Homeschooling ASC

[Beckyr86]

I've already posted this under another topic but I'm hoping you can all give me some more advice, little man is seven and about to start year 3 in September, he is high functioning and attends mainstream school.
For the past 12 months he has been suffering severe anxiety about school which occasionally causes depression, I have decided to give him until Christmas and see how he goes but if he doesn't improve or gets any worse I will be taking him out of school and teaching him myself at home, I have been looking on line but the amount of information is overwhelming so I'm hoping some of you might be able to help, I think my main concern at the moment is that he won't be socialising with other children his age, anyway any info or advice would be great.

Ooooh, this will be such a wonderful gift to give him

Hi thanks for all that information, I have no idea if there are many groups in my area as I don't know anyone who home educates but I've found a local Facebook group that looks promising (just waiting to be added) I think child led learning would suit little man as he is obsessive about topics that interest him and he would love to learn everything he could about them but if he's not interested he can't concentrate and then usually has a meltdown, the more I'm reading the more certain I am that this is what's right for him.
I like what you said about him mixing with people that "get" him, I've noticed lately on the playground that he gets funny looks from mums and kids and it makes me really sad, anyway thank you again your post was very helpful

I agree with everything ommmward said. The book she recommended is excellent.

Just a word of advice. It's true that there are a lot of children with additional needs being home educated but people are people, whether they teach their children themselves or at schools, and there will always be judgy folk who have little tolerance for disability. You will encounter them everywhere you go, even in the HE community. It's not always as welcoming and supportive as we'd like and yes, it depends very much on the area where you live.

But the beauty of HE (among many!) is that you can cherry pick what suits you and your child and if one group doesn't hit the spot, you can try others. Plus, you are always there to support in real time so you can be watchful for situations that might be problematic, and help him to cope.

Also, as ommm has said, don't forget you can still join in with community activities - you're not restricted to HE only stuff, the wider groups are still there for you too.

One thing I always found very difficult in HE groups, as a parent of a child with autism and ADHD, is that in most cases there is no-one 'in charge' and there are no set rules. You can end up with lots of different ways of parenting and no 'right' or 'wrong' in interactions - this can be hard for children who need structure. We had some very unpleasant experiences with children who weren't given parental direction and expected to find their own way in social relationships. It doesn't always work. We did experience some bullying and it was hard to address because there wasn't anyone overseeing the activities that we could report it to. But that's just my experience and not meant as a suggestion that this will happen in your case - just something to be aware of.

Overall, HE is fabulous for children with autism and far better than most schools (especially in the current financial climate, budgets being reduced, less support available). I just don't want you to think that HE will be universally wonderful for your son because it still depends, to a degree, on the other folk you come into contact with.

Yes, streakybacon is totally right. It did take us a while to find like-minded people to spend time with - we did not really fit in with the "hippy" home educators, or with the evangelical Christian ones, and then eventually we found a community with lots of special needs children in the mix, and had found our gang. One woman wept with relief the first time she came to our group

Thank you both I've certainly got a lot of things to consider, I don't think it would really matter if it took us a while to find a group were we fit, I think a break from other children would actually do him some good to start with, can I ask how schools usually respond when you want to take a child out?

It varies. Some schools are wonderfully supportive, even to the extent of advising on curriculum and giving out resources, and offering advice if required. My son's HT escorted us off the premises in silence (and disgrace) and immediately destroyed his school records, but we were a very 'special' case .

Have you come across Ed Yourself ? It's a great site, all things HE are there, including legislation, advice on SN and links to local contacts. Worth a brows if you've got an hour or five .

It doesn't really matter what the school thinks.

You send a letter instead of the child saying with the official deregistration info in it (which you'll find on the EdYourself site that Streaky linked to, and various other places online), and they have the legal responsibility for being in touch with the council.

If they are nice, you might tell them in advance, so your son can go in and say goodbye to his class.
If it's all been horrible, then just post it with registered mail so you have proof of delivery, never send him again, and turn your mobile phone off ;)

We have recently stopped sending our Dd with Asd to school, she is nearly 13 and has always hated it. We have tried 3 different schools but they all hadthe same issues for her.

We texted them every day for the last half term to say she was too anxious to attend school, we havent formally de registered her yet but they dont seem bothered at all! I think us removing our amazing children is just what the schools want actually! It saves them money and hassle and in our case is one less set of moany parents to deal with!!

Good luck whatever you decide to do

HEing ds for year 3 was the best year of my life since diagnosis. DS also says that it has been his best year ever, though the path we have taken has meant that thankfully he has never actually suffered much in school (just wasted his time).

The thing about year 3 too, is that for most schools it is a year for consolidation which means that his chronologically aged peers will make less overall progress, giving your child time to catch-up if you are planning on following a school curriculum.

The unexpected side effect of HEing for ds was that his social skills improved dramatically and so did his language skills.

This is because of the 1:1 nature of education and because he was able to attend more mainstream groups due to the fact that he wasn't too exhausted by surviving all day in school, and these groups, even the after school groups were much more willing to listen to parents about what ds would need for it to be a success and less of a problem to them than any school has been.

Have a friend who home schooled ds with Aspergers from about 12 due to high anxiety. Worked so well. He was very bright but had to work at his own pace and got very agitated in school if a task was incomplete and teacher wanted to move on. He also hated others touching his things and took all school rules so seriously he was in a state of high alert at all times.At home he could finished he was ready. He loved music so for social and hobby purposes he played with a band, did lots of lessons and met with cousins and friends children. He did well and was happy. He had an online tutor and that suited him as he loved working on computer and assignments went in when he was ready. In school he had been constantly rubbing out as nothing met his high standards so that added to stress.He had siblings and he got on so well they homeschool them too although they had no difficulties.

Ds2 has asperger's and has always quite enjoyed school (in primary at least) - enjoyed the structure and the attention of adults for example. However when we took him out in Year 8 after one not very successful year of secondary when it was obvious he was falling behind academically AND not making any friends (sucks to socialisation in school I've often thought about whether it would have suited him to be have been home edded from a much earlier age. I think I would probably have had to approach his learning in a different way, much less school stuff, much more handson learning and just being out and about with other children in parks meetups etc, visits to museums in Home Ed workshops etc. I think he would have thrived on all that, BUT I would have to accepted a different way of life and embraced it - when I suppose I was pretty much used to having time to myself in the day from 3 demanding kids. So first, you need to imagine yourself with responsibility for your child all day every day.

Next I second what Streaky said about inclusion. I've found everyone very warm and welcoming and the mixed age range also suited my son's needs much better (for example he found it easier to get on with children a bit younger than him and they loved him too ) BUT there were times where I was having to very actively supervise when of course some people might say the ideal was that your child became independent and joined in games without adults making rules. NOW he can do it really well, but at 7 I think he might have found it difficult for all sorts of reasons, getting angry when the wrong game was played with the wrong rules or thought someone was being mean to him etc. So again, you have to accept a certain extra amount of stress when you are socialising, or a good bit more preparation arranging playdates etc.

Ds2 has loved his year, loved meeting people, enjoyed being free enjoyed escaping from classroom stress.

We are sending him back this year to school with extra support in place and to the right school I hope, but we have learnt a lot about what he enjoys and finds difficult by actually spending lots more time with him.