Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Home ed

Find advice from other parents on our Homeschool forum. You may also find our round up of the best online learning resources useful.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Considering home schooling due to anxieties

26 replies

Worriernumberone · 11/01/2018 19:22

I’ve always suffered with anxuety, in particular, emetophobia(fear of vomit).
I thought I had this under control after 12 months of antidepressants(cold so much better!) but I’m starting to worry again.
I hate my kids going to school because of all the bugs that are spreading like wildfire. My 5 year old seems to have the same issues as me now. I don’t think he’s got it from me, just seems to get scared when kids are sick in school. And now he seems to be worrying constantly about feeling/being sick. The panic in his face is so familiar to me. Wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
Would I be unreasonable to consider home schooling because of this?

OP posts:

BlatheringOn · 11/01/2018 20:21

Hello Worrier, I home educated ds through his secondary school years with him going back to school in sixth form. We took him out because he is Aspergers and was struggling to learn in the school environment. We met plenty of other children who left school because of bullying and anxiety issues.
My advice would always be to be as sure as you can that this is the best thing for your child. We discussed it fully with ds and ds's primary school teachers, but ds was 10 at the time so it was easier for him to understand the ramifications than it will be for a 5 year old. How did you cope at school with your anxiety?

Original poster

Worriernumberone · 11/01/2018 20:29

Not very well at all. I cried every single day going in and every night at bed time because I hated it so much. I just wanted to be at home, safe. I hate the thought of my poor DS feeling as scared and miserable as I did.
I know DH would be dead against him not going to school

OP posts:

BlatheringOn · 11/01/2018 20:47

School isn't for everyone but home education can be tough too if you want your child to get qualifications - you will have to spend time teaching him. Having said that, the primary school years are the easiest and lots of parents say that a happy child outweighs all other considerations.

Have a look at the home ed forums for more information.

Titsywoo · 11/01/2018 20:51

You should definitely not home school him and you should get some help for your anxieties and his. And sorry but he has gotten it from you.

CappuccinoCake · 11/01/2018 20:53

I was more scared of some of the homeschoolers/attachment parent types as though I'm fairly hippy lots were anti-vax and in was terrified about hanging out in those circles.

I also have anxiety and would worry you'd avoid so many places out of fear it would nt be good for your child.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 11/01/2018 20:56

Sorry, but yes he's got it from you and frankly taking him out of school for that reason sounds like a guaranteed way to embed and entrench anxiety for life.

You need to continue to address and treat your anxiety, and if necessary his too.

Original poster

Worriernumberone · 11/01/2018 21:17

I genuinely don’t think he has got this from me, as I’ve never freaked out when he’s been ill in the past. My eldest has this too. Now, he definitely got this from me, sadly. I was a lone parent for a long time and this was the peak of the phobia so I was a nervous wreck the majority of the time. I was terrified of life in general. This really isn’t the case anymore, thankfully. Obviously the worry still niggles occasionally but it’s 90% under control.
My main concern is DS feeling scared and anxious. He was terrified today because 2 children were sick in school. Says he hates the smell, bless him. He’s not enjoyed school at all since he went back in September and this has shown in his behaviour 😔

OP posts:

BlatheringOn · 11/01/2018 22:18

That sounds very difficult but great that you have been able to get it mainly under control. Since you understand what your ds is going through can you help him in any way?

Original poster

Worriernumberone · 12/01/2018 08:00

I don’t know. No one could help me when I was going through it. I’m 37 and it started for me at his age in the same way. A child was sick in school and it terrified me!

OP posts:

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 12/01/2018 08:18

I genuinely don’t think he has got this from me, as I’ve never freaked out when he’s been ill in the past.

So where has he got it from? Sheer wild coincidence? I'm sure you are not as ill as you were, but I'm willing to bet you still communicate your illness in all kinds of unconscious ways. Children are very sensitive to those signals.

All this sounds to me as though you really want to remove him from school to relieve YOUR anxieties, not his. All your posts are projecting your own experience in school onto him. Removing him really shouldn't be the first approach before even trying to deal with his anxieties (and your own) better.

Haudyerwheesht · 12/01/2018 08:22

I'm sorry OP but you and your eldest have anxiety and your littler one WILL have picked up on that.

Personally, I'm all for home ed but in these circumstances it's purely an avoidance tactic and it would be 100% the WRONG thing to do for you AND for your child. It would be so so bad for his mental health. Please don't do this.

KayaG · 12/01/2018 08:28

Of course it's come from you, OP. Please don't do this and get treatment for yourself.

Oblomov18 · 12/01/2018 08:32

This is not ok. You are considering home schooling because of your own anxiety. This is not normal. Please go and see your GP. This is not acceptable.

Runningoutofusernames · 12/01/2018 08:34

Agree with others. I was partially home educated and am really supportive of it, but this is being driven by your needs not his.

