How friendly is/are your local home ed groups?

[Marrowfatpea]

Just that really. Seen a few threads here where people have mentioned them not being very friendly, and/or issues of bullying/cliqueyness. This is definitely the case in my local scene, there are a couple of groups (the more Christian ones, though I'm not religious) that are welcoming, but the more alternative/unschooling ones are rife with cliques. Often I'd go to meets and no-one would speak to me at all bar absolute minimum conversation ending civil replies to direct questions.

As with any groups in life, there will be well-established groups where they've got all the friends they need and aren't looking to include more people and groups where people go to meet new friends. Just keep trying. I've found the same with Christian groups being welcoming even though we aren't Christian. We drive a fair distance to get to a really friendly group and it is mainly Christians.

It varies hugely. There are loads and loads of groups here and all have their own character.

I know that some people have felt unwanted because they arrived at a big busy group and no one noticed they were new; everyone was chatting in little bunches with their friends and didn't go out of their way to welcome the newcomers. For social butterflies this isn't an issue because they walk up to people and introduce themselves but those who are feeling more nervous can struggle.

Being overlooked isn't a problem at smaller groups, but rejection there can be more hurtful if you KNOW you haven't been overlooked. We do have a challenge at some of the small groups I go to, that one or two of the kids who have autism may feel alarmed and threatened by the presence of new people and their response comes across as very unwelcoming. Parents try to explain to the new parents and children (if they aren't too busy trying to calm their worried child) but it is still tricky.

I don't think I've ever seen a newcomer who was trying to make conversation being rebuffed, but we do have very awkward moments if the newcomer is clearly coming from a different place compared with the others in that group. Home educators vary quite a lot! For example, I can remember incidents such as these, when I wanted the ground to swallow all of us up because we said thoughtless things:

People saying very negative things about teachers, only to discover that the newcomer is a teacher
People making it clear that certain behaviour is required at the group, only to learn that the newcomer has special needs which make conforming impossible
People going on and on about autonomous education being the whole point of home ed, only to learn that the newcomer follows a very prescriptive curriculum
People urging a newcomer to try out particular tutors and expensive activities when the newcomer is on a MUCH tighter budget than themselves

To the newcomer who is the victim of such gaffes, it might seem that they really don't fit at all, and in fact maybe that particular group isn't right for them. I hope they try a few more and find friends!

Mine seem lovely so far, but it’s just life isn’t it you aren’t all going to get along, as long as you have a friendly positive attitude etc and keep getting out there I would try not to think too much about this stuff as it will only make it more of an issue in your mind and lead to anxieties etc and make it harder to socialise.

I am lucky to be in a big city with loads of stuff going on but appreciate this could be harder in smaller places where you only have a few groups etc.

There’s always the option of starting new groups too x

here theyre shit. theyre all "against the system" types!
I`ve been made to feel thouroghly unwelcome, because i work with the home ed officers, not against! its like meeting teens with a need to go against the system and being all rebellious!

@norfolkforever lol! I feel like I’m a mix of both types, quite rebellious but also totally happy to engage with LEA etc. Kind of doing a structure at the moment but wanting to fully unschool while they are small I think. My daughter is still wanting to have a timetable for now though as that is what she is used to from school so she sets her own timetable for now.

The only subject I’m being fairly formal about is maths right now, the others are kind of just happening more fluidly.