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Home ed

Find advice from other parents on our Homeschool forum. You may also find our round up of the best online learning resources useful.

What made you choose home ed?

28 replies

Theywereonabreak · 06/08/2021 20:33

I'm really curious :) I have a nearly 1yo and although it's a while away, I've always thought about home ed but I actually don't know much about it. I come from a family of teachers and always hear that home educated children's social skills suffer (not that I believe this to be true). Just want to know why people choose it and how they get into it. Thanks

OP posts:
emsie12345 · 07/08/2021 02:06

My parents and dh were teachers and disenfranchised with the system to the point of retraining in other fields. I have a 4 year old due to sart reception in September and a 1 year old. Currently I am the SAHP. We are going with the flow, if it doesn't work, we/I will homeschool. There is lots of support locally here (north east England). Remember it's your choice

itsstillgood · 07/08/2021 17:00

I don't believe the national curriculum is for purpose, certainly not at primary level. I went to university to train as a teacher. I remember doing these lectures on how children learn and then lectures in the NC and thinking - err...
I dropped out at 20. 7 years later when my eldest reached school age he didn't go - he chose to go the seniors. I now have one year left with my youngest - he's 15 and 4 GCSEs down. He never had any desire to go to school.
Not always been easy been easy, but parenting isn't and home ed is a natural extension of that. Never regretted it though been an amazing experience.

AllisoninWunderland · 19/08/2021 09:26

Teacher here too. Left to home Ed my 3 DC.

I too was disenfranchised by the education system as it is now. My eldest had started school but had lost her love of learning fast. She’d gone from having a curious, bright mind to being jaded by tests and the academic nature of everything at age 5/6!

I too was seeing the pressures the ‘new’ curriculum was putting on children in my school. I was hating having to ‘teach to the test’ essentially. Most of the creativity has been forced out in 2014 for an almost Victorian style curriculum again.

I didn’t want my DC to be basically a statistic. A dot on a graph. I wanted them to have a love of learning. To be able to follow their own interests and pursue their passions without all the pressures the system puts on children today. School isn’t like when I attended. Especially primary.

In terms of socialisation, my dc are very busy interacting with children and adults of all ages most days of the week. We go to lots of groups and activities as well as play dates. They have a wide range of friends and aren’t ‘stuck’ with the same 29 other children every day for 7 years. They have close friendships as well as plenty of acquaintances.

Call me an old hippy but I also wanted my children to be outdoors in nature a lot rather than sat indoors all day. I feel that as humans we’ve become so disconnected from nature. We’ve become so ‘domesticated’ that we are so far removed from our true selves. My Dc learn lots outdoors, practical skills like shelter building, whittling, fire starting, conservation, climbing as well as identifying flora and fauna. They also learn woodworking skills alongside cooking and art. They learn geography skills outdoors in situ. They still learn things like maths and can read and write very well too.

I could write so much more on our reasons for home educating. I could probably write a book! I’ll stop now though. Hope this helps!

AllisoninWunderland · 19/08/2021 09:27

@Theywereonabreak
I meant to tag you so you could see my post.

Upamountain43 · 20/08/2021 14:40

Because it is just better in every way - children have better social skills, their learning is individually tailored to their level and interests, no restrictions on times/holidays etc.

I do not care what schools are like as we would HE as first choice every time

Bythemillpond · 20/08/2021 14:54

Ds was at breaking point in school.

He couldn’t read or write. No one was helping him or me to access testing for dyslexia, dysgraphia and ADHD.
But he still had to write sentences for homework and if he didn’t he would stay in all break times all week till he did.
I would be called in to tell me he was being defiant as he refused to write anything

I told the teacher more than once that he couldn’t write anything as he couldn’t even read yet but the answer I got was that didn’t matter. It was the curriculum and he had to do the homework.

In the end I took him out of school altogether.

Theywereonabreak · 20/08/2021 16:01

@Bythemillpond I'm so sorry school gave you and your son such a tough time. How is he getting on now?

OP posts:
Tallpaulwho · 20/08/2021 16:05

Not by choice, was forced into it by an unacceptable school situation. DC with autism could not cope in a mainstream school, and did not qualify for a special school. I have met many other parents in the same situation. I was left with no other option, it has turned out well as my DCs mental health is much improved. Home edding is definitely not for everyone though.

Bythemillpond · 20/08/2021 16:27

Theywereonabreak

He is an adult now and awaiting his ADHD assessment. At last.

If he does get diagnosed with ADHD (he is most definitely ADHD, like me and his sister) I will be happy we can get medication to help him but incredibly sad that he has lost so many life changing opportunities when he was a child and the thing that he was interested in doing for a career that he would have been a perfect fit for has passed him by

DysmalRadius · 20/08/2021 16:32

always hear that home educated children's social skills suffer (not that I believe this to be true).

Is a common criticism, but I've never heard a home edder say that - it seems to be something people throw out as a way to dismiss the whole concept without engaging critically with what they are actually saying! I don't know any home ed kids that are bullied or feel left out or worry about 'keeping up' with people at school. The kind of socialising home ed kids do is usually much broader and more natural for a start.