That panic in his face has been learnt from you, and you could both end up really isolated when you realise that home education also involves a lot of socialising (and in my experience, often with a lot of alternative families with a 'robust' approach to building immunity, definitely not the land of careful anti bacterial wiping!)

I'm sure you've taught him so many great things as well, your strength as a lone parent and to do a lot to overcome your challenges will be really inspiring - and now he needs your help to.make sure he doesn't have to face the same challenges.

It sounds like to are already doing so much, and some more support would be really helpful. Have you spoken to your doctors about how he is reflecting your anxiety? Also really worth talking to the school to see how you can work together.

ArbitraryName · 12/01/2018 08:39

Rather than looking to home school on this basis, might it not be a better idea to take him to the GP so that his anxiety can be treated? He doesn’t have to go through life scared of people being sick.

constantchange · 12/01/2018 08:46

Agree with PP. Of course the children got this from you. You might think you hide it well but the reality is probably different!

It would be wrong to home school for your own anxieties - they will miss out on so many important elements of being in school.

mirandasings · 12/01/2018 09:52

He has got it from you. it’s learned behaviour and it’s not a fear it’s an irrational phobia. Instead of trying to hide him away from his issues you need to get to the bottom of it. And you need to get yours sorted too.

There will be sickness and vomit in life. It’s just a fact. I would focus my energy on getting it sorted instead of learning how to home school.

Original poster

Worriernumberone · 12/01/2018 11:15

Thanks everyone. He was in quite a state last night and I just felt so sorry got him. I want to protect him from this ‘scary’ thing, and I know I can’t.
It probably is my anxiety that’s fuelling this but I remember I used to beg and plead with my mum to home school me as the thought of going to school and being around sickness, scared the life out of me. I was dragged to so many psychiatry appointments and no one knew what was wrong with me! I was only actually diagnosed with emetaphobia when I was 24. I’d gone for a check up with my go after having my eldest son and burst into tears. I was scared of him!! I was scared of him being sick. And a counsellor finally diagnosed what was wrong.
I don’t want my beautiful boy to suffer the same. If I take him to the GP I k ow exactly how it’ll go and I doubt it’ll be helpful at all

OP posts:

Original poster

Worriernumberone · 12/01/2018 11:16

Got a bit carried away there. Sorry!

OP posts:

ArbitraryName · 12/01/2018 11:44

There’s no reason to think that he’ll have the same experience at the GP as you did. Attitudes haves changed a great deal since then. And he can learn (through therapy) to think differently. So can you.

Please take him. And explain to the GP your own anxieties as well as his. Because they’re interrelated.

Agnesmay · 12/01/2018 12:05

My son (8) also has this phobia,last year at school was very difficult for us both.
Seeing his worried tearful face everyday was terrible and for a while did think about home schooling but I decided the only way to deal with this was to not reinforce the fear. I felt by me taking him out from school would let him believe he had something to be scared of.
I read up on line about how to help children with this and desensitisation came up so I started to follow this plan at home.Its not difficult , basically I started very slowly, just my son trying to say the word sick was so difficult for him but we have made so much progress he can now look at pictures of people being sick and talk about it quite freely.
I know that his fear has not completely gone and we sometime have to go over the strategies with him again just to refresh them in his mind.
He is now going into school very happily and doing very well. He will still sometimes ask me if he will be ok, I then ask him what he thinks and he always thinks for a bit and says yes I will be.
I know how difficult it is to have a child who suffers with anxiety but I think the best thing you can do is to try to find strategies for your child to use and try not to reinforce the fears
Please look it up on line I was easy to find and I really hope this helps

Original poster

Worriernumberone · 12/01/2018 16:20

Thanks so much agnesmay I know we’re not alone, but it’s nuce to hear other people’s stories

OP posts:

Agnesmay · 12/01/2018 19:48

I really hope that helps you.
Once I read the information it all made sense and gave us hope.
I think when you have a child with anxiety your natural instinct is to reassure them but this actually doesn't help, the reassurance needs to come from them. I turn most situations back to him and ask him what he really thinks about a fear he then will stop and actually think about it and realise that he might not be being rational.
I did take him to the doctor when this started but we were not offered any help at all so I have had to search for information myself.
I now have a happy little boy,I think he will always have a tendency towards being anxious but hopefully I can give him the skills to be able to help himself.
I have been so worried about him at times and shed many tears so I know how you feel but please do try to look things up as it made so much difference to us.

Agnesmay · 12/01/2018 19:49

Sorry about the punctuation and grammar it's not my strong point

Wannabecitygirl · 05/02/2018 12:24

At that age you can be pretty sure he has gotten it from you. Homeschooling him because of your anxieties isn’t fair. I think treatment for you both to overcome these anxieties would be much more appropriate

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread