Stop bloody asking me WHEN DCs going to school! shes HE'd and that it!

[AnyoneForTARDIS]

Need a rant.

as SOON as I say DCs HED I get ''oh is she ever going to school then?''

why? apart from the fact its non of your bloody business, shes not left out or isolated in any way, she has a good social life (shes just turned teen and had special needs) with a couple of small group clubs plus other friends, we tried infant/junior school and she couldn't cope because of her medical problens, nor could the school because THEY couldn't cope with her (a special needs school at that), tried a couple more places and same story, she spent more time at home and doctors/hospital anyway than there, and now, shes very very very happy now and works so well with HE, Im less stressed and we can do things when shes up to it, what she can handle, wether its one hour one day or 4 hours another day, ....

do people thhink HEd kids are thick/prisoners/have cruel parents for ''isolating'' them (their words).

MY child, I know her better than you who couldn't give a flick anyway,
you can see shes much happier and relaxed... aaaarrrggghhhh!

If I had a penny for that question as well as the ''doesn't she have a social life then'' id be on a private island in the carribean with my yatch in my private harbour while I sip cocktails overlooking from my vast balcony on mansion!!!!!!!!!

any good retorts anyone for those questions?

ive tried the kind way, the 'nbodys business' way, .......

Thinking-does your child have a statement?

Speaking as an outsider, I imagine people wonder if they'll go to school for GCSEs or for sixth form. YAB a bit U.

Friends home edded daughter turned 13 and asked to go to school.

She's coping well but the teachers keep trying to fit a square peg into a round hole

AnyoneforTARDIS I'm feeling your anger!! I know our personal situations are slightly different but I too homeschool and have done for the past 10 years. I have found people round my own age (40ish) are ok with the whole home-ed ethos but 50+ seem to have a hard time saying anything constructive or complementary! My worst critics happen to be my parents so on a weekly basis I still find I have to defend my decisions and prove myself to be capable. Even now my eldest boy started university this week, they still can't pat me on the back and say job well done! So 'I'd love' to say you'll stop cringing one day when people ask why your daughters not at school but unfortunately I don't think you ever will!!

Hakluyt By statement...do you mean the ed Phil? I've only got a draft written.

I know school itself is not compulsory but education is.

today DC wasn't feeling well but managed 2 pages of writing practice.

I just love working at our pace, when and if shes okay (shes ill a lot because of her condition yet still manages more at home).
and because shes been lying down on sofa most of the day shes got her education today from the discovery channels, Something Special, Horrible Histories, etc.

Thinking- no, I meant does your dd have a statement of SEN. Or is she for some reason under more statutory scrutiny than most children?

I think if you have the energy to give a thoughtful, friendly response, it does a bit to make people more aware of HE, and more interested in it, in a positive way. That is worth doing.

I have to say that I haven't been grilled by rude people, but have generally found that people are sometimes intrigued, sometimes very naive.

Hakluyt oh! No I took her out of school because I wasn't happy with many different aspects (and she wasnt happy at all either) but no she doesn't need any special help or attention etc.

If that's the case, Thinking- why are the LEA making it difficult for you? They certainly shouldn't be.

Hakluyt oh no sorry if I gave that impression, I'm still waiting to hear from them but I'm expecting the worst tbh!

Do you want to say why you're expecting the worst? What is the worst?

Tell me to go away if I'm being intrusive.

Hakluyt just from experience of people in these sorts of jobs & from what I've read I guess.

Thinking

Our LEA have been brilliant and the H.ed liaison is a H.edder and volunteers for the role.
This may be a way forward for you if your LEA are a problem.
There are posters here who are very good at assisting others, so if you do experience any problems start a thread and I know they'll help.

Anybody know what Trafford LEA are like? I hoping they are ok, working on the assumption they will be too busy sorting out places for the none selective schools Hoping to move their soon, so wondering whether to inform them or stay under the radar.
I wonder if you can be fined for not informing them when you move to the area?

I have to admit the GCSE and A level question is one that I always wonder / long to ask. Mainly because it is what put me off H.Eding. Much as I loved the idea of teaching the kids to read, write etc, the thought of having to do GCSE geography again brought me out in a cold sweat.

