Humming and Ha-ing about HE, can anyone help please?

[FlightAttendant]

I've realised that when I was coming out of my teenage years, I basically built my entire adult mindset on the basis that school is wrong, school is awful I will never send my children to school...

Ok, so I hated it, but now after a lot of soul searching, and problems with preschool (Ds not wanting to go but eventually settling)Ds1 is in reception, and to a degree, loving it. He is different to me. He has confidence, a natural affinity with other children - especially older ones - and is pretty bolshy. (I was 'good' and very shy and also insecurely attached to my mother - so school was hell from the outset, and got worse and worse till I dropped out at (just)18, a few months short of my a-levels. I was very depressed and could not stand another second.

I think Ds gets an awful lot from integrating with the other kids - I see him take off and play with them as soon as we arrive, and it makes me very happy - but the school regime/teachers are another matter.

They do exciting things which is great, he gets the stimulus he needs, while I potter about with my 4 month old at home (so he'd possibly be bored here, as well as lonely) but seeing him falling prey to all the beaurocracy, rules, conformism and basic exhaustion that school inflicts on these tiny kids, makes me wonder if it is all worth it, for him especially? He hates the regime is what I mean, and is currently ill, knackered and getting emotional when #I leave him there - he didn't mind doing half days but F/T is too much.
I just don't know which way to turn.

I feel that a half day now and then wouldn't make enough difference, but to remove him for another year, or take him out entirely, would feel like denying him the social life he has there.

I know I will likely take him out by secondary level as I think schools from 11 up, are pretty evil places often - but does that depend on the child's effectiveness at dealing with it, their self esteem etc - Oh I'm rambling.

Please any thoughts

FlightAttendant,
Where abouts in the country are you?
Have you visited www.education-otherwise
I think firstly you need to talk to and meet HE rs in your area, (I have found them to be the friendliest bunch of people I've ever met) this way you will see that 'denying him the social life' will not be a problem. On the contrary I have found.
It would also reassure you to read John Holt's- "How Children Learn" and "How children Fail" and John Taylor Gatto's- "Dumbing Us Down".
I HE two dds 4 and 8 and I'm in SE London.
There are also lots of HE Yahoo and Google forums where you can get lots of advice and support.
HTH any more advice needed please ask, I understand how torn you feel.

Oh thanks Runnerbean, that's really helpful stuff
I have heard that saying about 'If we feel he's missing out on the social aspects of school, we just every now and then steal his lunch and flush his head down the loo' which I thought was brilliant, but actually most of the little kids at school seem great - well, they are only 5 and it's early days. And that's just what I see...

I am friends with one HE-er who has a 14 year old boy, they are wonderful, very inventive, rather alternative - meaning, I'm impressed with the input the parent gives, and unsure of my own comparable ability iyswim.
I will check out the website, thanks so much for your help!

Oh btw we're in East Kent. Not an awful lot of HE'ers around here, or so I am told?

have you thought about flexi schooling? thats what we do, to begin with we home educated, but i felt that the balance wasnt right and we found a school that would let the boys go part time

at the moment they go two or three days a week, all last year ds2 went half days, this year he is now in yr 1 (only just 5 tho, summer baby)he does full days but only 3 days a week, or sometimes two if he is tired etc.

its a perfectly legal option, but you will need the headteachers backing.

the LEA have been fine with it, the school still gets full funding for the child so they are happy, if they are worried about their attendence they can mark them on the register as attending, but it counts as "educated off premesis" rather like a school trip.

the education otherwise website should have some info, also type flexi school or part time schooling into google and you should get some links

its not something that is well known, but it can work very well good luck

FA,
If you go to www.ukhome-educators.co.uk it may be of some help.
The lady who runs this site, and also has a yahoo forum, is very helpful. I know there are regular meet-ups around the medway area and there is also a group in Herne Bay.

3madboys - I am considering HE too. DS1 is just 4 and goes to nursery at the primary school I was hoping he'd get into. He mostly seems to enjoy it and just got a glowing report from his teacher about how well he's adjusted, but DS1 also says 'why do I have to go every day?'. The more I look at HE the more I like loads about it, but it seems such a big step not to start him in proper school. I keep thinking 'what if I need to work financially in the future, then he'll really have to go to school' and also there is obviously lots about school type experience he does enjoy. Part time schooling sounds great, but I had no idea was a possibility in the state system. So wonder if you'd mind answering a few questions: wasn't it really hard to find a school that would agree to it? are you worried that your boys are treated differently by their classmates because they aren't there all the time? do they adjust ok between the different ways of learning?
thanks

i had to ask around a few schools before i found one that would do flexi schooling, the 'beacon schools' ie the two best schools in my area wouldnt even consider it but i have found two other local schools that do.

we chose the one we did because at the time we were looking to buy a house and we could also afford to buy one near the school, you could kick a football from our house to the school

so it can be tricky, you will need to speak to the headteacher of the schools as it is their decision to make, incidentally a lot of teachers and headteachers dont even know that it is a legal option, so you need to be prepared, facts, legalities etc. the best thing to do is ring round schools and ask for an appointment with the headteacher or for the head to ring you back.

with respect to the boys, no they arent treated any differently, they have lots of friends, go to parties etc, i would say be prepared for lots of questions from other parents and children who want to know why your kid is only their part time, but once we explained what we were doing people were fine with it, and most of the kids think its 'cool' and two other families have started doing similar

with regards to learning styles i have a good and close relationship with their teachers so i can make sure that what we are doing at home goes well with what they are doing in school, ie ds1 is doing a rainforest project at school so he has been working on that at home as well.

tbh most of the time the boys are actually ahead in most subjects, particularly literacy, history and maths, they love reading etc so a lot of the stuff they do at home isnt that structured i will let them get on with reading etc. bu tthey adapt well to school and dont seem bothered at the difference at all i do think it is important to have a close relationship with the school however, you all need to be informed and on the same page for it to work iyswim?

Thanks so much for that. Really interesting. I can imagine that the nearest school, which is really sought after, would refuse to do it, but there is another school which doesn't seem to be over-subscribed and shares a space with a Steiner school that might consider it.