AIBU wanting to homeschool

[anon235]

Just looking for some reassurance...

I hated school, I hated primary school and ended up dropping out of secondary school at 15. I really struggled, not with the work but with teachers/other pupils and the whole concept. I still get anxiety thinking back to school days now and sometimes even nightmares.
I later studied and got some gcses and did a college course (mainly coursework) I only went in for the exams.

Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to send my DD to school when the time comes because of my bad experiences? DH also had a terrible time at school, was bullied and beat up a lot but is worried about the opportunities dd might miss out on and the cost of homeschooling.

My gut instinct is to have her at home with me, but am I just being overprotective?

Any advice from parents who are homeschooling? I'm guessing you had to give up your job? How did you cope with only one wage coming in and did you find homeschooling to be expensive?

Thanks in advance everyone for your opinions, it is much appreciated

Your daughter WILL miss out on some things if she is home educated. It is undeniable.

She will also miss out on some things if she goes to school. This is a point which is often overlooked. People imagine that any opportunity a home educated child can have is also available to a schoolchild during the hours they don't go to school, and in one sense this is true, but home education is qualitatively different.

The great thing is, you don't have to make a decision at this moment which maps out your child's entire future and prevents her from EVER accessing school experiences. By the same token, no decision which you make right now will permanently deny her access to the opportunities of home education.

You could home educate her for a while and then if you see that she's missing out, you could send her to school. Or you could send her to school and if you see that she isn't happy there, take her out to home educate. I am a big believer in meeting a child's current needs as best you can, and adapting as necessary as you go along. A child who is happy is learning. You may be unable to predict right now what she will need in a few years' time, or in ten years' time. But that is okay. You don't have to.

As she approaches school age, why not ensure you mix both with families whose children are at school and those who aren't, to get a picture of what it's like and build a support and social network? That will give you some perspective, though of course nobody can say what school or HE will be like for your individual child.

Start off with whichever option feels most positive, and be ready to change later if needed.

Frankly if you did so badly at school what chance has your child to learn a decent education from you? Plus I she will never know how to learn to interact and enjoy children’s friendships. Don’t put your own emotional baggage on your child

If you are planning to home educate then do you have a comprehensive level of education to be able to do that? You don't sound like you are focusing on the education. Instead you are just wanting to protect. Just because you had a difficult time at school does not mean your child will. My DD loves school and looks forward to going every day. I was never as enthusiastic.

I hated primary school and was badly bullied. I was home educated and then returned to school at gcse time.
That was me.
DD loves school, popular and does well. It would be madness to he her.
You need to offer your dc what works for them, not what would have worked for you.
Your dc are not you.

OP it looks to me you are transfering your thoughts and feelings on your school days on your child.....who may LOVE the school environment!

as pp says your child is not you, doesnt think like you, feel like you. Maybe they will feel different in the school environment and enjoy it? You need to let your child try it without influencing them in how you talk about it? IF it isnt for them , fine. Home ed.

I also agree with a pp that you need a certain amount of knowledge / education to teach yourself. I mean someone who cant drive cant teach someone else to drive! At key stage 2, you can learn together, but ks3 you may get unstuck .....

There are many good reasons to choose an alternative path for education. You not liking your own schooldays isn't one of them.

I think you need to reflect on your own issues linked to education regardless of what you decide for your DC otherwise your own chip on your shoulder will negatively affect their education (we see it all the time in schools- parent didn't like school, was bullied, didn't like teachers so every tiny normal element of life is viewed through the lens of their own experience some 10/15/20 years ago with little to no consideration that times change and their child is a different person)

I think its important to remember no matter what you choose that your daughter is neither you or her father. She is her own person and just because neither of her parents enjoyed school it doesn't mean she will follow in your footsteps. You need to consider if home-schooling her is in her best interests when the time comes or if you are only choosing this route because of your past experiences.

Please also try to remember that schools will have changed since you attended. The way you were taught and what you experienced will not be what your daughter learns and experiences.

I hated school, but sent my kids to primary school hoping their experience would be different. As a result of their medical conditions, local school provision being awful and being in a financial/ educational position to offer an alternative...I home school both kids. They hated primary school, and I had little faith in local secondary schools ethos to change that. It is hard work, even with all the resources on the internet. I have bought them both internet school services to top up what is done at home. It works for my kids, but it is down to individual personalities. It can be expensive with all the books, trips out, clubs etc. If my kids were healthy, extroverts then they might hate it.

It is widely acknowledged that school education can be good or poor, and home education can be good or poor.

The fact that most children in this country go to school doesn't mean school must be the default choice. I'm puzzled by the frequent assumption that the bar choosing home education must be higher than that for choosing school.

A number of PPs have observed that your child is not you and their experience of school will not necessarily be the same as yours. They conclude that it's a mistake to allow your bad experience of school, and that of your partner, to incline you toward home education.

But would we say this to a parent who had loved school and accordingly decided to send their child to school in the first instance in the hope and expectation that the child would love it too? Does anyone EVER say to such a parent, "Yes, I accept that you had a great time at school, but your child isn't you. Don't send them!"

Parents make decisions all the time based on their own childhood experiences. If I'd found great comfort from my religion, I would bring my children up in that religion; if I'd felt oppressed by my religious upbringing I would seek to spare them that. Given that school-based education and home education are equally valid choices, if there's no strong reason to choose one over the other, why shouldn't parents' own experiences inform their decision and be a key factor?

"she will never know how to learn to interact and enjoy children’s friendships"

LOL that might be true if we shut our home educated kids up in the house all day!

Both of my children had significantly more time to play with other children (play with them and talk to them, not just sit in the same room with them) than they would have if they'd gone to school. One of them tried school for a few months and came out again, mainly because she found school took up too much of her time. In particular, while at school she didn't get to play with her friends as much as she had done before going to school.

She also observed that school restricted her choice of friends and way of behaving around them. The other kids thought it odd to play with people of different ages. Girls and boys didn't mix much and played different types of games due to social pressure rather than individual preference. The crowding made it tricky to play or talk one-to-one: public friendships were easily disrupted. Brief playtimes made it hard to engage in longer, more complex games.

School does give ready access to a wide pool of potential friends, but the social atmosphere can be problematic. It's no coincidence that bullying is a bigger issue at school than in other environments where children associate.

so which online school do you use scooby do?

we chose to home ed ds because he has SEN issues (asd) and after years of struggling he just coudnt cope in the school environment. Add on where we live not enough places (2 yr waiting list) for autism units. It was a horrible time, his secondary school HAD tried to help , cant fault them really. he is now enrolled in an online school. but we have chosen subjects that allow for intergrating back into "proper" school if we/ ds chooses in the future. so we arn`t turning our back on state school either.

it wasnt a descion we chose lightly. much discussion and outlining with ds also, with pros and cons of both types of education.