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Home ed

Find advice from other parents on our Homeschool forum. You may also find our round up of the best online learning resources useful.

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Original poster

Problems with school & considering HE. Help!

18 replies

McSal · 15/09/2006 12:01

Hi everyone. I'm new here and need someone to talk to. Daughter, 5, just in Yr1 and problems getting her to go in. Today we were very late and were told off by the Head. They try to take the children from you at the front door, crying or whatever. Seems barbaric. DD was worried about some people coming on Fridays to hear the children read. Told me they were strangers (an older couple who help) and she's afraid of strange men. Headteacher chastised me for telling DD that it was okay, she wouldn't be forced to read today. She's actually the best reader in her clas, it's not the reading that's worrying her, but the 'stranger'.

Also, new Yr1 teacher cold and unwelcoming. Lot of parents unhappy. Thinking I should take the plunge and HE but apprehensive of finances, intensity of situation, fact that she's an only child and is very sociable. Wonder if I'll cope! People keep telling me not to do it. Mad that everyone just accepts school is like a god.
Any advice? Please?

OP posts:

anniediv · 15/09/2006 12:03

If other parents feel the same, might it not be worth arranging a meeting with the school? Or else giving it bit longer to see if things settle down, as term has only just started.

HumphreyCushion · 15/09/2006 12:06

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster

McSal · 15/09/2006 12:07

Yeah, you're probably right.

OP posts:

Original poster

McSal · 15/09/2006 12:12

Hi HumphreyCushion! Thanks. People who HE like yourself are an inspiration to me. I'm a qualified primary teacher myself so it's not the work aspect that scares me - she learns like a sponge anyway. We would have a very intense relationship with her being the only child and also my partner (her dad) runs his business from home! Bit busy and noisy for him maybe...

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redshoes · 15/09/2006 14:11

Maybe you would meet (through EO?) someone with a similar aged dd and you could do swaps? That would give you and your dd a 'break' from each other/change of scene...
It's ironic - I am put off HE because I have 4 kids and think I wouldn't be able to focus enough on each!!!

bubblepop · 15/09/2006 14:19

have you thought about changing schools?

Original poster

McSal · 15/09/2006 14:42

Hi Redshoes - yeah, I know there is an HE group here in Southampton so that may well be possible. I'm trying to get in touch with them. With 4, wouldn't they just learn from each other?! I envy you.

Hi Bubblepop - I have thought about changing schools and there is a smaller primary nearby which I may well visit. Big upheaval for her though. Think they might be more 'emotionally literate' over there, which would be very welcome!

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Twinklea · 15/09/2006 16:52

I recently started considering removing 1 of my girls from school and home schooling too, because the school have been difficult from the start. Throughout reception they manhandled her, punished her for things she didnt do, had her in tears, wouldnt let her do PE on occasions for some minor thing like once she didnt say thank you to the child who held a door open for her! She has behavioural problems, which we were recently told is aspergers but shes too young to do much yet, and that i'm doing a great job with her.

For me the problem would be that my 4yr old would want to be HE aswell with her sister, but my 4yr olds actually very confident and happy in reception at the moment, and i think shes better off there for now atleast. My 5yr olds got an incredible thirst for learning and her maths compared to others her age is amazing. I think people who HE are amazing really, because making that final decision scares the hell out of me to be honest!!

lenny101 · 15/09/2006 16:59

I've just read a brilliant book "Free Range Education - How HE Works" by Terri Dowty. Gives practical information (the law etc) as well as first hand accounts of education children at home. Seriously considering it myself. Hope it helps.

Pastarito · 15/09/2006 17:45

MCSal and Twinkle, you could be describing my experience with DS1 exactly.

One problem is that the transition between reception and year 1 can be really difficult. Ds1 was unable to cope with the transition, despite being a bright little chap, and the school was inflexible, unhelpful and bad and communicating with parents. We have since changed school due to a house move and I can't tell you how different both of my children have been since the move - so much happier. The new school is much kinder and it seems to help.

Original poster

McSal · 15/09/2006 19:53

Twinklea - yes, I can relate to the thing you say about the school 'manhandling' your daughter. I've been in to help (because I'm nosy) and have seen 4 yr olds physically forced to do things eg stay in a room/go into the assembly hall with 280 people in it, etc, against their will. Also this thing in the mornings is getting really distressing now, where TAs are physically removing clinging children from their parents. They seem to have a belief that children need to be broken in by force and that then they will comply.

