Home ed probably best by child doesn't want to???

[springiscomingagain]

Ds is 7 and has always loved school. Gets giddy with the learning (he's gifted) and loves school discos, school trips and all the activities. He wants to see his 'friends' (he doesn't really have any) - the reality is he has a sensory processing disorder, likely HFA and everything else that comes with high giftedness and regularly has violent meltdowns at school, get excluded regularly and no interventions are working. His EHCP request is likely to be turned down.

The only thing I can think of is that we home school. It's not ideal on any level as he has no social interaction outside school, work and money can't sustain it and ultimately he wants to go to school every day despite the outcome. There are no schools anywhere near us which could accommodate him, special or otherwise.

I feel so sad for him as he's so excited about the upcoming disco and trip and even the SATS exams. He would be devastated to miss out on those things and the day to day school involvement.

I've no idea what to do......

So send him to school, if he is so disruptive at school the Senco should be getting behind your EHCP. Why do you think you won't get it?

You get support from IPSEA and SOSSEN and appeal if your request for assessment is turned down and then you appeal each and every stage if you have to. Neither you nor your son should be forced into HE. Secure the support your child needs to keep him in school and definitely don't remove him from the school roll.
Have you got a referral to a paediatrician and CAMHS for an assessment for ASD if that's what you believe could be the reason for his difficulties?

Yes, lots of referrals have gone in for everything and we're on all the waiting lists. SENCOs are really good and are doing a lot of work to make things better for him but nothing has worked and it's been months. I don't know for sure that the EHCP request will get rejected it's just everyone keeps telling me that that's the case and especially as he's outstripping his educational targets without even trying.

I know we could appeal (as long as we don't need to fund a solicitor etc as we couldn't!) although it could take SO long to get support even if the assessment was accepted, it's still months of him violently hurting staff, children, throwing furniture, ripping everything and being in exclusions most of the time. I'm not sure even a 1:1 would help as people suffocate him when he's anxious. It's having a huge impact on all of us and I don't think we can cope for much longer in this situation.

Really he needs a class of 1, a safe environment, a bespoke curriculum for his brain speed etc and that can only be achieved through HE but I know it could create a load of problems as well.

Well ds and dd both had/have statements of SEN/ EHCPs whilst never ever having been outside of the top 10% academically in their school years so be reassured there.
Independent specialist school could provide a bespoke education as they did for ds and will do for dd so fight for the EHCP as that is the key to getting his needs met.
Don't rely on the school to fight for the EHCP you do need to take charge tbh and use the services of IPSEA and SOSSEN, schools don't always know as much as they would lead you to believe.

Thanks - yes school seem to be the driving force and have kept us at a safe distance really. I think it should have been done a lot sooner really as this situation can't go on for much longer and we are looking at at the 20 week window at the very least.

Unfortunately our county has not a single specialist school that is suitable. Tbh there are virtually no special schools at all and the county recognise that is a huge problem as pretty much all children are mainstream except for children with profound and multiple learning disability. There isn't even an autism base within 90 mins of us. It's appalling. I've discussed this situation with many professionals and independent advice avenues and charities in this area and they all say it's mainstream with support or home ed.

Ds went to school in a different Local Authority but he was was taxied with an escort and funded by our Local Authority. He wasn't even the pupil furthest away as the school took pupils from five different LA's. Have you looked at all neighbouring LA's as well? Or perhaps an Independent school with smaller classes, a more challenging academic curriculum and TA support could be a possibility?

Yes we've tentatively looked around and as we're central but rural within a large county, it's over an hour to 90 mins to leave the county. There really is no specialist school that would be feasible even with transport. There are a few small independent schools around but a lot are shutting as there isn't really the market for them and I'm told by professionals that none are good for SEN and that laughably, our school is the best one around for SEN so theoretically, we should be in the best place.....

What a tough situation. It sounds like there is no perfect solution, but it's a case of finding the one which is least bad.

It's really hard for anyone to predict how home education could look for your son. Undoubtedly there will be things about school which he would miss. You may be able to supply some things which would replace them, and others which will be even better, but it's still likely he would identify something about school which he likes and simply can't get at home.

If school gets really bad for your son, you might just have to overrule him. Parents do, sometimes. Thousands of children are sent to school against their will because their parents feel school is best for them. No one thinks twice about that. Children are taken to hospital for treatment they wouldn't have agreed to.

Parents do generally try to get their child's agreement before home educating, especially in the case of older children. However, there are cases which are so extreme that parents have to do what's best for their child regardless of the child's opinion. Sometimes the child changes his mind once he is out of the stressful environment of school and once he sees that home education is better than he imagined.

Many of the things which your son likes about school could be provided outside of school. That is easier to do in a more urban area and where there is an active home education community. We go on numerous trips with other kids, sometimes even as a group on a bus or train together. There are home ed discos and sports days and Lego engineering challenges and World Book Day parties. There are clubs and classes, home ed and otherwise, where kids associate with other children. Kids who find crowds a challenge may not choose to go to these, or they may choose only to go to the ones which are most manageable for them, and may cope okay because it's only a few hours a week. If you're quite rural, there's a good chance you wouldn't have easy access to all of this within a reasonable distance. However, it wouldn't hurt to join the local home ed Facebook groups to get a feel for what is actually on offer.

Have you thought about moving to a different area? Maybe you can find somewhere that has a suitable school and then fight to get your son into it. Maybe you can find somewhere with a huge number of home ed activities and events to dip into as you choose. Perhaps you can even find an area that has both: one or more schools which could meet your son's needs, together with the safety net of a robust home education community in case you can't get him into those schools, or school doesn't suit him after all.