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My 16 year old son refusing to go to school

13 replies

YoshiThor78910 · 22/03/2019 12:10

My son will be doing GCSE's in May and June this year (2019). For most of year 11, we have not managed to get him into school. He does no revision whatsoever and won't sleep at night which makes him tired and very difficult to get out of bed. It seems he has become overwhelmed with everything making him anxious and depressed. We had a meeting with the headmaster who has let him drop some subjects and has put him on a part time timetable. We really thought this would be the answer, but no. He has seen the doctor who said he was mildly depressed and referred him too the NELFT NHS Emotional Wellbeing and Mental Health Service. We had a meeting with one of the practitioners. Since then my son doesn't want any counselling, or advice. There are waiting lists, so we booked a councillor to pay for, but my son refused to go. Its such a shame, because before year 11, he was so positive, saying he was going to try his best and really get into it. Now he is in year 11, he has done the complete opposite. He is perfectly capable of doing well, but is just throwing it all away. I don't know how we will get him to even do the exams! One good thing is he was interested in a college where you can go on to get an apprenticeship afterwards. I took him to a trial morning there and he really liked it. The trouble is, they are unlikely to take him in if he doesn't even do the exams. He can re-do Maths and English if he gets a low grade. I have heard of school phobia before. It seems my son has this even though it has just happened in his last year at school. Does anybody else have this problem? or is it just us. We feel so alone with it.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 22/03/2019 12:19

It's probably just his age, not school phobia. Maybe he's just bored. My DS did his GCSE's and got a job afterwards. But a couple of years later he retired to his room and didn't come out for 3 years. He's now married, house, kids and earning good money.

And it's never too late. Kids can always go back and try again. Could he do the maths and English at home? The school send the work home for him? Don't panic. He'll be fine.

SileneOliveira · 22/03/2019 12:28

This isn't a home ed issue, it's a mental health issue.

Please keep pushing and pushing and pushing for support for your boy. School, mental health team or GP. If he doesn't sit his GCSEs this year it's not the end of the world but there needs to be a plan.

We had a similar situation with a young person in my extended family (not my child). He started school refusing in year 11, depressed, anxious, wanted to be on the playstation all night and in bed all day. He refused to attend school for his exams. Unfortunately, his school finished at 16, after that the kids went on to 6th form college. Because he never enrolled there, he just totally fell through the gaps.

Eight years on and nothing's changed. He's now 24, still at home, still anxious and depressed, still on the console and night and sleeping all day. Still no qualifications, no prospects and no plan.

I'd be saying to your boy that if he doesn't feel he can cope with GCSE this year than OK. Put a halt to it and start coming up with a plan to get him there for this time next year, whether that means attending school for a few hours a week, or college, or tutors, or learning at home.

YoshiThor78910 · 22/03/2019 15:04

Thanks for your reassurance. It has been a very worrying time.

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YoshiThor78910 · 22/03/2019 15:13

Hopefully, I can see if the school will send work home for him. Seeing as he is refusing to do any revision anyway, I'm already thinking it may be a problem. We are persevering with the Emotional Wellbeing and Mental Health people, but he refuses point blank to see the practitioner there again or get any counselling. We are finding this very stressful and can't believe this has happened. Maybe, he will get through it. Its interesting that he still sees his friends from time to time out of school and is very popular with them. He doesn't jump when they call him, but sees them when he wants to. At times he is quite cheery, but over anxious about school and won't talk about revision or GCSE's

OP posts:
Aucklander · 23/03/2019 12:12

Sounds like me . . . I was home educated and couldn't engage with GCSE's at that age.

I was out working when I was sixteen and caught up with GCSE's in my early twenties when I found what I wanted to do. That, as it happened, was a commission in the Armed Forces.

Frankly, if he's not interested I would think of something else as trying to force a square peg into a round hole is a really stressful thing to do and might cause more harm than good.

There's too much pressure these days. Try thinking outside the box for another solution.

Chubbychic · 23/03/2019 12:20

What happens if you say, for example, "come on ds, we are going to school today, I'll drive you in "

Does he just say no thanks, does he get upset, does he get angry?

How exactly does he refuse to go in.

When you say he doesn't sleep, is he in bed trying to sleep and can't, or is he gaming/ on his phone and choosing not to sleep?

If you ask him why he refuses to go in, what does he say? X

Chubbychic · 23/03/2019 12:23

Sorry there were paragraphs when I wrote that!

Coronapop · 23/03/2019 12:25

Maybe encourage to look more widely at apprenticeships for next year:

www.apprenticeships.gov.uk/?gclid=CjwKCAjwstfkBRBoEiwADTmnEG0kDXyN0KYW5S6t37M2zrZzk3hyGPY6eNjUbb-pe3n5YVixc9Yw4RoCD5UQAvD_BwE

He might find something he wants to apply for, and if he found something he really wanted it just might encourage him to at least sit his GCSEs.

Coronapop · 23/03/2019 12:29

On another thread someone mentioned NCS, maybe that would be something he could apply for to do in the summer?

DiaryofWimpyMumm · 23/03/2019 12:34

My son is the same. He is almost 15 so is under CAMHS. He is on a part time timetable too. Even that is s struggle some days. It's such a worry! Sorry I don't have any answers.

ScarletBitch · 23/03/2019 13:09

Send him around mine, he soon sharp get to schoolGrin

ScarletBitch · 23/03/2019 13:11

Sorry OP I was trying and failing to be lighthearted. I apologise if I caused you any upset, that was not my intention. Thanks

BarbarianMum · 17/04/2019 18:44

If he's up all night, what's he doing? If the answer is internet/Playstation/Instagram/netflix then you might try removing those from 10pm - 10am. Whatever's going on with him, whether HE or school or work are right for him, whether HE needs counselling or no, no progress can be made when he'sup all night and asleep/knackered all day.

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