Thanks 101 for the book recommendation. Will look it out. Have read John Holt already for my teacher training, and also some Steiner books, but nothing specifically on HE.

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Twinklea · 16/09/2006 17:17

What really annoyed me was that my ex and i went to a meeting at the school about how our daughter was being treated, to discover that they had obviously got together at lunchtime to collaborate their stories. My daughter was called a liar about being made to go out in the cold to play and left there alone, unsupervised, because they insisted she play because it took an hour to eat her lunch. I was fuming, to have the deputy head turn to me, insist my daughter be at the table while we spoke about this, and say that 'normal children dont take an hour to eat', she moaned that my girl hates playing out in the cold (so do i and i'm an adult!). In the end the dh said 'if u arent happy there are plenty of other schools u can send her too'. It was constant. every week she was punished for something minor, once for standing on a spider, once for accidentally dropping something she was tidying away, for not wanting to go out to play, etc. To complain i had to go to the head, then chair of govs, then the ed welfare officer was prepared to step in. I'm not liked by staff as it is because i'm 1 of few parents who will question their every move if it upsets my kids. To be honest

I have so many problems with the school i dont know where to begin, but i also think taking my kids out will mean the school just keep treating kids badly, especially the more challenging ones, because they have no experience working with them and dont seem to have time to get a little information either.

Original poster

McSal · 16/09/2006 17:34

Twinklea - that sounds dreadful, but I can quite believe it. The Head at my daughter's school told me that I needed to 'take control' of her now, otherwise what would she be like as a teenager! It's not that she misbehaves at school, she's worked out already that to avoid trouble you keep your head down, but she has emotional upsets getting ready and going in in the mornings. What doesn't help is that her teacher doesn't welcome the children, or even greet them when they arrive, she's usually sorting work out and barely notices them. I thought it would be a prerequisite of the job that you had to vaguely like children....

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Original poster

McSal · 16/09/2006 17:40

Sorry also meant to say yes, there are so few parents who have the bottle to go in and make a complaint. It feels as if we're being naughty! But when lots of parents are talking about a thing, then it's obvious that something is wrong and should be said. My partner finds it astounding that there are no proper channels for feedback/suggestions/complaints from the parents. Any business or other organisation has these. They could hold meetings or have a comments box or something! It would be good if it could be anonymous!

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redshoes · 16/09/2006 22:29

Twinklea your poor dd. You can't leave her there! they are picking on her.

Original poster

McSal · 17/09/2006 20:28

Yes, I agree with Redshoes. Especially if she has Asperger's - they should make allowances for that. I don't believe that any child is deliberately disobedient anyway - there's always an explanation eg misunderstanding, mistake, unable to focus on what's being said because so much is going on at once, or even when they do do something purely to seek attention, the reason will be there somewhere - eg lack of loving attention from parents, etc. Punishment doesn't ever work anyway, it just lowers self-esteem which makes things worse. I think teachers are often scared of losing control and how it will look as if they can't do their job, so they get stressed and shout and issue punishments rather than seeing the big picture and working out what that particular child needs.

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Tinwhistle · 19/09/2006 15:57

Argh! McSal, we have home educated our nearly 10 year old for all but 6 months of her school life until this new year when she asked to go to school as she is lonely (she is an only child too) and she is being lied about, they are collaborating stories JUST like you have described, all rather than doing something about the bullying and stealing she is being subjected to as she is new.

I wish you all luck with home ed, we have been really happy with it and I would be more than happy to continue but I don't drive and finding friends for my DD (she is soooo sociable too) has proven to be too hard for me.

Twinklea · 24/09/2006 21:27

I have to say, so far my daughters happy. Her new teacher is very old but so happy and full of life when i go in in the mornings, shes smiling at the end of the day, and actually makes me feel like its ok to ask her anything about my daughter. I suspect its largely to do with me spending a year picking up every little thing the school did though. The main problem was that they did what they wanted, my daughter would tell me about it that night, but the next day she forgets. I know shes getting some extra help with her social skills now too, although i feel its a bit insulting. Its almost like they are saying i dont teach her these things. When the opposite is true. I have 4 kids, so i HAVE to teach them to get along. I have to admit, i'm not a saint. at times i get really stressed out and frustrated with how she behaves. I have to remind myself that shes a bit like a 2yr old. does things without thinking and just doesnt understand rules, punishment, or consequence of actions. I do know that the school has only had 1 other child with aspergers, and he didnt stay long. All the other children with problems are either dyslexic, dyspraxic, or just very naughty and hard to control.

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