When do you as a mum/dad who home eds actually get a break???.

[PassMeAPasty]

Hello, like a lot of newbies on here I am toying with the idea of home ed my DS (8) and my DD (3). My DS has behavioural issues since he started school at 4. We have discovered his behaviour is worse at term time and improved in the holidays. He suffers with anxiety. He is behind with his school work but thrives on a one to one basis.
My DD is currently at a pre school but is finding it extremely hard to settle and I frequently have to sit in on her visits due to anxiety.

I have lots of questions, worries, etc but one thing I have to ask is when do you get a break from your kids? Is it that you all have a good family network around you? Or do you not feel the need to be away from your children?

My parents and in laws are not in a position to step in and help or take the kids at any point. So I was wondering when I would fit in the weekly shop? Clean the house? Hair appointments for me? Christmas present shopping? Socialising with my friends or just simply a bit of me time? The thought of never being alone is quite scary!!

The forum has been great so far and I'm learning a lot. I just don't want to take the huge leap of de schooling my DS only to find I can't cope after 6 months.

I think some HE use childminders too and extra circ activities. Are you a single parent?

If i want it, hubby has the kids on a sunday morning when i go food shopping. That's my only break really and sometimes i want sunday for family time so i do the food shop with the kids. Food shopping is great for covering so many topics in one go, maths, writing, money, healthy eating, produce etc.

I do love the kids bedtime because i am normally exhausted but i dont feel a need to have a break from them. They are 5 and 3. I'm also a Rainbow leader so i have that once a week, dd comes with me as she is a rainbow and ds stays at home with hubby. I make friends with other people with kids so they go play while we have a cuppa.

Oh and we are also foster carers so that take up lots of time too. But give it 12-15 years and they could be gone and the house is empty i have all the time in the world then to focus on me.

No my DH works long hours and commutes quite a way every day too. So he leaves before the kids are up and gets back fairly late. He is very supportive of my interest in home ed. Personally I would like to keep our weekends as family time. I'm sure if I asked him to have the kids a couple of hours at the weekend he wouldn't mind.
At the moment weekends are filled with DS homework that he doesn't want to do and we are constantly nagging at him to do.

when do you get a break from your kids? Is it that you all have a good family network around you? Or do you not feel the need to be away from your children?

I work out of the house; I also have a hobby that I pursue on my own something like one evening a month. My OH gets alone time as well - it's just a matter of operating part of family life on a shift system.

So I was wondering when I would fit in the weekly shop?
Online. And then going to the supermarket with just a little list of things is fun for the children (and educational in all sorts of ways, as the previous poster said)

Clean the house?
I'm a slattern. Sometimes one of the children insists on us tidying and cleaning. Otherwise OH does bits when he thinks of it. there are much more important things than cleaning.

Hair appointments for me?

I used to use a lovely mobile hairdresser. At the moment my hair is long enough that I just get a friend to trim the bottom off when I think of it.

Christmas present shopping?
Seriously? That's what Amazon is for isn't it?!

Socialising with my friends or just simply a bit of me time?
I socialise with my friends All.The.Time. It's just that our children are in the vicinity. We meet often at places where the children will occupy themselves so we can chat (parks, HE meets, indoor play etc etc). And for the friends whose children are in school - we see them a lot at holidays and weekends

I took a while to decide to HE. I was very excited by knew I had to really talk with DD & OH to make sure we were ready & it was the right decision. We don't have anyone we can leave our kids with & we don't like to leave them with childminders ect.

I now do the weekly shop with my 3 (DD8 & 3yo twins) we make a meal plan for the week, write down a shopping list & I get the kids to help me around the shop. They enjoy it if you include them.

Cleaning the house has to be done as and when I can. I did think I'd have more time now....but seems not much has changed! Haha actually I'm a lot less stressed & pressed for time so I don't mind the cleaning & if you're lucky the kids might help too! (Try turn it into a game or competition)...

Hair appointments....haha...I've only been a handful of times, the last time I chopped my hair so short I haven't needed to go back! If I do though I arrange for either OH or close friends to come with and watch the kids.

Presents... I recently read a HE blog about this. What Ive decided is we're going to be on a budget this year so we're going for a more homemade/arts & crafts Xmas. The kids will always enjoy making than receiving (at least mine will!) & without the competitive school kids comparing what they got I hope mine won't feel hard done by! that's not to say I won't buy anything...but as someone else said, maybe Santa's presents at least will have to be delivered by amazon & I'll wrap it up when they've all gone to sleep!

Which BTW is my "me time" if the kids go to bed 'on time' I usually have enough time for a movie then bed which suits me fine also once a month I'll have a cheeky "movie night in" & invite a couple close friends over when the kids are asleep they bring the goods and I supply the film which is always nice for the kids because they get any treats we didn't eat (which is usually a lot!)

