of the teachers there can’t even read some long words in the passages they are reading out to the class.

There have been wonderful teachers who have worked with my boys but just as many who were negligent, uncaring etc it seems like luck whether they get a good un each year. It’s all fine if your child is confident and happy at nursery but when they suddenly have a problem or have more need for help and attention than the usual child things go down hill fast

I haven’t home-Ed though I put a lot of thought into doing it and it could come to that yet.

I think it suits some dc and not others and it’s ok to take different routes with different dc according to their needs.

Ds also has asd and problems with school, so home Ed has been considered. But dd would hate it. She thrives on the interaction with friends, the dynamic with teachers, group learning, etc. Ironically she would be much easier to home ed than ds but I think it would be wrong for her.

Also, it’s not just ok to prioritise your mental health in these decisions - it’s absolutely vital that you do. It’s the difference between it being successful and not.

Hi, I don't home school in that my child goes to preschool ,and I can't see it in our future as my husband is not able to see past the issues with "how will they be able to do exams etc ". Where we live , it's probably a bit harder to homeschool then in the UK.
However, we both are very much on the same page about how education in schools doesn't meet every child's educational needs, and I suppose it's the same for homeschooling.
Your oldest child appears to be thriving at home,whereas your child at nursery,is thriving there.
I wouldn't feel guilty about meeting each child's needs in different ways. Could you send your middle child to school, try it,and if it is a good fit for him, happy days. If not, homeschool him too?

I was mulling over your situation today.

it’s not fair to send the others to school while he and I continue having so much one on one time

If you have 3 to homeschool you won’t be able to give ds the one:one attention that he needs and benefits from. And possibly won’t be able to give the others enough attention either.

But if you homeschool one, when the others come home from school you might feel comfortable giving him some screen time so you can focus on the other two for a little while.

I don't home ed myself, but I know two families that do and in both cases they don't do it for all the kids in the family.

@Parsley91 hi!

I have two DC, and always saw myself home educating both. However, here I am, thinking it's time I fill in the forms for secondary place for DS. We've had a lovely home Ed journey, but with DD now at 'school age' and needing more attention I feel the best thing is to use secondary school. I probably wouldn't have happily made this decision if DS didn't insist he wanted to try school.

Not a very helpful reply (sorry), but we will be in the position where one will be home and one at school.
A lot of the families I know have a similar arrangement.

Wishing you the best

@Parsley91

I also wanted to ask if other home ed parents have found themselves feeling biased against school ...just, in general. I feel like the nursery teachers just tell me what I want to hear and then wave me off at the gates. I’m not a helicopter parent but I’d like to hand off my child to someone who looks like they actually like him, or children at all. Also, I had my sons teacher pressure me into collecting him three hours early because all the other parents did that (despite his session being 6, not 3 hours long), implying this would happen every day. Lo and behold when I arrived she was hurrying to her car!

My mum works at a primary school too and she says some of the teachers there can’t even read some long words in the passages they are reading out to the class.

There have been wonderful teachers who have worked with my boys but just as many who were negligent, uncaring etc it seems like luck whether they get a good un each year. It’s all fine if your child is confident and happy at nursery but when they suddenly have a problem or have more need for help and attention than the usual child things go down hill fast

What job does your mum do? I’ve never come across a primary school teacher who can’t read! You say you’ve had wonderful teachers working with your boys, but just as many who were negligent. Your ds1 is only 6 and is home schooled, and ds2 is only 4, so how exactly have you come across this huge number of teachers??

@Soontobe60 when I say teachers I mean the nursery teachers?? DS started nursery at 2, my second son at 3. Anyway, my mum is a classroom assistant and yes she has witnessed teachers literally admitting to the class ‘I won’t even try to pronounce that’ and skipping over the longer words.

Tbh you’ve not really answered my question, but seem to be judging me already and picking apart my statements as if I’m lying. Not really helpful:(

I agree with a pp, your eldest clearly needs the one on one time and is thriving at home, if your DS is enjoying nursery why not try him in reception and see how he gets on. Your children are different and have different needs so it's fine to meet them in different ways. There's so many school holidays and the weekend comes round quick enough you'll still be able to supplement their education with family activities and trips.

Thanks for all the replies, I’d really helpful to hear what others think. I guess I’m just the type of person who tries to do everything and be everything, sometimes at the cost of my own well-being. I really struggle with DS1 sometimes and when DS2 is at nursery we get to have some proper time together, which although I wish I could do more with all of them, he seems to need it more. Also, as pointed out above, I won’t feel so bad about giving him some alone time so I can have time with his brother when he gets back .

Thanks

I think a lot of parents thought they could do a better job than their kid's teachers until lockdown....
I'm a teacher but wouldn't attempt to Home Ed my children - I've taught across 3 key stages but not 5! Good luck if that's what you decide. Ps and I can read to my class....

I now home educate one child, previously I home educated four that are thankfully different ages. I'm aware of other families that have had more of a mix from earlier on, it's not that unusual especially with a child with additional education needs who tend find it harder to find an appropriate school place.

I do think it is in some ways harder to only home educate one, there are many education options that really only work with multiple children even if they're at different levels. The some types of discussions, collaborations, some experiments and things just don't work well one-on-one. As with having siblings in general, they can play together and there was something a bit sad when for the first week or so, he would wait for the others to get home by the window or in our front garden.

On the other hand, our days are done much faster because there is only one child's maths to get through, one set of writing to check, one child's reading to talk about and this year has given him more freedom to add to our day as he's not having to be concerned with anyone else's studies. If he wants to do a PE video before doing maths one day and the other way around tomorrow, we can do that - that was harder when balancing all the needs of four of them.

I also wanted to ask if other home ed parents have found themselves feeling biased against school ...just, in general.

When my children were tiny, I had a stronger distrust for some professions due to negative experiences - though my bias was more around good ones get worn to the bone, chewed up and spat out while horrid ones were too often protected from real consequences, compounded by the area I was in, the local primary had a lot of known issues, including an at-the-time recent major safeguarding one and over a decade on, it's still well known for being shite for SEN kids.

I think there are pros and cons to all types of education, including home education, though my mistrust has mellowed or maybe just redistributed - the systems around do cause a lot of burn out and too often create barriers, but those protections for the horrid ones - we can see that in most professions, such just hurt more, and many are trying to improve way to deal with such people.

@BiBabbles thank you. Good to hear someone had a good experience of HE more than one. I found your comment the most interesting as it seems not many people do HE for multiple kids.