Stop bloody asking me WHEN DCs going to school! shes HE'd and that it!

[AnyoneForTARDIS]

Need a rant.

as SOON as I say DCs HED I get ''oh is she ever going to school then?''

why? apart from the fact its non of your bloody business, shes not left out or isolated in any way, she has a good social life (shes just turned teen and had special needs) with a couple of small group clubs plus other friends, we tried infant/junior school and she couldn't cope because of her medical problens, nor could the school because THEY couldn't cope with her (a special needs school at that), tried a couple more places and same story, she spent more time at home and doctors/hospital anyway than there, and now, shes very very very happy now and works so well with HE, Im less stressed and we can do things when shes up to it, what she can handle, wether its one hour one day or 4 hours another day, ....

do people thhink HEd kids are thick/prisoners/have cruel parents for ''isolating'' them (their words).

MY child, I know her better than you who couldn't give a flick anyway,
you can see shes much happier and relaxed... aaaarrrggghhhh!

If I had a penny for that question as well as the ''doesn't she have a social life then'' id be on a private island in the carribean with my yatch in my private harbour while I sip cocktails overlooking from my vast balcony on mansion!!!!!!!!!

any good retorts anyone for those questions?

ive tried the kind way, the 'nbodys business' way, .......

Good God, are you really that surprised that people ask you?

Why can't you just say that she is HE and you don't know if she will ever go to mainstream school. People will think it is odd because it is unusual. You could just make a joke and say that you prefer to have a governess.

Superene

Yes, many H. ed parents would be surprised at hearing this even though it isn't the default for educating children like school is.

To me its presumption at the best and disrespectful too.
It presumes the child will need/ want to go to school and could be suggesting school is the correct/ only way to gain an education.

Wouldn't you be surprised if somebody asked when your children were going to receive a h. education?

Most people in the UK go to school.
Quite a few people don't realise that HE is an option.
Quite a few people have heard of HE, but never thought about it, as they don't know anything about HE except for reading some scandal about religious fanatics in the US.

I think it is a good idea for every HE family to be as reasonable, friendly, open, and communicative about what they do as possible. This will improve the street-cred of HE families, and dispel some of the prejudice.

No one has ever been rude or judgemental to me about my HE kids, though, so I have been spared some of this irritation.

I always am reasonable, friendly and open in real life when explaining our choice to HE. There can be moments, though, when it's nice to let off steam anonymously on the internet - it can be a bit wearing being the poster girl for HE all the time, yk?

YY Ommmward ! thanks.

what gets me is when DC did go to school she had even less of a social life as she couldn't join in with anything due to her problems so felt left out at the best of times.she was very unhappy and I was very stressed because of what she was going through, and dint find out till nearly end of junior school that I could in fact HE.

people knew this yet didn't say anything, they just seemt o think if a child is HEd theyre virtually a prisoner and completely cut off from the rest of the world.

I would have HED from the start if Id have known and I recommend it to anyone whose children are struggling with various problems at school.

People get so tied up by this thinking they have to go into details. Just stick you 'it suits us at the moment' and repeat as necessary e.g. 'Will they ever go to school?'- 'Who knows- it suits us at the moment' etc

Delph yes I think you're right, even when they give you the Spanish inquisition.

People are very intrusive with lots of questions e.g 'are you having another baby? ' 'Don't you think they will be damaged by boarding school? ''It can't be healthy feeding then a vegetarian diet' etc etc etc- you really don't have to do more than smile, nod, ignore and stick to one standard sentence. 'It suits us at the moment' covers all eventualities.

People are brought up to be too polite and think that if someone asks a question they have to answer it truthfully and in detail!
Some people are just making conversation, some think you are in the wrong and have a point to make, some have a genuine interest- but you really don't have to engage if you don't want to!

I don't HE but have looked into it as a possibility; I personally know a lot of parents who HE who had at least one child eventually go to school. I wouldn't assume it to be the case as I certainly wouldn't ask, but perhaps this is why some people do?

People ask those things. DS2 was tall and mature for his age- people were always asking why he wasn't at school when he simply wasn't old enough. No point in getting upset.

think I get it more cos DCs got severe learning difficulties and Im obviously not capable of teaching her basic education even though they know Im a qualified teacher AND have taught sn children for years.

Ive got enough on my plate with 24/7 care for DC without the judging and criticising.

I know I shouldn't let it get to me and it really isn't anyone elses business, but its hard when Im trying my best and in all modesty I think Im doing a pretty good job where others failed, yet never get an ounce of encouragement.

that sounds like im attention seeking/asking for a medal or something, it really isn't like that, I admire everyone who teaches their children, and teachers in schools too, but itd be nice if someone threw me a bone once in a blue moon!

(and yes, had it again today, put on my panto smile and thanked them for taking such an interest in our lives, and are they asking because theyd be interested in Heing their child?. that stopped them!)

I think this is the problem the judging and criticising, not always outwardly but in the tone of voice.
We don't mind answering peoples question and realise that some are genuinely interested.
Atm, dd is always being asked what she is going to do about senior school as she would go next year. Fair enough if phrased like that, or have you decided .... It's comments like when are you going to school.

One woman who we know quite well, happens to be an authority figure to dd told her to go to school and let mum do something
Like I'm not doing anything atm and that anything could be better than H.edding our dd. I was that gob smacked I couldn't speak.
Some people are just unbelievable.