Home ed & anxiety

[Stephthegreat]

I’ve posted before about wanting to home ed my ds.Hes been coming home from school angry and upset,, saying he’s useless and another boy has been punching and pushing him at playtime.

I’ve had several meetings with teachers but nothing has changed.My ds was a happy,assertive and confident boy before starting school in September.Hes become very passive and subservient.

If I take ds out and home ed him I’m worried that social services will take him away.I know it’s irrational but I’m really concerned that the LEA seem to be against home ed.

I just want what’s best for ds,I just want my lovely boy back.

My son has never been to school and even though I am struggling with home ed at the moment, I am terrified of sending him in case this happens.

However, I can reassure you that they will not take your child away if you home ed. There are thousands of new home edders every year, partly because the school system isn't great at the moment, and partly because it's becoming more mainstream and accepted. The law says that we have to educate our children, by sending them to school or otherwise. That's all.

Worst case, the LEA would pop round and see how he was getting on, say the education you were doing at home wasn't adequate, and rule that he had to go to school. And that is your worst case scenario - just to put your mind at ease. They wouldn't take him away. And even worst case is extremely, highly unlikely to happen. Most likely he would thrive and blossom.

If you look on Facebook there will often be home education groups for your area or county - have a look and see what is happening locally for home educators, join and introduce yourself even if you are only considering home ed and you will get lots of reassurance. This forum tends to be very quiet so you will get more joy on Facebook and huge amounts of advice and encouragement. Good luck.

Thank you so much Rhubarb,you really have put my mind at rest as I’m very anxious about everything at the moment.Seeing ds so unhappy has really had a big impact on our family.

I’ve been thinking about it,there’s a learning centre close to us who do home ed sessions.Ds gran used to be a teacher so would help a bit I think.

It’s such a shame schools aren’t caring for children and their wellbeing.Reception used to be nurture and play.I feel like there is too much emphasis on learning hitting targets and not enough attention paid to the children.No one seems to care if the children are being pushed about or spoken to badly as long as they meet the school targets.

You're welcome Steph! I think what you've said is bang on, compounded by the fact that good teachers are leaving in their droves because they are so exhausted and unhappy with the current system; which of course puts pressure on the kids and teachers left behind.
Hope you manage to chat face to face with a few home edders soon, they will completely put your mind at ease.

If it helps at all, the HT at my son's former school is very against home ed, and a few years ago when I withdrew my son to home ed, the HT reported us to SS. HT acknowledged (after questioning from SS) that he had absolutely no other concerns about me, my son, or his care at home, he just didn't like home ed. SS told him that home ed is not a safeguarding issue. Case closed.

The LEA cannot 'rule' that a child has to go to school. All they can do is apply to the court for a school attendance order.

The Courts only have to assess your education on the balance of probabilities. I.e. if you can convince a reasonable person that you are educating your child the magistrates will be satisfied.

I took my ds out of school because of similar issues and the fact the schools only solution was to put him in a special school because he scored 0 on his end of year exams in year 3. He couldn't read so couldn't read the questions and c

Damn phone

And couldn't write so couldn't write the answers. And was getting teased and beaten up by his classmates who called him thick.
I took him out of school to HE him.
Ds outside of school had loads friends and within weeks of starting i was teaching him GCSE maths.

Ds is now at college and because he had progressed so well he missed the 1st year of the course and went straight into the 2nd year and apart from him being the youngest in the year he came 2nd in his first module exam.

I shudder to think what would have happened to him if he had been left in school.

All that will happen when you first start is you get a visit from the attendance officer and one of the HE team from the LEA which I found really useful as they had a lot of advice and were really friendly.

After that they either visited or you could send some of what he had been working on in to them.

I wouldn't worry too much about HE. I am sure you will do a great job.

Don't forget you have to provide an education for your ds but no where does it state what you have to educate him in

'All that will happen when you first start is you get a visit from the attendance officer and one of the HE team from the LEA which I found really useful as they had a lot of advice and were really friendly.'

You do not have to accept a visit from the LEA nor do you have to provide them with information. They must seek your consent for a visit or a report and you can refuse consent for either or both.

It also depends on the LEA what the policy is. There is a lot of variation in how LEAs deal with home educators and some are better than others but there really should be nothing to fear if you are providing an education (and it is hard not to).

I would suggest reading the website edyourself.org I think you'll feel a lot more confident when you are sure if your legal position.

Also find some local home educators, join them for coffee. They can fill you in on local social and group activities and give you some information on your local LEA to help you know what to expect.

'It also depends on the LEA what the policy is. There is a lot of variation in how LEAs deal with home educators and some are better than others . . . '

LEA's do not have they key to your front door just because you are home educating. They have to have evidence of a problem.

It is certainly the case that some LEA's will try it on with new home educators but the law is on the side of the home educator who chooses privacy.

I agree with Aucklander. It is well worth knowing that LAs vary in their approach and some do not follow good practice. You do not have to tolerate this. They might make unreasonable demands, but they have no power to enforce those demands.

Maddeningly, there is no effective way to take LAs to task to stop their bad behaviour. BUT the good news is that provided you are aware of the law and connected with clued-up home ed advocates, you just need to correspond with the LA and "remind" them of the law. There is plenty of good help which people will willingly give you!! Eventually they will stop targeting you and move on to someone else.

The standard advice is as follows.

If the LA contact you, ask them to keep everything in writing. That gives you time to think how to respond, check the legal requirements for yourself, and consult with experts if you like. You will also have proof of who said what.

When you receive a letter, if you aren't sure whether you have to comply with what the LA is asking you to do, or how to respond, ask for advice on a forum such as this one. There are forums which are dedicated to this sort of thing, so we can point you in the right direction if you need extra help. Some people really know the law inside and out and will be glad to help you draft letters.

Never ignore an LA letter. Always respond promptly, even if only to challenge what they are asking you to do. If you don't answer at all, they may decide you aren't engaging and might initiate legal action. Even though they would probably lose any court case against parents who are actually educating their children, that is stress you don't need and is best prevented!

There's no need to lose any sleep over it, you just need to be aware. The law is on your side!

I have never had a problem with anyone coming round they have been really nice and quite useful.

I don’t know if it was because i never looked for confrontation that I didn’t get any. I just found they were quite useful if I had any questions.
I think I only saw anyone 4 times in 8 years and 2 visits were when we were just starting.

Neither Ds or myself found the HE groups that great. They seem to be full of parents who spent most of the meetings justifying their children’s rudeness or eating habits or trying to out do each other with what diagnosis their children had.

Neither of us felt welcome.

Having said that we did do a trip with other HE groups and whilst Ds was doing the activity I got talking to a set of parents from another group who were based hundreds of miles away from where we lived and got on with them so much better. Really clicked.

Then when Ds came out of the activity he had made friends with the children of the same group.

It made me sad that our group were such dicks.