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Home ed

Find advice from other parents on our Homeschool forum. You may also find our round up of the best online learning resources useful.

Go back to school?

7 replies

mummy1800 · 28/05/2021 01:06

Hi I would love some friendly advice.
My children have been home educated since last March and we all really enjoy it. They’re only 4 and 6 so the academic side of things is really easy to fit into our days. I just worry about as they grow older and will need to spend more time on academics- wouldn’t they find it more fun doing that in school, with their friends? I also wonder if they would prefer to be away from their parents more as they grow older. At the moment they always have a parent present when playing with friends-would it be better for them to socialise independently from us?
I have secured school places for them to start after half term which is only a week away. We are thinking about using this half term at school as a trial and then decide whether or not to return to Home Ed.
I feel upset about the thought of them going to school as they are so happy and confident in their current situation. On the other hand they might like daily contact with their peers, as at the moment they don’t see their social groups every day and there aren’t many Home Ed children in our area.
My children are adamant that they don’t want to go to school and my husband loves Home Ed. I’m so torn in both directions and we need to make a decision soon- any advice will be appreciated!

OP posts:
itsstillgood · 28/05/2021 04:56

If home ed is right for now stick with it. Schools won't vanish.
We home educated from the start. The plan was HE until 7 and the reassess annually with the kids input. Eldest chose to go to school at 10. Then did final lot of GCSEs at home. Youngest is 15 and has always been HEed. As he's got older he's attended plenty of groups/classes without me and often gone to friends houses. As a teenager he does what teenagers do and gets the bus to meet friends.

Saracen · 28/05/2021 15:10

Don't anticipate problems which don't yet exist. You, your kids and their dad all prefer home ed right now. Keep doing it as long as it works.

You are quite right that they might prefer school some day. I know a number of kids who have chosen to go to school after being home ed. Some do prefer school and stay there, while others try it and decide that they want to return to home ed after all. But even if yours will one day want to go to school, why jump the gun and send them now if they don't want to go now?

Saracen · 28/05/2021 15:20

The problems which you anticipate may never materialise. If they do, it may be possible to meet them while continuing to home ed. For instance, kids who like to learn alongside other kids may join tutor-led study groups, which are especially common at GCSE stage but fairly popular for preteens too.

My eldest enjoyed plenty of independence from parents starting from about age eight. We didn't need school for that! They used to take the bus on their own to go shopping or to the library, go to friends' houses, go on PGL-type kids' holidays, and meet up with pals in the park. They went to school briefly, where they found their independence rather thwarted - not allowed to leave the premises during the day, perpetually supervised, no chance to get away from people who annoyed them, lots of rules about how the play equipment was to be used. The school even tried to tell me that my ten year old wasn't allowed to walk to and from school unaccompanied! Some children need all those extra protections (my younger one did), but my eldest found it all stifling. I don't feel school promotes independence at all.

Cross these bridges when you come to them. School may or may not be the solution to future problems, but as itsstillgood says, school will always be there if you need it.

JohnnyEnglish · 28/05/2021 15:54

I think it depends 1. what your view is of the purpose of education and 2. if you are confident you can meet your those purposes through HE.

My DC are at school and some of the key benefits I think would be harder (not necessarily impossible) to recreate at home are:

  1. A broad range of interactions with different adults and children which teaches negotiation, compromise, social skills, how to deal with perspectives different to theirs etc.
  2. Team work
  3. Competition
  4. Independence

I would also consider resources and whether you can provide a sufficiently broad curriculum. My DC are taught a huge variety of sports many of which I didn’t have the opportunity to play as a child so couldn’t teach at home. There are a range of languages available at school, again I couldn’t recreate this at home. Drama, choir, orchestra all limited at home but could be achieved with local groups. Also your teaching skills and general knowledge. For example I’m of the generation when grammar wasn’t considered important. To assist with my DC1’s English homework this week I had to look up and learn the differences in use of dashes, colons and semi-colons. I have post graduate qualifications so am fairly educated and wouldn’t feel confident I could create a sufficiently broad curriculum. Of course you can access tutors, groups, etc but that’s a lot of work and time commitment.

The other key area for me would be family finances now and in the future. Do you or your DH work? How would you devote sufficient time to HE? What if you changed jobs to more demanding roles?

Those would be my key considerations when making such a decision. I also think it would be hard for a child not used to school to suddenly join a school part way through when friendship groups have already been formed. Again, children do but my personal view is this would be harder as DC grow up.

mummy1800 · 28/05/2021 17:47

Thank you so much for your comments, everyone. I agree that I’m worrying about future problems that might not happen! I’m a qualified teacher and I run a tuition company with my husband, so we can give them a wide breadth of academic education and we have the flexibility to do it. We’re going to employ a tutor as well as I think they will enjoy learning with a different adult, plus it will give me a bit of free time! I’m hoping the social side of things will fall into place a bit more as we move out of lockdown.

OP posts:
itsgettingwierd · 28/05/2021 17:50

I think you have a great attitude towards it.

See how it goes.

I love the fact you are considering what your children may want and will make a decision based on their experience and what they decide.

There's no right or wrong. Both options have merits and both also can have drawbacks.

Good luck Thanks

Saracen · 30/05/2021 00:26

JohnnyEnglish
"My DC are at school and some of the key benefits I think would be harder (not necessarily impossible) to recreate at home are:

  1. A broad range of interactions with different adults and children which teaches negotiation, compromise, social skills, how to deal with perspectives different to theirs etc.
  2. Team work
  3. Competition
  4. Independence"

IME all of those skills tend to be easier to acquire OUTSIDE the school system than within it. In principle, schools could work successfully on instilling them. But in practice, they are not high priorities and get pushed out in favour of other aims.

Just to discuss the first of your four points, I doubt most teachers have time to allow negotiation and compromise to happen in the classroom as they might do in more relaxed informal settings. Teachers' agenda is to get the children settled and learning the curriculum with a minimum of disruption and delay, not to assist several of them to thoroughly resolve their dispute about who gets to sit in the favourite chair or wait 20 minutes while they sort it out for themselves.

At school, kids don't typically interact much with children who are younger or older, interactions which I think are tremendously valuable. The adults with whom they come into contact are usually there not to socialise with them or do business with them but to teach them, meaning there is quite a power imbalance and they don't practice a range of social skills.

It's useful for kids (especially through their teens) to feel that in some situations adults are their peers. This is how they learn to participate in adult society. At the evening chess club I go to, sometimes I teach children. But other children who are stronger players than I are kind enough to give ME advice on my game, which they learn to do in a supportive and tactful way. My teenager used to teach martial arts to adults, and worked in part-time jobs alongside adults.

My 15yo had a valuable experience at a ladies' choir, working to reform the dress code. All singers were required to wear heels unless they had a doctors' note exempting them. My teen pointed out that requiring a doctors' note was demeaning to the (usually elderly) people who felt unsteady on their feet climbing up and down the risers and that the policy prioritised traditional appearance over their health and safety. Some of these singers had complained in private about the dress code but hadn't felt able to challenge it. It was a prolonged negotiation requiring considerable diplomacy, persistence and assertiveness. This sort of transition into adult life is hard to replicate in schools, where the creation and enforcement of rules is the exclusive preserve of adults, while kids must simply obey.

Developing a good range of real-world skills is easier to do out IN the wider world than in a school which necessarily limits kids' exposure to all these real-world experiences.

So I agree with you about the importance of those skills, but I reach the opposite conclusion: they are a benefit of home education rather than of school.

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