Bythemillpond · 20/08/2021 16:35

Theywereonabreak

Should add I did manage to get him a CAHMS appointment for an ADHD test.
When we got to the appointment we had to wait downstairs until our appointment was called then take the lift up a floor where someone would be waiting.
We got in the lift and went up to the floor and as the lift door opened the person who was supposed to be doing the assessment just said “Well he hasn’t got ADHD”
I should have pushed the lift button to return to the ground floor but I was in shock.
We had about a 20 minute assessment which involved taking a few details and asking a few questions whilst Ds sat jiggling on the chair by the side of me and I think she felt she couldn’t go back on her snap assessment and then we left.

Bythemillpond · 20/08/2021 16:51

The only issue I had with HE was the group we were near we just didn’t gel with anyone. Actually got thrown out of the group after about 3 meet ups. Won’t go into too much detail
We did meet other groups when we had a day out in London. I ended up talking to a group from a different area (sadly miles away) and really hit it off. When Ds came out of the activity he was talking to the children from this group too.

AllisoninWunderland · 20/08/2021 18:50

@Bythemillpond

I’m so sorry to bear your son had such a tough time in school and with cahms.

I wonder often when people will wake up to how unsuitable the current system is for many many children.

@Theywereonabreak

Have you had any more thoughts on home educating your DC?

Theywereonabreak · 20/08/2021 20:53

@AllisoninWunderland I am definitely beginning to look into it more and ideally I'd love to for the reasons so many have outlined above. My main concern is my own teaching ability and if I'd be good enough to teach DS. I'm a medical professional so academically I was a high achiever, but I'm also dyslexic so it took a lot of hard work and self-teaching to match my peers and I worry I won't be able to teach DS effectively like professional teachers.

OP posts:
AllisoninWunderland · 21/08/2021 09:51

@Theywereonabreak
I can understand your concerns. All home educating parents have them trust me!

All I can say is think of your role less as a teacher and more as a facilitator of learning.
Although it helps to understand certain concepts, you partly learn alongside your child and you partly set up the circumstances so that they can learn themselves. It’s difficult for me to give examples here in a soundbite but for me I don’t see my role as teacher and theirs as pupil in the traditional school sense.

I help them with their learning as opposed to me imparting knowledge to them.

Of course there are situations when I have to sit down and explain something (as an example how to do long multiplication) but the internet is your friend here. As well as books and study guides.

I hope this makes sense.

ALittleBitofVitriol · 21/08/2021 10:12

We chose it after looking into it, fell in love with the idea of HS really, and decided it was worth a go.

My kids have never been to a school, well, until my oldest started a couple of uni subjects.

The socialisation thing is mostly a myth, but it definitely needs more active and deliberate organising. The hs kids I know mostly make friends at activities (sports etc), religious/community groups or homeschool specific groups. We haven't had much trouble but you do have to go out of your way to find your tribe iykwim, rather than a ready made social group through the classroom. This fact has pros and cons lol. I always recommend new homeschoolers get their group socialisation going when the kids are young, as when they get older they get a) busier and b) more independent with social stuff.

Feeling nervous about being good enough as a hs teacher is very normal and positive - you should feel the weight of the responsibility, it isn't something to be taken lightly. However it certainly isn't insurmountable for a dedicated and resourceful parent. There are many wonderful resources and helpful communities (irl and online) to help you.

Home-schooling has probably been one of the best decisions we've ever made. Hard going, yes, definitely not for everyone, but so wonderful.

BiBabbles · 21/08/2021 16:02

I've been home educating for over a decade now and there were a lot of factors involved in it that have changed over time, but when we started it was mainly that it had been option my spouse and I were aware of & had considered purely because we had issues while in school & my oldest has SEN that were apparent then and had already experienced issues with adults because of it.

We had a few issues at playgroups and similar that left me uncomfortable sending my child to school when he wasn't able to clearly communicate for himself. I know there are a lot of jokes about how kids answer 'what did you do at school today' in some funny ways, but having a child who literally couldn't answer that question, and had already experienced adults putting him and those like him to one side because of his communication skill problems just left me feeling that I couldn't do that to him, not for 6 hours a day for weeks at a time. I think it would have harmed him and that he needed that one-on-one/two education to develop the communication skills he has now.

By the time my second was old enough to go to school, home educating was just our lifestyle. I didn't think to do any different until my oldest was in Y9, weighing up his options for KS4 and we were butting heads a lot especially for English because he struggled so much and maths because he was so good at it, much better than me (having someone else do most of the academics with him from 15 on helped our relationship a lot). He looked at different options, we did that with him, toured a couple places, and through that my second child who was Y7 at the time was very sure and discussed with me how she didn't like any of those, we talked through what she wanted and by chance there was a new school locally that specialized in what she wanted more of and she chose to take the chance of doing an in-year transfer.

With my younger children, I discuss it as in primary, we home educate because we adults choose it. At secondary, they get to be involved in the choice, but we still do some 'afterschooling' / holiday education in areas I know aren't going to be covered as well as their father or I like as we have different priorities to any school systems. It's mostly practical and life topics, but also some humanities work - it's still part of our lifestyle as a family: my now about to be Y12 oldest got the Calling Bullshit book once it came out in paperback earlier this month and we're going to go through it and the syllabus the authors put up together alongside his college coursework this autumn & when I showed him the book was arrived, he was excited (though to be fair, not as excited as he was when we were discussing him never having to do Chemistry equations again after getting his results - science iGCSEs were rough doing as an external student).

