The impact of mainstream schooling on DD6

[Xtraincome]

I am feeling pulled towards home ed for my DD6 and contemplating not sending DD4 to the same primary. I am in education myself and can see the struggles in the classroom. The disparity in learning levels due to lack of parental involvement during Covid and in addition to the never ending safeguarding and behaviour issues within a class of 24 makes for a poor learning environment.

My DD6 really only attends school for social aspect, she likes some of the learning but it isn't wide enough for her- she enjoys scope and "deep dives" (hate that phrase but couldn't think of another one lol). The work is not differentiated, the children with extra needs create a terrible learning environment as there are no places available for them in the county at alternative schools- I feel incredibly sorry for these children and their teachers. The county is poor AF and we are in county lines territory. We have NO long term plans in this part of the country anyway. Would put back into mainstream if it was right after we move to a better area. Although I do think most state schools in UK are the same.

I have rewritten this post 5 or 6 times and it is always too long and rambling. I have so much to say and so many problems with our education system I just need to take a breath, and simply ask... have any of you removed your neuro-typical child from mainstream primary, who has had no direct issues at school, to give them a better education at home? If so, how did you approach it with them?

(I say neuro typical just so readers know there are no additional needs which haven't been met within school)

Plenty of people do.
You can get so much more done in the fraction of the time. Most people I know, their kids go to a few clubs a week (gymnastics, scouts, swimming, karate etc), 1 or 2 groups for home educated children plus play dates.
So much time to enjoy the social aspect, meeting a greater variety of people and most children would be too knackered for a few clubs a week if at school too.
Education wise, some people buy a curriculum or workbooks and base around that. What is most popular is twinkl. Tutors if needed further down the line. Really doesn't take long to cover so much. I read that home educated children are on average a year above their peers

My dc have never been to school. Tbh they were never bothered about going so it was quite easy for us in that respect.
The reason we originally decided on home ed was because my ds1 was so far ahead of what was expected for reception age that he would have been bored rigid(from my own knowledge of them). I felt I could provide a much more stimulating environment for him. Now he is 10 and I have 3dc who are all home educated.

Ironically, one of the main reasons I didn't send my first child to school was that I thought it would hamper their social life - too little time to actually play freely at school, and too little choice of playmates. This was a super sociable kid who wanted to play with friends all day long. So I kept them out of school and directed most of my energies to allowing them to do just that.

They did decide to try school in Y5. I thought they'd like the social side of it. But no. They complained that school robbed them of all their free time so they couldn't see their existing friends, that they weren't allowed to chat nonstop in class let alone actually play, and that the kids at school disapproved of playing with children of a different age or gender - or with teddy bears for that matter. So the school experiment only lasted one term.

I am contemplating this. My DD (7) is not happy at school but won’t say why but I know why. Every morning she says she is ill to try and stay off. I kept her off today. Within an hour she was smiling and her usual self.

There is a bully. We’ve talked to the school every year about one bully or another but nothing changes for long.

She was as bright as a button before she started school. We used to take her to all sorts of places to learn and she did. She absolutely thrived then. She has no thirst for learning anymore. Can’t even tell me what she’s learnt at school most days. It’s very sad. I don’t want to do it anymore… but I am scared I’m not up to the job of homeschooling. I’m still going to try though.

@Itsnotallaboutyoubaby, it is very very common for parents to doubt their ability to home educate, but then realise after a little while that it is easier than they thought. One-to-one attention is tremendously helpful. You know your child better than anybody.

You know school isn't working for your daughter just now. Home education can't be any worse than what she's going through at school, where she's under so much stress that she can't learn. Why not try home ed for a fixed amount of time - maybe a year - and regard it as a break from school to let her recover her health and happiness. Then reassess and see how you and she feel about continuing. If home ed doesn't suit, you could look around for another school. But most people do like it and decide to carry on!

I am just thinking it might feel less daunting if you tell yourself it doesn't have to be forever.

