Home Schooling

[Tinkerbelle1971]

Hi due to high anxiety and other things I’m thinking to go down the home schooling method for my 13 year old son. I am a single mum of two boys and not working at the moment. My kids are my world snd I will try anything to make life easier for them. Any help or advice would be much appreciated and Thankyou in advance

What's your education level?
What are your son's interests and aspirations? Is there actually enough overlap that you can meet his needs?

What has been tried by way of counselling/therapy for your son?

I am not sure that making life easy for your sons is the most loving thing a good mum can do. Life isn't easy or fair, it is challenging hard work and frequently unpleasant but regularly studded with moment of joy that make it all worthwhile. A 13yo is only 5 years off legal adulthood. Anxiety and other MH issues make it tough I know but giving the easy path out, to escape from the challenges rather than facing them, isn't necessarily the right path.

@KihoBebiluPute I don't get the impression you have much experience of home education. Parents of all education levels can make a good job of educating their children. Perhaps you are picturing parent and child sitting at the kitchen table with the parent teaching the child, like a mini-school. It rarely looks like that.

It isn't necessary to exhaust all other avenues before choosing home education. It doesn't have to be a last resort. Learning should not be "frequently unpleasant"; if it is, it isn't the right approach for the child. If he is feeling unhappy and overwhelmed then he will not be learning very effectively.

Those moments of joy to which you refer are more frequent when the child has some control over what, when, and how he learns, and when his environment suits him. If you hated your job and it caused you great stress, wouldn't you look for one which was a better fit?

@Tinkerbelle1971 now is a very good time to try home ed and see how you get on. Here's why I say that.

Though GCSEs are not required, most home ed teens do choose to sit a handful of them, as that is usually the best way to get access to the next level of education. Doing GCSEs or IGCSEs outside school gives great flexibility - your child can do whichever subjects suit them, any number of subjects, and at any age. For example, home ed kids often spread them out by sitting a few at a time in order to concentrate and reduce the stress of juggling many subjects all at once. If your child is bright and keen, they can start at an earlier age. If your child isn't quite ready, they can delay.

However, arranging exams is quite tricky. There is a lot for the parent to learn about the different syllabi, exam centres, and options for how to learn the material. Many HE parents report that the years during which their kids are preparing for exams are harder work and less pleasant than the years before and after. Better than if the child were at school, perhaps, but still hard.

For this reason, starting home ed with a 15yo or 16yo is a steep learning curve - in at the deep end without time to relax and settle in. It's also more of a commitment than starting home ed at any other age, because if home ed didn't work out, the child can't slot back into school very easily, having missed a critical bit of the inflexible school-based GCSE exam preparation.

By contrast, if you start now, you and your son can take your time, let him have time to recover from his difficult school experiences, discover how and what he wants to learn, and adapt to this new way of learning. If home ed doesn't suit your family, your son could return to school in good time to start on his GCSEs. If it does suit, he can experiment with different approaches to learning. You and he can figure out what he needs. You can gradually get yourself up to speed on what will eventually become your Mastermind specialist subject: arranging home ed exams.

So I would say if you think home education might be a good option for your son, take the plunge sooner rather than later. Try it and see whether it works. Every week you delay is another week he is in a stressful environment. You can figure out the details as you go along; you do not have to have a detailed plan and stick to it. The worst case scenario is that home ed doesn't work out for him and he goes back to school, but at least you tried and ruled out an alternative. What do you have to lose?

KihoBebiluPute

Have you got any actual experience of home education or are you just spouting the same uninformed crap that people usually do

I haven't made any comments about home education whatsoever yet. I have merely asked the op some questions because there's insufficient info in the op to have any idea whether home ed would be a good solution in this case. Depending on the OP's situation and the child's aspirations it might or might not work out well. I haven't criticised home ed at all or even expressed an opinion about how the op might proceed. I have been getting vitriol for pointing out that life isn't supposed to be easy or fair. This isn't something that should be news to a 13 year old or their parent, and isn't something that a parent can protect their child from experiencing in their lifetime by choosing home ed.

If your child is experiencing anxiety in a school setting, that's a perfectly valid reason to pull them out.

As an adult I don't do things that make me continually anxious or uncomfortable. I wouldn't stay in a work environment that did that. I don't want to teach my child that he has to just put up and shut up - that is an argument that always pops up regarding home education and I think it's a massively fucked up one.

I didn't like school aged 5 because of the noise, being around large groups of others 24/7 and having to sit still for hours on end. I still don't like those things aged 32 and wouldn't choose a job that involved them, so 13 years of being at school didn't teach me how to get on with it, did it.

When the first question somebody asks is about the parents educational level you know they don’t have much experience of home education.

OP my advice would be to join home ed Facebook groups, both the national ones and your local one. Find out what there is on offer in your local area for your dc both socially and exam centres etc if you want your dc to take GCSEs.

Hi,

I have just taken my 12 year old son out of school due to anxiety and it was the right decision for everyone, including myself and the school. The secondary school and pastoral care have been amazing, however, they have a long referral processes to mental heath and education psychology through no fault of their own. Lack of funding in mental health makes access almost impossible and without this help in place my child has had no education on the days he did manage to go, as he couldn't join in classes.
Since leaving he has thrived and both the school and local authority have been so supportive of our decision. Whether or not you follow the curriculum is personal choice but the flexibility to educate your child and tailor their learning to them is a really rewarding process. I would look at your local authorities guide to elective home education which sorts the fact from myth and go from there! Also, the school we left and local authority has told us my son can go back and sit his GCSE'S there when the time comes!

Reading through some of the comments please be assured your level of education is not a factor in home educating your son! I have a degree and am learning new things everyday that I have never encountered before! Its an exciting journey for both of us! Sadly, mental health issues are still massively misunderstood and putting your child's health first is in no way allowing them to take the easy path out or avoid lives challenges! Health, whether physical or mental, is so important to enable our children to grow and flourish in the world and as a parent with a duty of care, do what feels right for your situation!

Op, if you want views from people who actually know what they are talking about, join a home education group on Facebook. There is less criticism and more support and actual advice also. Try the home education uk group. Some people here have helpful answers here but the negative ones are really off putting. Some things become a non issue once you are actually home educating. Also type into Facebook ‘home education (your local area)’. And you’ll find a group for your area with real parents you can attend meet-ups and see what home educating families actually do. I am HE-ing my son.