Talk to me about homeschooling

[SoonerThanYouThink]

I know it's awhile away yet as DD is only nearly 3, but I know we'll be applying for schools for her in the next year or so, so it's something I want to consider now before applications start.

She has a global developmental delay of around 6-8 months. I work and she attends a private Nursery 3 days a week, but she's starting to struggle and the difference between her and the other children in her room is becoming apparent. While Nursery are coping, I'm worried that once she gets to school and she's a small fish in a big pond she'll struggle - I know there's time for her to catch up yet but I like to plan, and the schools in the area are all under subscribed by at least 5 places each so if I change my mind I'm not worried about getting her into a school.

I'm also not a big fan of them starting formal education so little. She loves Nursery but it's mostly play and I'd rather she had that sort of curriculum until she was 7 or 8, maybe even 9 or 10.

I wouldn't plan to homeschool her entire school career, around here they change schools aged 9 and then again aged 13, so I'd probably put her in at either of these points (probably aged 8/9 - so year 4/5). Also I have fond memories of going on holidays when I was in Primary School which is something I'd like the option of for my DD, as I think family time for young children is just as important as education.

I have teaching experience but it's secondary experience not primary. But I feel I could teach her to read, and write and basic maths. There's a home schooling group in my town that runs twice a week run by a qualified primary teacher and speaking to her that's open to anyone who home schools up to age 10.

My worry is, she has friends at Nursery obviously friendships change a lot until they're about 9/10 but I'm worried she'll get lonely, she's likely to be my only child for health reasons.

Also other than reading, writing and maths, what would we do all day? I can change my hours at work to fit around her and my DH would happily do stuff with her too.

I'm also worried that I'm doing it for the wrong reasons. I want more time with my DD while she's little. I love taking a random day off work and keeping her out of Nursery which I can do now without worry.

So talk to me, want reassurance, and also to be told what you all do with your children, especially those aged 4-9 years old.

Also does anyone get questioned by others when they take their children out and about with them in the week?

My DD has GDD, is 15 and mentally ill. I am considering Home Ed because I fear once she is well school will wreck her mental health again.

IME infants and juniors was not the major problem. Yes kids will notice if your DD scores the worst test in the class. Be prepared to see very little of your child's work on display in the classroom. Top tip look for it to be hidden behind the door . Never have a speaking part in the school assembly.

Don't worry about friendship groups. Most of our DD's friendship developed from her outside of school activities.

From Year 9 that is where the difficulty starts. Managing periods nightmare. Coping with attention from boys that she is too emotional young to handle. Bullying when it becomes clear that she is different. Assess to social media - urgh!! Snap chat and Instagram causes endless trouble.

With hind sight sending my GDD girl to school was the right thing to do for us. My mistake was not taking her out of school a year ago.

By explaining the flip side I hope this helps you making your decision.

fortified I'm so sorry your daughter is having such a rough time. I understand the teen years and early 20s are the biggest challenge for young people with learning disabilities, and I can't say I'm looking forward to it! However, I've been learning a lot from a friend who has spent the last few decades fostering many vulnerable girls, several of whom she adopted. She's a very strong and positive person who has encouraged me to take the long view.

She's had pressure from social workers to treat her foster teens just like typical children of the same age, and is adamant that this is the wrong approach, as it puts them at greater risk of harm when they find themselves in situations they aren't equipped to handle. The good news is that they keep learning and growing and developing for many years. The traditional view that young people should be finished with the bulk of their learning by 16 or 18 and won't need much parental input after this is totally flawed for her kids, she says.

Good luck to your daughter, and to you!

Sooner, I have an 11yo with a learning disability who has always been home educated. (I also home educated my older child, who is now 18.) It's a great fit for her. School felt obviously wrong for her, so I never seriously considered sending her. Here's how I saw it. Any parent who proposed to send their two year old into all-day Reception would get it in the neck. They'd be accused of hothousing, of disregarding their child's emotional and social needs. And if I wouldn't condone sending an average two year old to Reception, why would I send my child - who in every respect was just like a tall two year old - into a Reception class? This mania for trying to make kids "catch up" is harmful to kids IMO. It is a feature of the school system, which cannot readily accommodate children who are different. If you HE, you don't have to buy into it.

