Was it a difficult decision to make?

[sorkycake]

We're planning on HE'ing from Christmas, but not for any 'real' reason it feels.
She's not being bullied, but doesn't particularly like/dislike school. We've had some incidents where she's either been upset in the mornings or after school and is no longer her vivacious self, but she doesn't identify school attendance as the reason. She's 4.5 and in a class of 25 reception children. So far she has learned to stand still in the line, sit beautifully on the floor and put her hand up when wanting to speak! Her reading is not much further on than it was before school it has to be said.
As the time gets closer I'm starting to wonder whether our reasons for withdrawing her are 'valid' enough, iykwim.
Dh & I have tried to find advantages for leaving her in school and we can't think of any, but the list of pluses for HE'ing seem to be as long as our arms.
Thing is, are we withdrawing her for her benefit is what I'm panicking about. Is this normal? How do you plough ahead when this is niggling? Or do you not? I want the easy option of having to make the decision because circumstances require it I think.
Incidentally, we were very happy with the local Nursery she attended, but school just seems crap. I just wonder should we give it more time or bite the bullet before we are forced to make a decision?
Oh, now I'm all rambly and even more confused.
Aargh! Can anyone talk some sense to me? Maybe ask some questions to help me organise my thoughts into what could be seen as a coherent argument. I mean if the LEA visit after she's left school and I'm gibbering like this what the hell will they think?

One thing I would ask yourself - is it this school in particular or all schools in general? If its the latter then I would just go for it, otherwise it might be best to look into other local schools before considering HE. I have to say that this statement speaks volumes about how you want your DD educated! "Dh & I have tried to find advantages for leaving her in school and we can't think of any, but the list of pluses for HE'ing seem to be as long as our arms." This is pretty much how DH & I feel - school simply doesnt offer what we want for our DS. He is only 2 1/2 atm & so is unlikely to attend school at all & to us HE seems like a natural choice...I think its just because it isnt the norm that it is a bit scarey! If you feel its right for your LO, then it probably is.

Why not write down all the plus & minus points for both school & HE. You might find that can be easily worked into an educational philosphy of how & why you are HEing.

You know dont have to accept a visit from the LA if you dont want one? I agree that its probably best not to if you are likely to not be able to express your HEing ideas, reasons & methods. Much better to state you want to communicate in writing - that way you have time to perfect your answers to questions!

I know exactly how you feel. I have been dithering for ages - my dd goes to an 'outstanding' school but doesn't seem v. happy on it. I hesitate because I have 3 other dc, and am not sure I could cope! I understand what you mean about them just learning to obey and wait - my dd does a lot of that. Does she like being with the other children? Would she miss being part of that group? If she has just one or two good friends, I guess you can cultivate them outside of school. Also, it doesn't have to be forever - you can always put her back in school if she misses it. You won't know if she will until you try, I guess! Hope this really rambly answer is of some use...

Thanks terramum,
We had her in the local Nursery and she was due to go to the attached primary, where she had a place, but there were concerns over mixed aged classes which we don't agree with and the high levels of disruption reported in their recent Ofsted due to an equally high level of children who have various attention difficulties. Nothing against children with special needs before anyone jumps, simply the schools way of managing integration.
We have another school nearby which had just as good results, but same aged classes and the children are from a better socioeconomic group (I know before anyone says anything) and almost all the kids have a high level of skills on entry.
We changed her place, but have since bitterly regretted it. It left us wondering within the first month whether we had not only made a mistake in changing schools, but had we made a mistake in sending her to a primary school at all. We read an article in Green Parent about alternatives to the mainstream education system and started to discuss this as an option.
We have an almost 3yo son who is very bright and we were already concerned that he may well struggle at school, so once we looked at HE'ing and whether this could be an option, it was a bit like a Doh! moment, why didn't we see this before.
I work 1/7, and Dh stays at home that day. There is no change to us financially to do it, except that I had planned to increase to 2/7 once they were in school. I'm now pg with my 3rd child, due in Feb, and it just does seem like the best situation to suit all of the family.
She already does Gymbobs, Rainbows and Spanish lessons outside of school so has the socialisation issue covered which was an original concern. We have joined the HE and EO groups in preparation, but it's still the niggle of whether it's the best thing to do in the long run. Dh feels it is, he doesn't want the peer pressure of Comp, or the stifling of her creativity and dramatic tendencies which school seems to have done.
She has become a lot more subdued since starting school, which we don't know if is due to being tired from a full day or something else. She was a little girl who loved to dress up and role play and we only see 'her' now on a Saturday & Sunday which I admit is heartbreaking to watch.
She finds the homework too easy, won't read the books because they're too easy and even though she can count in Tens, add, subtract and we have told the teachers she can do much more, she is still learning to count to ten with the rest of the class!.
I think I may have just semi-organised my incoherent thoughts.
Apologies for the length of the post, I'm glad it's off my chest!

