Feel like I'm missing something?

[Thinking2014]

We went to the shops today but DD was continually being rude so Ive said she will not be having any treats/computer games today.

I'm also wondering how every home ed parent I speak to seems to have eager to learn children who are learning about space travel or asking to be taught algebra or write a perfect essay on Shakespeare's best plays...is it just me? Because my DD refuses to do anything that resembles work & so far has only made random things....play...watch TV....and right now she's written her own song...but when I said I'd help correct her spellings she groaned and looked as though I'd told her to write her corrections out 5 times...I keep telling myself its too early to judge & maybe its because we haven't really been "out out" (the lack of a car is abit of a problem) but I don't know where to take her, she hasn't expressed any wish to go anywhere yet...oh apart from a factory where they make dolls... I guess we could start a project about the making of dolls...but I know she'll lose interest because its too much like "work"

And her constant rudeness/lack of respect (which incidentally she had for teachers etc) is making me wonder (again) if I haven't made a mistake here!

Some encouraging words of wisdom from other home edders please!

Hello Thinking.

Sorry to worry you, but my dd is like this too and has got worse since h.ed
The only thing I can recommend with the behaviour is to continue being firm as you are.

Correct me if I'm wrong but did you say you were trying an autonomous approach? If so, it is early days for her to be thinking of things to do and self motivating.
We tried to do as you are and it didn't work for our dd, even though I would have preferred to take this approach.
It is worrying and I'm sorry I have no words of wisdom for you, but wanted to know you aren't alone.

Is your dd doing any writing at all, even a diary or journal for her to use will cover some English skills.
Also, don't forget its amazing what they pick up from tv and if you have some resources handy that they can then take the subject further.
DD likes Dick and Dom a science programme, when she started reading her book today (this is all I can get her to do with science) she announced Oh I know all about Newton, it was on tv. So she read around the subject to learn more.
So tv can teach quite a bit.

Hmm, I suspect that when you get to know the parents of these perfect children a bit better you'll see that they're putting a spin on any vaguely academic thing their child has picked up.
'Tarquin adores Shakespeare' can mean 'We watched the Leonardo de Caprio version of Romeo and Juliet at the weekend and he liked the fight scenes'
You get quite good at it after a bit, we're enjoying Greek myths at the moment but that mainly means working out who has shagged who to create which hero and designing our own monsters. Some of the detail will go in, some of it won't. You get fairly relaxed about it, because actually very little of the detail matters.
I have a group of lovely HE mum friends who I've known a few years now. Much of our conversation involves us rocking in a corner muttering, 'He's 15 and still won't use punctuation!'
We weren't nearly that honest with each other at the beginning.

I'd concentrate on the rudeness I think and just let her be academically.
Remind me how old she is?

I think that with it being early days your dd has got your roles mixed up tbh.
I know that my dd was like this with her work and still can be to a certain extent.
She doesn't like me correcting her work and rolls her eyes when I mark her maths books.
At the end of the day you are not only her mum but her teacher as well.
Could you maybe do a bit of role play, make her the teacher and you the child. get her to tell you what subjects you are to learn and get her to teach you something.

Has she had a chance to recover from school yet? (can't remember if she was in school before). If not - it's usually recommended as a rule of thumb to allow a month for every year the child was in school, assuming school wasn't traumatic.

After that time you can start looking at whether she's learning anything. It really does take some time for children to recover from being on someone else's agenda for so much of the day.

It's different for people like me whose children haven't been to school - they just haven't lost that toddler curiosity about everything, and they don't have any sense of "learning" as being something frightening or boring (which, let's face it, everyone who has been to school has experienced, even if only fleetingly). So that's partly why we come across as so relaxed, because we have had it easier.

Rudeness and lack of respect: hmmm. Mine have partly learned manners by osmosis (and I have also turned into my "what's the magic word?" mother). When we get "rude" behaviour (I'm trying to think what that might encompass- things like spitting that just aren't socially acceptable), I would tend to just say very straight and flat "we don't spit. It's rude". And then take my attention elsewhere for a bit (so it doesn't get rewarded with any kind of attention, negative or positive). Or "You've just told me to do five things without giving me time to do any of them. Slow down. Which one would you really like me to do" (often that kind of demandingness is more about lack of presence and concentration than anything).