"Other than reading, writing and maths, what would we do all day?" Here are just some of the things my child has been doing in the last few days. Play with stuffed toys, make clothes for them, watch YouTube videos about how to make things for them. Do sports, crafts and drama with home educated kids and special needs groups. Visit a local monument. Plan elaborate practical jokes which will never happen. Look at gravestones in churchyards: wonder about the people who died and about how the bereaved felt and about why some people are cremated and why it matters about being "respectful" near a grave and whether the birds like living there and why the ivy grows just the way it does. Have friends round. Build a dollhouse out of cardboard and furnish it with chairs made of Lego. Bounce on a trampoline. Use a hula hoop while trying to make a chicken balance on her head. Help serve lunch to homeless people. Skype relatives. Find Germany on a map. Stare into a river. Make up stories. Use household junk to invent crazy Heath Robinson contraptions that occasionally really work. Count change. Mix various items together in the quest for the best ever slime. Sit and think. Listen to stories and to a book about Vikings. Go along to the supermarket, to see the car being MOTed, and to watch mum give blood. Watch SpongeBob, the Simpsons, and a documentary about Antarctica. Help fix the computer. Make a tiny dog bed out of clay. Play with magnets. Try to grasp American politics. Learn to peel vegetables and use a hand-held electric mixer safely. Make paintings and give them to elderly neighbours. Play poohsticks and hopscotch. Ask a hundred questions on every subject under the sun.

It seems to me that she is learning plenty. Just as important, her self-esteem is high. She does things which are just right for her. She recognises her own competence. Nobody has ever hidden her work behind the door or given her a test with a score so she can compare herself to other kids of the same age and discover that she doesn't measure up. There's no talk of her being "behind". She ISN'T behind; she's in the right place for her. It's true that she is beginning to realise some things come more easily to other kids than to her, but those skills aren't given disproportionate weight. In her experience, neat handwriting carries no more weight than getting on with other people. Sitting still doesn't earn more praise than running around. Algebra isn't more important than the ability to replace a broken tap. Being "in" with groups of same-age girls isn't rated higher than helping younger friends. She doesn't spend 30 hours a week, plus homework time, in an atmosphere where the very skills she lacks are the only abilities which are valued.

You said you were worried because you actually want to be with your daughter and this might be colouring your decision. Let me ask you this. What if your strong desire to spend more time with your child ISN'T primarily about your needs? What if this desire is simply the manifestation of a parent's instinctive understanding of what THE CHILD needs? Was it selfish of you to rock your little baby when she cried, because you couldn't bear her misery? When you tickled your toddler and played peekaboo over and over because her laugh filled you with joy, did you do it for the "wrong reason"? I think a parent who is in tune with her child does not find her own needs constantly at odds with the child's needs. Sure, it can happen. But mostly it doesn't happen.

Or this. Imagine a parent who is full of eagerness for her child to start school. She has considered her child's needs and is confident that school is the right place for her child, and she expects the child to learn loads and have fun there. What's more, she is looking forward to starting a new job now that she'll have this free childcare. Would she be sending her child to school for the wrong reason? Who would criticise her?

Enjoying your daughter's company is a great sign. It will make home education much easier and more pleasant for both of you.

Saracen, that's beautiful. My eyes might be leaking a bit.

Saracen That made me cry thank you, it appears there's quite a lot we will be able to do even everyday and things I already do with my DD. Fine example of HE working thank you.

My DD just went back to school, and the most common question was along the lines of "Weren't you really lonely sat in your bedroom all the time on your own?"! In reality she could have done many social activities every day and still not been involved in everything that was happening for home ed kids. Unless you live somewhere very isolated there should be loads going on and plenty of friendships to be made - search Facebook for home education and the name of your city / town / county where activities are coordinated.

I home ed my 6 year old!

Why? Because we want to, because we think that they go to school far too young!

My family say he's so smart and is clued up about everything that it's amazing. We fill our days with English, maths, science, geography, swimming, cycling, shopping and fun :)