So I think I've covered everything really. I still socialise with my friends & try to go places (like the park) that mykids will enjoy too. I haven't met any HE families yet (but I'm only a few weeks in myself!) But I am planning things and keeping an eye on all events to see which we can travel to.

Hth

Hi
I'm a childminder and Home edder and foster carer. Thus I'm surrounded by children. They have to come with me on chores. They have to join in keeping the house safe and clean enough. They come to the dentist and the hairdreser. All of these can be learning experiences, including learning how to sit quietly and wait (often a neglected skill in children but self control should be taught along with how to climb a tree.)
I have to be flexible on what I expect for my "me" time. For example, I insist on being left alone for my morning shower but once I'm clean I will give the toilet a quick clean before I leave the bathroom. This week I had a 20min session when no one was around, I sat still and listened to the quiet (I suppose I meditated).

They should all be in bed by half eight but since they start getting up a ten past six, this is a long enough day for me and I tend to fall asleep in front of the tv as soon as the house gets quiet. I find it much worse when I have a cold etc and I fall asleep before the eldest go to bed.

I have dh and MIL but they can only look after our birth children. There are occasional weeks when I'm desperate for an hours break, but probably only twice a year. We go out all the time and I meet so many people and friends that I don't need to socialize separately. We have a sitter once a month to have a date night and we have an adults only holiday every 2 years, which keeps our marriage solid.
Then there are those magical days which happen once in a blue moon. Those rare days when all the mindees are off sick at once, dh is off work so he can do our kids and the sun is shinning. Those surprize days of peace are glorious and I always feel bouyed up and special.

Home eddding is a different way of life. You can become a family who does most things together and rather than being onerous this is a joy.

Thanks for your replies. I think I need to look at home ed as a new way of life. Inevitably, things will need to change hopefully for the better.
Having mentioned the idea to family/friends I have come up to quite a bit of negativity! They think it will be too much for me to take on. Did anyone else come up against this?

It's well worth getting yourself linked into the local HE networks before you take the plunge. THen you can name drop the lovely HEers who are giving you all sorts of advice, and talk about the groups and classes and activities you could join - that makes it less of a negative (take child OUT of school) and more of a positive (join the amazing HE community near you).

PassMeAPastry I received negative comments, a look back on some threads here and you might spot it! But I just came back from a holiday at the in laws and they all had only negative input....I brush it off. I know I'm doing the right thing, so their input is irrelevant.

Yes my MIL always says I'm taking on too much. But she says that about everything I do (childminding, school governor{yes, boo, hiss, traitor}, fostering, the housework, caring for hubby, caring for kids, daily physio needed by sen child, recently adopted cats who have turned out to need lots of meds and of course home edding). I think it says more about her choice to be a sahm and who sent her boys to boarding school. Perhaps there are some regrets in there for her.
She makes the odd comment but after 2 years is now fairly quiet on the topic. Originally I tried to engage her by arranging a few hours a week to do cookery/crafts/history at her house. But when I tried to tie her down to a time I was told "I do have a life as well you know" (she's retired and we could do practically any time to suit her). Dh would prefer ds to be in school but has gone along with HE.
Some friends were rude at the start but now we've been at it some time and ds has changed into a polite and knowledgeable charecter. Now we get compliments and congratulations.
I love going into great detail about HE when people question me on it. It is one of my little pleasures watching their faces go from incredulous/scathing to completely bored and thoroughly educated on the subject. Works for me!

Very little time I'm afraid. Depends on your support network and family too I think and how much your dh works (or whoever is the working partner).

I spend more time trying to facilitate the 'socialisation' aspect and ferrying the DC about every day of the week. It's very easy to become isolated Once a month HE meet here and some ad hoc stuff, (and we're near a big city!) it's just not enough in my opinion.

Hello OP

I tend to not have a lot of breaks from dd, but am fortunate that dh works at home quite a lot. He is able to help with H. ed and usually does the music stuff during the morning.

This time I use to do any housework, prep tea, that sort of thing.

DD usually comes to the hairdressers and appointments with me as she is older. If they are personal she stays with dh and we arrange it the same as if we would anything else.

I get time to myself when she has gone to bed or if she is at three of her activities. The other one I have to stay, but have a chat to other parents etc.

I think the free time aspect is the same as if you both work during the week and there are things to do at night or weekend.
You both tend to share and have some time for yourself as well, in many cases.

What I have found is you can't tell them to shut up, change the subject, or ask their teacher etc, if they decide to start asking questions at midnight. It is your job then to educate them

morethanpotatoes Noooo! Don't say that! Soon as my DD hits the pillow then suddenly she's full of questions and ideas! She won't talk to me during the day but at bedtime (my time! ) that's when she wants to know?! haha guess I'll just have to rethink my "me time"