Thanks Redshoes, I know exactly what you mean. I'm hoping I won't go nuts! My mum and dad are fully supportive of this decision if we go for it, funnily enough we haven't told DH's parents at all, probably because they're very conventional, whereas mine aren't. They've offered to take the kids for specific 'lessons' once a week, to give them some quality time with them as they live 45 minutes drive away. They have a smallholding, my dad has a workshop and is a retired carpenter, my mum is a seamstress and general love of crafty/cooking/wholesome stuff. They also have woodcraft folk down where they live which maybe useful as they got older.

I know how you feel,ie disillusioned with a school education.I've always had an inkling of HE but never did it,my mums said "they need to go to school to mix with other children etc" and I just sort of got carried away with the applying for school etc.
My DD is now 6,7 in March she is in all the top sets in school for numeracy and literacy and when her teachers speak of her they use the words 'gifted'.
BUT I've had terrible problems getting her to go to school,and when I've spoke to the school for support they've not helped at all.Dd is also just been diagnosed with early puberty,this concerns me as it can cause psychological problems due to maturing before all the other children.At school it would mean as time goes on she would have to use the teachers toilets for the obvious and also for changing for Pe.The school when I first notified them of her condition offered their full support but just this week I've had problems with them and the education welfare officer.
I also dislike the fact that they're not allowed to be young anymore ,that so much pressure is put on them at such a young age,ie sats etc.They are learning now at 6 what I learnt at 8.
I'm intelligent and articulate as are her dad (my ex) and my dp and feel that we could do a great job of educating both her and my Ds(3) at home.

I suppose it's just biteing the bullet and doing it,lol.Also how hard is it to take a child out of school and home educate once they're in the 'system' so to speak?

Sorry I have no advice for you,lol, I just wanted you to know there are others out here who also are in this quandry.

We started HE with our ds when he was 7, as he was unhappy in school - a bit of bullying but nothing really serious - in general he just wasn't thriving and was becoming increasingly unhappy - he is quite bright and found the slow pace very frustrating and didn't seem to be learning anything new. So we decided just to try HE for a while and joined the local group -{we were surprised at the number of teachers there who were also HE} and haven't really looked back. He is now 12 and doing really well. We have always made sure that we followed the National Curriculum in case he ever wanted to go back to school and now he is at Secondary level we supplement his education with on-line schooling which he is very much enjoying.So my advice would be if you think it might be a suitable option then give it a try, it's not as scary as it appears - you can always opt back in to mainstream education if it doesn't work out without too many problems as your dd is still so young.

Hullaballoo, do you think it's better to do it sooner rather than later? Is younger better?
Would you change anything about HE'ing, you know with hindsight?

Plum, what a pickle for you! I'm surprised at the amount of people who have said they would love to do it BUT.
Lots of HE'ers do seem to be teachers, or are married to them I've noticed that as well. How odd! and what a damning indictment of the current system.

I think that it is probably better to do it sooner rather than later both from the perspective that if you are noticing changes in your dd's personality, as we did with our ds,it would be better to try HE before any potential problems become deep-rooted and harder to reverse, and also because the younger they are the easier it is to provide an adequate education which will give you time to test out the concept of HE and if you think it is right for your dd, get into a comfortable routine before you have to start tackling more difficult subjects at secondary level.
I can't think of anything I would have particularly changed with hindsight, except perhaps that I should have followed my instincts a bit sooner and started HE earlier, but my dh initially wasn't keen on the idea { the amount of teachers we met at the local HE group did go some way to reassuring him that there was merit in the idea !}The one thing I am pleased I did was to follow the National Curriculum which helped reassure me I was more than keeping up with what he would have been doing at school and give him the option of easily opting back in if neccessary.Some HE parents prefer to take a more free-range approach - including a head teacher from our HE group - she was confident they would learn what they needed when they needed it - I didn't have that kind of confidence and needed a structure.

Thanks so much hullaballoo, where do you get the NC from? Do you get a copy from the LA?

I think that it is probably better to do it sooner rather than later, both from the perspective that if you are noticing changes in your dd's personality, as we did with our ds,it would be better to try HE before any potential problems become deep-rooted and harder to reverse, and also because the younger they are the easier it is to provide an adequate education, which will give you time to test out the concept of HE and if you think it is right for your dd, get into a comfortable routine before you have to start tackling more difficult subjects at secondary level.
I can't think of anything I would have particularly changed with hindsight, except perhaps that I should have followed my instincts a bit sooner and started HE earlier, but my dh initially wasn't keen on the idea - the amount of teachers we met at the local HE group did go some way to reassuring him that there was merit in the idea! The one thing I am pleased I did was to follow the National Curriculum which helped reassure me I was more than keeping up with what he would have been doing at school and give him the option of easily opting back in if neccessary.Some HE parents prefer to take a more free-range approach - including a head teacher from our HE group - she was confident they would learn what they needed when they needed it - I didn't have that kind of confidence and needed a structure.

