Child says they hate school

[Beretbobblehat]

Just wondering whether anyone else has home educated for this reason and would be happy to share their experience? DC aged 8 usually not happy at school (gets v worried on Sunday nights, often gets teary before/after school, but they say is fine when there). Jumps from reason to reason - a particular teacher, an activity, a friend situation, learning stuff (has some SEN). Something different every week but nearly always the same complaint - I hate/don’t want to go to school. Been like this to varying degrees since year 1.

For various reasons it would be difficult (although not impossible) for us to home educate. But I wonder if some children are just not suited to school?

Personally we home educated from the start for different reasons so not helpful in sharing experience.
However yes I firmly believe that school is not suited to some children (I prefer to phrase it that way round as I think it is school that is the problem not the child).
I have home educated for nearly 13 years and for a lot of that was the first point of contact for our local home ed group. In recent years I probably heard a story like yours once a week.
Many did go on to home ed and their children thrived.
Perhaps if you explain the difficulties we can offer some practical suggestions.

My two are definitely square pegs. School just hasn't worked for them. One has ASD and the other has dyslexia. Neither could cope with a rigid school environment and DS, in particular, couldn't keep up with the lessons. There was no help for SEN offered at all. So we work at our own pace.

Another firm believer (there are a huge number of us!) who simply believe school doesn't suit all children. Simple. Home ed is the default method of education really, but most parents in recent history have handed over that responsibility to the state instead which is their right but it is most certainly not the only way!

My DC are all very different but we have home educated them from the beginning and they are thriving and very happy (Currently baking and arguing over ingredient amounts!). They have HE friends that have been taken out of school for all sorts of reasons, some due to anxiety, some for SEN reasons and plenty, just like us feel it is a better choice for our DC and family as a whole.

OP your DC is a great age to try out HE. It is simple enough to return to mainstream education if it doesn't work out. Have a search on FB for local home ed groups to you or join one of the larger nationwide HE groups to enquire about groups local to you. HTH and best of luck whatever you decide! 💐

I think you are really in a bind, OP. Many children are extremely unhappy at school. In some cases the stress permeates their lives to such an extent that they are worrying about school even when not at school.

If you knew the reason, you might be able to work out whether it is fixable, at this school or by changing school. But it's common for children to be unable to articulate the source of their suffering. The school environment has become so "normal" to them - and is painted as "normal" by everyone around them - that they don't know what is wrong. Sometimes it is only after they have been out of school for a while that they are able to express what the problem is, or what the problems are: it may be a whole host of troubles. Perhaps that's because they can only get perspective on their misery after it has lifted.

You say it would be difficult for your family to home educate. Would that still be the case if you did it temporarily, say for a year? That might be long enough for you to observe your child in a variety of environments, without the underlying school stress overshadowing everything, and figure out what aspects of school were causing the distress. Then you could decide whether you need to home educate or whether you can find a school which offers a more suitable environment. For example, you might discover that your child hates noise, and look for a school with a different physical layout, or smaller classes, or less shouty teachers, or see whether ear defenders could help.

I'm not optimistic that you'll get to the bottom of it while your child remains so overwhelmed. I also would give no credence whatsoever to the assurances of staff that your child is "fine" while at school. People tend to become overwhelmed and shut down when in a difficult situation from which they cannot escape. A compliant withdrawn child is "fine" from the school's POV because they aren't causing any problems to anyone else. A child who's genuinely fine at school wouldn't have been telling you persistently for years that they hate school. Believe your child.