I know it is a long way off (see my user name) but I'm a planner - I need to have a plan.

Mumoftwoyoungkids, you could plan that if a better plan doesn't appear by the time your older child reaches 14, you'll send him or her to school to do GCSEs. I would bet good money that by that time, continuing with HE will seem less daunting than it now does. But having a fallback plan might help you sleep easier at night in the meantime.

Saracen I worry though that having kept them off school until then, to throw them into secondary school "cold" would be really hard. If I was starting then I'd want to finish.

As it happens things have changed and my "square peg" 2 year old has grown up to be a slightly quirky but very sociable 4 year old who is settling really well into reception.

H Ed would require a lot of sacrifices as I currently WOTH (admittedly very part time) and do occasionally rather like my job. So it is currently plan D for us. (Plan A is her current state primary, Plan B is the other nice local primary and Plan C the rather nice private school down the road.)

Unless you ask my husband in which case "we have chosen a lovely school for her - there is no point worrying about things that probably won't happen". I sometimes wonder about our compatibility.

I don't even HE but I find it irritating. One of DS's friends is one if five boys, all home schooled for no reason other than that their mother wants to. Good enough for me!

In what sense would they be going in cold if they start school aged 14? I'm not being flippant, this is a genuine question. I've known many HE children start school or college for the first time in their teens. It doesn't seem to be a problem... except in the case of those children who were never going to be happy at school anyway, in which case sending them earlier wouldn't have helped, it only would have meant spending even more years in an unsuitable environment.

I think the difficulty of starting school without recent prior experience of school is overestimated. It's true that many four year olds do find starting school a huge challenge, but I'd argue that this is because school can be a poor fit for children that age as it requires them to do things they may not be able to do yet. It is easier for older children.

But as HE is only plan D for your family and you haven't yet exhausted plans A-C, this is probably a moot point for you! I'm glad to hear your four year old is adjusting to Reception better than you had feared. That is great news. It's always good when plan A works!

Yes, I don't think the "going in cold" should be a worry. They will have mixed with loads of kids by then- and many of them will be going to school (if you do it right! ) so they will be well prepared!

I have a friend who was HE and didn't sit GCSEs. She's bright, articulate and all the rest. I think she did have problems convincing employers of her ability to fit the role and eventually got a job by doing a free work placement. She's spent the last few years working and travelling abroad and never seems to have struggled finding a job to support herself.

I guess because my memory of secondary school is a place with an enormous amount of unspoken rules and if you started at 14 you wouldn't know these rules and all your peer group would.

I currently do a job where you require a degree and many years of post graduate study so for me not doing GCSEs would be very limiting.

Saracen Thanks for the best wishes for dd - I've been amazed how well she's settled. She's even had a party invite!

"secondary school is a place with an enormous amount of unspoken rules"

Yes, I think that's very true. Kids with good social radar pick these things up rapidly. They observe the behaviours of the popular kids. They notice who gets pushed out and why. If they put a foot wrong they immediately get feedback that they've made a mistake and adjust their behaviour accordingly. By contrast, kids without good social radar, and those who simply don't care what anybody thinks of them, are bound to be somewhat unpopular at high school. That can't be fixed by sending them to school younger.

I'm pushing the idea here that you don't have to have your kids' entire academic career mapped out from the beginning. It's quite possible to change to a different educational setting (e.g. HE to school, or school to HE) later on if that makes sense.

"I currently do a job where you require a degree and many years of post graduate study so for me not doing GCSEs would be very limiting."

It's the same for me: the idea of not going to university would have been unthinkable. Nearly all of the jobs that appeal to me require a strong academic background.

However, our children are not always made in our image and it's worth bearing in mind that they'll have their own ambitions which may be very different to ours. My older daughter is very hands-on. She's fairly certain that she won't go to university and at the moment even college looks unlikely. My younger daughter has learning difficulties which may make GCSE-level qualifications unattainable.

Letting go of what I expected them to do and shifting my attention to what they actually want and need has been a wrench, but I could not do otherwise.