Undecided HE for Year 8 Daughter:advice pls

[Hayleywayley80]

Hello everyone, my daughter has struggled since starting secondary school. I feel because of friendships breaking down and relying on one friend in particular, that she has lost confidence and her grades are beginning to fall. The head of Year called her in on Monday and shouted at her re this particular friend. She sat there and took it, but was in tears after and I had to call the school to have my say on the matter. For weeks she has been coming home in tears because she has been on her own at school. she got angry at herself and was stabbing herself with sharp tweezers. The head of Year asked why I hadn’t said anything. I said you didn’t give me a chance (as only did on the Friday), and she had a massive go at her on the Monday. The school then rang yesterday and laughed saying it was hardly self harming!!!!! I said I know from experience that, that is how most self harming starts. TBH I’m fuming but don’t want to jump to any hasty decisions. She is the one that has asked me if she can be homeschooled, she has looked into it. I currently don’t work so it would be ideal. I can’t afford a tutor so would like to set out some sort of timetable and let her carry on with KS3. I have said to her ‘what about friends?’ She said the few that she has, she will keep in touch with and see on weekends. The one that she has always relied on is now moving schools and daughter worried that everyone will blame her for the move. I do think that her work and confidence will flourish from being away from all the pressure at that school. She will be 13 in January. It’s all a bit daunting and don’t really know where to start......any help/advice would be appreciated xx

First thing to do is get yourself on Facebook and search for home Ed (or home education) and your county, or your nearest big city. There will be a group, and that's where you will find people advertising group classes, social activities etc etc. Get her out of school and take a bit of recovery time (rule of thumb is a month for every year in school assuming no major trauma). In that time, do lots of fun activities, talk together about everything under the sun, play games, read fun books, do cooking and household chores. Once she's really truly recovered from school, shell know where her passions lie, and you'll have found from other home educators what might suit yo both in how you support her. For now, the priory is to get out, get recovering, and get connected with the local community 😍

(also be aware that there will be more going on under the surface locally than is advertised. I'm in a little weekly co-op for secondary age children, but we only invite people in when we have a space, and when someone has met them and sussed them out. We don't advertise, so you wouldn't know it existed until you happened across one of us at one of the big public meet ups ☺ )

Have you done any research OP? Loads of brilliant sites online with resources and advice for people in exactly your situation. Have a look on Facebook for home ed groups in your area and join, there will be families on there who've been exactly where you are and will be more than happy to talk through any concerns.

Please don't worry she will be socially isolated, most areas have a home ed community now and there will be lots going on. Only you can decide if HE is for you but it will always feel like a pretty terrifying leap even if you're sure you want to do it so get some support around you first and read up lots so you feel like you're making an informed decision. I'm trying to be neutral here as no one should sway your decision but I will say that I love it and so does my DD

It sounds like HE is well worth trying. If you are going to try it, now would be a great time. This is because if you were to leave it longer and end up removing your daughter from school in, say, Y10 then that would represent a bigger leap of faith for you. The "GCSE years" in school are very inflexible, so it is very difficult to return a teen to school during that time.

Try it now, so that you have a good year and a half during which you could change your mind if HE doesn't suit, and she could easily return to school if needed. I am sure your daughter will thrive on it though.

Speaking of exams, you have a while before you need to focus on them but you should be aware that if your daughter sits them independently then you'll have to pay costs associated with that. There are various approaches, some more expensive than others, but none are free. You do have plenty of time to look into this and see what you think.

As a backup plan for that, you might consider the possibility of giving your daughter a break from school now and then having her go into school or college in Y10 to do GCSEs there for free. Some colleges have dedicated 14-16 provision which some teens find to be a better atmosphere than school, and other colleges will allow under-16s to do GCSEs alongside older learners. The offerings are less extensive than most schools and might not be enough if your daughter has a very academic future in mind. But it wouldn't cost anything.

We have looked into Inter High as a back up plan incase secondary school doesn't work for my son.

thank you to you all! I’ve requested to join some HE groups on FB, so will look into more. Also found a great website called educational freedom. Am I right in thinking, I do a letter for deregistering and I can take her out that day?

Yes, you can send the letter in instead of her tomorrow if you want :-)

Keep an eye on your Facebook "message requests" folder, becuase the group admins tend to ask you who you are before they let you in :)

I’m scared as a parent but really excited for my daughter as I think it’s amazing!!!
She has gone in today so think I will hand in the letter tomorrow after school- would
I hand deliver to the head or can you just hand deliver to student reception, do you know?
I’ve now joined quite a few Facebook groups and been saving an array of online sites!

It doesn't matter how you give them the letter, but it's advisable to get a receipt so you have proof that you did submit the letter. Without proof, if for any reason the school made a mistake or were deliberately obstructive about removing your daughter's name from the register, then in theory you would be liable for truancy proceedings for failing to send your daughter to school.

If you post it, send it recorded delivery. If you hand deliver it, just ask for a receipt.

Well done! We de-reged DD on the 21st September, after having gone into school 6 times since the start of term on 5th September.

Best thing we ever did.

A lot of FB pages recommend de-schooling and if that is for you, then do it. It is not for DD, or me. She craves structure. We found IXL to be helpful, £12.99 a month for both maths and English, year by year curriculum work. It is not great at explaining, so if we come across something we don't get, we look on BBC Bitesize.

We are studying Macbeth too, which I know her peers will be doing this year. Again, Bitesize and [http://www.sparknotes.com/shakespeare/macbeth/themes.html] alongside the actual play in both Shakespearean language and modern English!

I am going to bomb DD with a lot of biology (my fave subject) and she will start GCSE biology next year, a year early. There is a college a few miles away that is now taking year 9 pupils for 2.5 days a week for maths and English, so am considering using that for her, but otherwise she will do iGCSEs!

If you want to PM me with your FB details, I will friend request you and the girls could maybe do a live messenger chat (with us).