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Home ed

Find advice from other parents on our Homeschool forum. You may also find our round up of the best online learning resources useful.

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Original poster

Friends at school

10 replies

Spotsandbows · 18/05/2018 12:12

Hi I am 99% sure home education is the best way forward for my son. The only thing that worries me is his school friends. He is 12 and in year 8. He does want to be home educated and is optimistic that he will keep his little group of friends. He is very shyand has only recently made these friends and they have just starting hanging out at the weekend. Just wondering how easy will it be to maintain these friendships away from school?

OP posts:

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 18/05/2018 12:25

I would imagine it would be quite difficult if I'm honest. At that age they would be discussing school, trips, lessons etc and if they did stay in touch he would likely feel left out during their conversations.

If he is shy I would also be wary of him becoming isolated if you were to home ed. If it has taken him this long to find friends in a large secondary school he is probably going to struggle with making new friends as even if you go to home ed groups the pool of friends his age is likely to be much much smaller.

Original poster

Spotsandbows · 18/05/2018 13:09

Thanks for reply. Yes I was worried about him making new friends. He is due to start army cadets in September so hopefully that may help. As for school friends your advise is what I feared, they're already talking about prom!

OP posts:

ommmward · 18/05/2018 15:16

It's more of a balance with early teens.

with little children, it's a matter of joining in with groups and activities and arranging playdates, which is pretty easy.

With older teens, they sort of expect to be left to it.

With that age group, it can be a matter of joining in with activities aimed at teens (there are quite a lot in our area) and keeping your ear to the ground for smaller gatherings of likeminded people. Ask on your local HE facebook groups and you'll get a sense of the lie of the land. Also, it's an age where he might be comfortable volunteering or doing other things with adults and older teens, rather than necessarily spending a lot of time with other 12 year olds. Or he might want to build up his social confidence by hanging out with the groups aimed at slightly younger children.

Saracen · 18/05/2018 16:41

Hard to predict how it will go. The fact that they hang out at the weekend rather than just at school bodes well. You can help things along if you keep offering the new friends loads of desirable food. The attraction of food to preteens and teens is not to be underestimated!!

It may (or may not) actually be easier for your son to make new friends through home education than it was at school. Many other HE kids will be looking for friendships too, and it can be easier to do this in a small group than a big one. Plus the element of fear is removed from the equation when they don't have to assess whether they will become more or less popular if they hang out with a particular kid. Even the least popular kids at school often feel the need to protect themselves by avoiding associations with others who get picked on. And when in the social spotlight they can't let their guard down and behave as naturally as they might when out of that environment. Trying to make friends when in a large same-age peer group is a very tricky balancing act.

Saracen · 18/05/2018 16:48

Further to ommmward's suggestion about friendships with older and younger kids, this can be tremendously helpful. Here's a series of posts about that by a psychologist who takes an interest in natural learning:

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/freedom-learn/200809/why-we-should-stop-segregating-children-age-part-i-the-value-play-in-the-z

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/freedom-learn/200809/why-we-should-stop-segregating-children-age-part-ii-the-unique-educative-q

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/freedom-learn/200809/why-we-should-stop-segregating-children-age-part-iii-older-children-are-ex

Branleuse · 18/05/2018 20:23

I think if theyve got phones they can keep in touch with the closest ones, but friendships do change and the less close ones drift away.

Velvetbee · 18/05/2018 22:36

DD came out of school at the end of year one. We kept up with a few school friends then, after 4 years, moved.
She’s 18 now and has several of them as friends on FB.
I think you could definitely facilitate hanging out. The friendships might wax and wane but social media means your son could keep in touch for years.

Original poster

Spotsandbows · 19/05/2018 06:35

Thanks so much for the replies, it's so scary thinking about the implications but we are all really excited about he. I will definitely facilitate more meet ups(with food!) before he leaves and hopeful it will be easier for him to make new friends in HE group.

OP posts:

Bfaz · 16/06/2018 22:31

I was home educated from the age of 13 and am still best friends with my bestie from primary school! I'm in touch with others from high school too. None of us even lived close together, rural area, needed lifts etc.

It will all work out xx

Summersnake · 18/06/2018 09:04

We found it difficult..he's kept one friend because I'm friends with the mum...I think it made things difficult because his friends also hated school and would say ..oh snake doesn't have to go ,why do I? ...also your telling the parents ,by taking him out that your not happy with the education and you want better for your child..we've had people in the playground who wouldn't normally talk to me ,come up to us while we are out and ask how it's going..usually I would be ignored ..playground politics 😄..I know they are just after gossip...so I've learnt to say all is fine .

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