DD is 8

Tbh I've started having trouble with her from about age 6+ might have something to do with the fact that she has twin 3 yo brothers but has never really got over the fact iyswim...

I am relieved to hear I'm not the only one tbh!

She does write occasionally...like her song she wrote today...and a summary of her holiday where she stuck photos down too...
I did wonder if some of the achievements weren't a little stretched

I guess I'll just concentrate on the rudeness and trying to establish respect... Not sure how but I'll try! any education that happens in the meantime will be a bonus....once I've crossed that hurdle I may have to rethink our approach re education style...maybe semi structured...

Thanks for all the support! Its very helpful!

ommmward we did have a month off for holiday (went abroad) but if its a month per year then she needs another 2 months! She didn't have any traumatic experience but school definitely numbed her thirst for knowledge & as you said she now sees learning as a chore.

I guess I need to de school myself too and just enjoy some time off & stop worrying about learning!

My son is very sensitive to criticism so I try to be as positive as possible about his work. If there are things to be corrected, I won't say anything, I'll just rewrite the word correctly myself pretending I need to use it in a letter or something. I do this in speech too, he sometimes gets tenses muddled so I'll repeat the sentence using the correct tense. More often than not, even if I do t think he's taking it in, he is, as he'll use the correct tense next time.
I would praise your daughter with her writing and if home ed is new, I would leave the spelling mistakes for now(or not mention them directly) as she will only focus on the negative rather than the positive.
Sorry if I'm stating the obvious!
Good luck with it all, I'm constantly having wobbles!

Take her to the doll factory. Don't even mention the possibility of doing a 'project' about it. If she seems to be doing something related to dolls during the days/weeks afterwards, pay very little attention. Don't make it something that has anything remotely to do with 'school work' or there being right or wrong things to do or ways to do them. Don't give her any impression that a trip to the doll factory is educational, it's just something she wants to do.

It might or might not make her want to do something else. But what is certain to make her not want to do anything is the feeling that she is being watched and judged and 'tested' on what she does. That's what the teachers do in school. That's what you and she need to get away from if this is going to be about her choosing how to learn. To begin with she has to not even realise that she is learning, until she can separate out 'learning' from 'being taught'. It may take a long time for that particular penny to drop, but it needs to be her brain that works it out, you can't explain it to her or make it happen by pushing.

The rudeness is a different issue - as an armchair psychologist, I'd guess she's pushing boundaries to make you prove you still love her, and to just plain get attention. Do the twins go to nursery or anything? Maybe some 'quality time' when she isn't having to fight for your attention would help, if that's feasible? But they all try it on to some extent around this age, just to see what happens.

A agree completely with AMumInScotland.

Thanks I'll take this all on board.

How do I arrange a trip to a doll factory exactly? Ha...

She actually made her own doll today using pipe cleaners and paper

We're working on the rudeness. Today hasn't been too bad. I think I just need to be firm with my punishments and not keep giving in!

Thanks for the help

Oh, I was assuming you actually had a doll factory nearby that was open to the public. Tricky otherwise!

Next best thing is YouTube! Type "doll factory" for some interesting videos. (I see that some of those videos are a bit TOO educational - specialist dolls for personal gratification if you catch my drift - so you'll want to supervise this activity!)

My dd is fascinated by manufacturing processes. Whenever she asks how something is made, YouTube is our first port of call! Sadly there are very few factories open to the public and many which do have tours restrict them to adults.

Ah, well I will look into it, I'll watch some clips first and save the safe ones thanks for the warning on that. I'm always (try to be) super vigilant about what my daughter watches on TV or PC...its so hard though...

I actually just saw a new Monster High advert on TV today for make up kit with young girls all dressed in short skirts, tons of make up and wigs on...I'm totally against that sort of thing for kids...rather baffled as to how its managed to become almost a normal thing now...its makes me question the kind of people who are meant to be regulating this sort if thing too but that's a whole other thread!

Haha....anyway...thanks, I'll see what I can dig up