What would you do?

[MamaToTheBabyBears]

I've also posted in the education forum.
My eldest is due to start Reception in September and I can't decide what to do! I'm tempted to home educate until 6/7 by which time we'd be able to afford a private school. I've done a lot of research and confident I can do a good job. I don't know if she's emotionally ready to go to school, 4 is still so little, in a lot of countries children don't start school until 6 or 7. What would you do/what have you done?

At this age they don't need formal schooling, if you've done your reading then you know they don't start that until 6/7 in lots of other countries. If you feel home Ed is the right choice for this stage then do it. Make sure you spend lots of time playing, reading stuff together doing fun things, she will learn regardless of how the information is presented. I don't regret ds going to school per se, buuuut hindsight says it might not have been the best decision, but what's done is done. It isn't an irreversible decision so look out for local groups find some home Ed pals (don't expect those you know now to stay in touch or be available once here cohort reach school age) and go with the flow.

I agree with @Pashazade! No decision is permanent and it makes sense to meet the needs of the child you see before you, rather than subjecting her to an environment which isn't right for her in hopes it will work out in the long run.

My feelings on the subject are the same as yours. Young children are driven to learn through play (not "play-based education" but actual genuine unrestricted play) and school deprives them of their full dose of play. Psychologist Peter Gray makes an excellent case for play here.

This was why I didn't send my eldest to school and used home education as a means to delay school start until a time that seemed more developmentally appropriate. I imagined she would want/need school around the age of seven and that I would send her then. It turned out I was wrong. She learned so well and was so happy without school that there never was a good enough reason to send her. We carried on HEing first her and then her younger sister, whose special needs made HE a no-brainer. Now they are 20 and 13 and it's one of the best decisions I've ever made.

My eldest did try school around the age of ten but didn't stay. In her eyes it wasn't a good use of her time. I once asked her whether she learned more while HE or at school. She said she learned similar amounts in both places, but that school took up an entire day whereas she could learn the same amount in a fraction of the time while HE. That gave her more time for hobbies, friends, relaxing and PLAYING - still very important at ten.

Though my eldest was a confident, sociable autumn-born people-pleaser, I still felt school was unlikely to meet her emotional needs. Poor staffing levels, crowding and performance targets conspire against teachers' valiant attempts to nurture children. It just isn't a good place for a 4yo, IMO.

You might need a different educational approach from the one I used, if you are definitely going to send your child to school. You'd want to ensure that her reading and writing are well underway whether or not she seems ready and willing. Schools do that from age four and they expect it, so it's likely to deal her confidence a big blow if she pitches up to school aged seven unable to read. A selective private school might not even take her if she doesn't perform as they want in their entrance tests.

But you could still give her most of the benefits of home education even if you do make some concession to the school system in the form of enforced reading and writing practice. One-to-one attention means she'll learn more effectively, so you could work on it say half an hour a day. You wouldn't necessarily have to start at the age of four but could leave it later.

I expect you will get lots of catastrophising on your other thread about stunted social skills and how a child who misses the first few years of school will never catch up. It isn't like that at all! Home ed kids enter school at various ages and from various backgrounds. Some don't settle well, but I'd argue that those are children who, like my youngest, never would have thrived at school regardless when they started. HE children who are "school-shaped", like my older child, find it simple to adapt to school and don't need to go at four.

The school-readiness skills which four year olds find so hard to acquire are hard for them BECAUSE they are young. It is easier for a 7yo to wait their turn, button up their own coat, sit quietly, get along with other kids, and survive all day without a cuddle. And easier yet for a 10yo. They don't need to have been at school since four to have picked those skills up; that comes through life experience and maturity. People who are entrenched in the school system don't grasp that.

Also no doubt you will see the argument that because most 4yos in this country do go to school, it is normal and therefore good, so you are being silly and precious in wanting something different for your child. I don't buy that idea. Plenty of customs which have been "normal" in previous generations are now considered unacceptable.

Besides, you only have to read the Mumsnet primary board in the autumn to see how many small children are finding school very hard indeed. They get overtired, they struggle with friendships where there are no adults who have time to help them, they don't eat their lunch because they're distracted or not hungry and then they're ravenous later, they are scared to use the toilet, they won't do their homework.

Their parents are reassured that this is just a phase, they have to go through it, and it will get easier next month or next year. But you could just skip the phase by starting them at school when they are actually ready.

We held off school as DC weren't ready at all. It was the right decision for us and was so much fun. I'm so glad that my kids' childhoods have so many zany, varied, sometimes hippy but always entertaining memories.

I have two girls, one has done reception, year one and part of year 2. I also have a 4 year old.

My advice is to home educate. They are so little and they love the nurturing. You can do phonics, reading, maths, crafts at home as well as groups :)

@Saracen I completely agree, you put that very well. It’s so sad when little ones are pushed into these situations because society has set a standard that they must do it.