My kids aren't socialising enough

[uglyflowers]

Hi there, I've been home edding my kids, now aged 12 and 8, for a long time. The educational side is great but the social side is terrible. Where we are locally, all the mums are anti vax unschoolers whereas I am an uptight scheduled type. My kids don't really mix as despite my best efforts, I'm not clucking with the other mums and this seems to be how the friendships occur. Also my kids hate sport and won't do drama, art etc. They really only like reading and computer games which aren't sociable. They've never had a sleepover, hardly go to birthday parties etc. I'm starting to think about sending them to school (even though they don't want to go) just to give them a chance to make friends. Also, btw my son has mild autism so is a bit 'uncool' which I think makes it harder for him to mix. I've put their names down for scouts etc but there is a waiting list.

Yup!

Why does your different methodology of schooling impact your children's ability to make friends? The only reason I can imagine that would prevent it so completely is that your learning schedule doesn't allow for meet-up but I presume that isn't the issue? I can't imagine the 8yo in particular, caring about how their peers learn.

I wonder if maybe you have certain prejudices against the other families and that's rubbing off on the children? Your description of local homeschoolers is very 'us' and 'them' and you describe them as a homogenous entity to which you ascribe two completely different stances as one and the same. Unschooling and anti-vax have fuck all to do with each other, in fact, in my experience they are pretty close to opposite. I know hundreds of homeschoolers, most unschoolers, and I know two anti-vaxxers neither of whom homeschool. The self-directed learning model is a scientifically backed methodology, anti-vax is woo. Most unschoolers I've ever met are completely pro-science/anti-woo. I don't doubt unschooling anti-vaxxers exist but is your whole homeschooling community really made up exclusively of them? That seems unlikely.

The fact that you have just lumped them together suggests maybe you have a disdain for their methodology and are ascribing negative stereotypes to them as a whole which is why you aren't clicking? Their kids and your kids will pick up on your disdain for their lifestyle and it will make friendships nearly impossible.

I would insist on an extra curricular club - guides, cadets spring to mind. And preferably a sport too as team sports are valuable to me for learning. I would set it up as they get to choose, but they must be doing one club, plus one sport every year, otherwise...(contingency of your choice).

And consider registering for DofE award when age 14

I would remember though that the grass isn't always greener, and school doesn't always equal socialisation. There are huge issues with bullying, peer pressure, and an arbitrary definition of 'cool' to live up to. My teen (similar interests to yours) struggled to find more than friendly acquaintances in school but has begun to find his 'tribe' since being home ed.

Is that Minecraft home ed page busy? We home ed ds is almost 8

No idea! I don't use it, I just used the power of google :-D (and I've heard of people using such groups)