Thank you very much @Saracen that’s a really good idea. We can see how we get on. I just panic a bit because I hated “homeschooling” during lockdown… but I recognise it won’t be the same. I think we are going to do it. I think we will let her finish this term (finishes next week) so she can say goodbye etc.

I’ve joined the local homeschooling Facebook groups.

@Xtraincome

Yes I removed my NT children from school for similar reasons.
I too am an ex teacher and had a firsthand insight into what is wrong/inappropriate with our current education system. I’m my opinion it’s rigid, prescriptive, the opposite of creative and since 2014 (the year the government re-jigged the primary curriculum) it has become downright Victorian. Why do 7/8 year olds need to know what a fronted adverbial or an expanded noun phrase is?! I could give endless examples of this but my post would be huge.

My DC were in a so-called outstanding primary and quite frankly that just meant that they drill the children even harder to pass tests. For who? It’s certainly not for the children.

My DC quickly lost their love of learning, their natural curiosity and even now I’m trying to reverse that by unschooling them.

My advice to you is follow your gut. Listen to your own instincts. Deregistering your child/ren from school is scary. It’s still seen as a ‘maverick’ thing to do. And even though home educating is growing in the U.K. constantly, it’s still not the mainstream thing to do. A lot of people will have a lot of opinions but you do what’s right for your children. On a practical note, I’d advise reading some books about home education, joining your local FB page and finding like-minded people. It’s a joy when you find a tribe 😊

@Itsnotallaboutyoubaby

I totally relate to what you say about losing that thirst for learning. School beats it out of them from Year 1 onwards. So so sad.
My post above is for you too. Follow your instincts for your child.

I need to do the same for my DD who is six. In a so called outstanding school. Also a teacher, although secondary.
It is genuinely depressing how poor her school is.
I am just hesitating as I know the impact on me (and her sister) will be huge and I need to make sure I can see it through. It's genuinely awful to know that your kid is day by day losing their interest in learning and coming to view themselves as incompetent when they are anything but....

Just to say although I am completely overwhelmed both of my children were pretending to be ill again this morning so that they didn’t have to go to school. Aged 7 and 5.

Apparently some lessons are far too easy and some are too hard. There doesn’t seem to be a middle ground from what they are saying. They also said they don’t have any friends :(

We talked to them about home schooling and both immediately said they wanted to try it. First genuine smiles and excitement I’ve seen for a while. They were telling us what they want to learn more of (both love history, maths and science). Neither particularly like English but we can work on that.

I’ve kept them off today and probably will tomorrow. They want to go in next week to say goodbye.

So that’s our decision made. Home school from half term. Thank you @AllisoninWunderland you’ve also made my decision easier.

@Slavetominidictator I’m sorry to hear you feel the same. It really helped me to think that we can trial it for a year and if they want they can always go back to formal education… I don’t think they will want to though. We are already thinking about what field trips we can do to nurture them more.

Thanks all!

@Itsnotallaboutyoubaby
Congratulations on making the decision! You’ve done the hardest part.
I know it feels really overwhelming but honestly your DC are so young there’s no pressure to do anything more than have a few adventures & unschool them for a while. Try to get that natural love of learning back in its own sweet time 💕
You are doing an amazing thing for those little souls.
All the best and if you want to ‘talk’ I’m here for you.

@Slavetominidictator
I can so relate to what you’re saying. I think as teachers we have an insight into the true reality of how schools are these days. I think a lot of non-teacher parents think that school is like it was when they were kids.

Ok so I know many realise it’s not when they see their 5 year old with a load of homework or their 7 or 11 year old sitting exams. But in general I don’t think many realise just how punishing school is these days with the relentless drilling and testing. How rigid and prescriptive it is. How there is no space for creativity, just the academics. I cringe now when I see ‘outstanding ofsted’ as I just know it truly means.

I totally know what you mean when you say that school makes children feel worthless and incompetent. A small percentage can cope fine with the relentless focus on academics but what about the children who are creatives, dreamers, inventors, good with their hands, artists, naturalists, engineers, physical, Olympians, botanists, I could go on. Why in this day and age do we still value academic success above all else.