Sorry for the duplicate posting.
You can download it from qca.org.uk and probably other places as well.We used study books from Coordination Group Publications {CGP}which follow the NC for each Key Stage which made things quite easy - they are well written and use a bit of humour to make things more fun. They are also not very expensive, especially if you register with them as a school and get school rates for their books.You can find them at www.cgpbooks.co.uk.

Sorkycake,

I know exactly how you feel, my dd (7) wasn't bullied or unhappy at school and was doing exceptionally well there, but after helping out in her class for two years and seeing how much work she was doing in class compared to the stuff we were just doing for fun evenings, weekends and holidays I had an overwhelming gut feeling that I HAD TO HE.
At first I felt sick, panicky and concerned that I was completely bonkers because it was just so against the 'norm' and everyone thought I was mad!

BUT.....

6 months after making that decision i wish I had done it sooner.
I have a much happier, stress free home (although very untidy ). And I'm have to be careful not to be too smug when telling my 'schoolie' friends how successful it is!

The amount of work my dd has produced with very little pressure and 'teaching' from me is amazing! And her self confidence has increased no end.
When you meet up with outher HE families all your fears are answered.
Incidentally someone I know wrote a thesis for his university degree on HE and he could find not one negative!!

Unless you count an untidy house!!

As for socialisation both my daughter and myself have many more friends now and she still sees her school friends too.

Go for it you wont regret it!!

No decision is set in stone.
You can decide to re-enter the school system at any time.
I haven't read all the replies, but if you are in England, you don't have to accept a visit from the LEA.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

I don't know if anyone has said this, but why don't you bear in mind that no decision to HE is permanent. So you've tried school, now you are trying HE, if that doesn't work you can always go back to school. I think sometimes it is easy to forget that when you are in the middle of big decisions. And she is so young - most children in Europe aren't even schooled yet.

oooh humph, snap! crssposrtede

Great minds, and all that, PPH!

I'm also surprised how many teachers do it, and say after teaching they'd never put their own kids through that 'torture!!'

That's a good point about re-entering school if it doesn't work out. Would it need to be a different school I wonder, might seem odd going back to the one we'll remove her from, or is that just me?
Would you view it as a failure if they went back to school? I suppose not if it's their choice to do so.
Good choice about the schools in Europe, poor Fillyjonk, in Wales I think, is HE'ing her 3yo isn't she?

Thanks for all the replies.

point not choice

Hi sorkycake! I am removing my 5 and 7 yr old dds at the end of term and it is terrifying me! I'm absolutely sure it's the right thing for dd2 who has never settled at school but dd1 is a different proposition, she's made the decision to leave but I think she's going to miss school. I'm just hoping that the personality change we have seen this year - tears, strops, moods - will fade away once she is out of the school environment, then I'll be sure I've done the right thing.
In your shoes I would go for it. I feel terribly guilty that I have put dd2 through 4 terms of misery in an attempt to "settle" her at school. If the girls return to school it will be to a different one.

Oh Kate, that has spoken straight to my heart. You've answered every concern/query right there. It's so hard until the penny drops isn't it?
The personality change is evident in my daughter too, but sometimes you don't see the wood for the trees,eh?
We know now it's absolutely the right decision to make and the advice I've received on here has given us the impetus to just do it.
When will you do 'the letter', before the holidays or after?

A big thanks to everyone who has offered their stories and experiences, it means a lot to me.

Hi sorkycake - I'm so pleased you feel more settled with your decision.I really think you will find it all easier than you think and that hopefully the whole family will be happier for it.
And KateF try not to worry too much, I know exactly how you feel - on my ds's first day of HE I thought 'what on earth have I done' but we very quickly settled into a routine and have never looked back.
I'm sure you will both get lots of support if you need it, on MN. So well done for making the decision and here's to a school-free,less stressful 2007 !

I'll give the letter in on the last day of term. It's lovely to know that others are on the same journey-lets meet up here now and then to swap news .

kateF, I haven't read all the thread, so don't know if anyone has pointed out the Education Otherwise website . It's well worth joining, and the website is a mine of information.
There are also several HE lists on Yahoo, which are great to join as news of activities and meet-ups get posted there, as well as other interesting HE info.
Good luck with HE - I found it a terrifying prospect, but I can honestly say it is the best decision we ever made - for all our family.

Sorky,

My ds's last day at school is tomorrow and I am also terrified. My reasons for taking ds (5.5) out of school are pretty much identical to yours. I do have other issues, relating to my youngest ds (2.5) and how that has affected family dynamics. That has led me to believe that I need to get my family back on the right track before ds1 is old enough to remeber the more strained times. Plus, he really isn't that bothered about school, more his friends. I also found that he is like a sponge and he learns more in evenings or weekends of educational based fun than he does in almost a month of school.

As scared as I am of the prospect, I am also looking forward to spending quality time with my boys and getting to rediscover ds1's real personality, not the mardy, mouthy boy he has turned into.