As for social life, yes it's more difficult, as a pp said, you have to put in more active work, isolation is an issue particularly for older kids that you have to keep an eye out for, we basically have to build in the consistency into our lives. I have seen home educated kids with terrible social skills, but I've also seen school educated kids with similar social skill issues sometimes for similar reasons either in their home life and/or, to a lesser extent, SEN. I've left HE groups because of behaviour issues - bullying does happen in HE groups, sometimes by the adults - and while HE might amplify certain parenting issues like the ones who won't tell their kids no (though I think at teen years that levels out with school ones), I don't think it's an issue with home education, it's finding the right social environments and ways of building those skills for your child specifically. It takes more work than is typical for schools, but you could end up with a school situation and needing to deal with that too. No guarantees on it either way.

Theywereonabreak · 22/08/2021 14:52

Hi all. Thanks so much for your replies, they've been a wealth of knowledge! I have a question- what did you do when your kids were much younger i.e. of nursery age? What did you do to keep them busy and continue developing? Sorry I know it's a vague question but I'm just wondering what I should be doing for my soon to be toddler. I'm not keen on sending them to a nursery so young (if at all). If it's any use, my 1yo LO is more of an explorer and doesn't have as much interest in toys as other kids- very very active and constantly on the move. Doesn't like sitting in one place for long and generally enjoys being outdoors but free to roam rather than in a stroller.

OP posts:
intheclouds11 · 23/08/2021 16:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

DysmalRadius · 23/08/2021 23:32

@intheclouds11

You haven't said what you are collecting the data for? It's a bit odd to ask people to participate in research without even sharing the purpose or intended use.

ALittleBitofVitriol · 24/08/2021 05:15

@Theywereonabreak
We never did nursery either. Part of hs is just doing life together. Have your little one with you when you do what you need to do, he can help/watch you cook, get him a little broom etc. You might be interested in some Montessori ideas.

Otherwise - read a lot to him. Go outside every day, go for walks. Listen to music. Sing and play. Don't feel the need to start academics too early, there really is plenty of time.

You might start to look at homeschool communities near you. There may well be families with similar aged kids, younger siblings etc.

Fucshiaflipflops · 24/08/2021 06:37

I’m glad I’ve seen this thread! I’m struggling with a decision, I’ve posted recently about my 4 year old suddenly refusing to go nursery and now school in September. I feel it’s more than just nerves on her part. I was thinking about deferring as thought she’s not ready.
Sadly I haven’t got much feedback from the nursery all very basic and generic.

I have been thinking about deferring but last few days I’ve been looking into Home Education and feel maybe this is path.

We do so much at home together in terms writing and numbers. We do experiments etc...

Like others have mentioned on here, their children love exploring and curious about learning at HE can develop that. I worry that at school in a class of 30 children my daughter will sit back and observe. I recently found out that this has been happening at nursery even though I know my daughter is so creative at home, and keen to do and explore/experiment with things and find out answers.

My daughter has recently been saying she hasn’t enjoyed her time at nursery, says she’s bored. I know nurseries are very busy and a lot going on. But now do feel my daughter will learn a lot more through home education. She use to be so inquisitive about everything and anything but now she worries about nursery/school. It’s heartbreaking to watch.

We have a small group of friends and go to groups, but I don’t know anyone who home educates their child. I’m a SAHM, my background was in nursing. I worry if I would be good enough tbh. I’ve noticed a lot of posters on here coming from a teaching background.

I will keep following this thread as I feel this may be path for us to take.

AllisoninWunderland · 24/08/2021 08:32

@Fucshiaflipflops

Hi, I understand your worries. They’re all totally normal. Even though I do come from teaching, the majority of the home Ed parents I know locally to me don’t. It really is not necessary. In fact I was only saying to a friend yesterday that in a way it is a hindrance as I’ve sort of had to unlearn bad habits and ‘unschool’ myself.

If I were you I’d start to research local home Ed groups and join the local Facebook group. It’s the single best way to find a tribe and what is going on near you.

At 4 your child is still very young and you can just keep on doing what you already do. Read together, sing, learn some basic numbers, shapes letters, get her involved in day to life such as food prep, gardening etc. Learn about the world around you.

What struck me most from your post was that you’ve sort of answered your own question 😊

Fucshiaflipflops · 27/08/2021 06:17

@AllisoninWunderland
Thank you, your post has been very helpful. I’m contacting the Council today.

AllisoninWunderland · 27/08/2021 16:28

@Fucshiaflipflops
You’re very welcome. How exciting! Once you’ve made the decision you won’t look back. Enjoy your journey. I’ve learnt you have to be brave, don’t be afraid to do things ‘non-mainstream’, listen carefully to your own gut/intuition and trust that your child will be ok and ‘arrive’ where she is supposed to be eventually. Childhood is not a race but an adventure 💕