Wow! What a great boost the thread has had.

I am so happy to hear some people are starting their journey to HE soon! @Itsnotallaboutyoubaby what a great positive start to your children's education otherwise!

My pre-school aged DD is now not wanting to go to pre-school so is at home with my mum instead. My eldest DD (the reason I started this thread) is fed up by Wednesday most weeks.

@Saracen my DD loved reading but I can see it wearing thin on her. Intensive phonics lessons with boring books and a need, in Y2, to worry about perfecting non-fiction writing. I do find the huge level disparity within each year difficult too. The gaps are widening and it's becoming very tricky for teachers to close them.

DD6 wants to learn so much more than what's available to her at school. I am going to try and touch base with a HE mum local to me via a friend.

@AllisoninWunderland in my year 5/6 class (I'm a TA) they are doing arithmetic tests every 2 weeks- it's part of what the government are asking for!!!

I taught in an alternative provision before I took a step back from being front of classroom and became a TA. I thought the view would be less worrying- it's worse!

@Xtraincome

I think as a TA you can step back a bit and see the bigger picture. When you’re teaching you’re in the thick of it and it becomes part of your daily normal. You’re under so much pressure to meet the targets you lose a broad view.

It strikes me as cruel now to inflict so much testing on such young children. It’s no wonder so many youngsters are just switching off to it all. It’s dry, boring, relentless, uninspiring and puts them under so much early pressure.

I don’t understand why more head teachers, teachers and parents aren’t speaking up on behalf of these poor children. I could cry for a generation of children losing their childhood 😞

@AllisoninWunderland

Indeed. It's very eye opening at the back of the class with my 1:1. I am gutted for him, as due to trauma, he is forgetting basic mathematical methods- column addition etc and I can see him falling behind massively.

DD has just said, for the 5th time this week, she doesn't want to go to school on Monday. I am pushing through to Half Term.

Hi, I'm in a very similar situation but our problems ate mainly social although dd has complained about the work in the past.

Our issues at the moment are dd being ostracised by other children and in particular her best friend who is not allowing dd to play on their side of the playground. Dd tries to ignore this but they shout at her to go back to the other side if she crosses. We have also had an issue with a boy who kept hitting dd and pushing her.

Numerous teachers and dinner ladies walk past these problems but they largely ignore it! I've started to consider home ed but feel scared to fully take the leap.

Just to give you another perspective, I'm an online tutor and I teach lots of home-educated children. From what I see, they are happy, settled and confident learners. They all have a backstory, whether it be bullying, additional needs not met, anxiety etc - but I haven't yet met a family who've regretted taking the leap.

There are community hubs, workshops, and a wealth of home-edding communities. I have encountered these organisations through the children I'm tutoring, I'm sure they exist in most counties.

My son (Y7 and high-functioning asd) is having such a hard time at his new Secondary school, that I'm quite likely to remove him if things don't improve. I recognise it's easier for me because I'm a qualified teacher, but there are mountains of resources online to help those with less experience.

I felt quite moved reading this thread and just wanted to wish you all good luck really.

@ShepherdMoons
I’m so sorry to hear your DC is having a hard time at school. It haunts you as a parent.

School is so traumatic for some children. 😡

My advice is to do a bit of research about groups local to you. Join your local FB group and see what/who is local to you.
But most of all, follow your instincts x

@SqueakyPeaks
What a nice positive point of view of home Ed 😊
I’m also sorry to hear your son is having a hard time. Where have we gone so wrong with our education system??

I have one in Y7 now who is still enjoying things like Forest school and outdoor learning as well as doing a bit of formal learning. He hears about some of his friends doing 100 minute lessons x 4 every day and we shudder. What child can sit still or concentrate for those lengths of time?! I know I couldn’t.

@Itsnotallaboutyoubaby just wanted to chime back into the thread to see how your Home Ed journey has gone? Merry Christmas all x