How do you 'do it all'?

[MistletoeBUTNOwine]

Had a row a heated discussion with dp today. He obviously doesn't like the way I'm home educating dd (from a prev relationship) and was complaining that I'm 'dragging DS (4m) from pillar to post' meaning we meet up with other HE 'rs a few times a week, go for cups of tea all the time and hasn't seen any evidence of dd being educated. Dd is mainly collecting snails, researching them on the internet, changing habitats etc, plus minecraft and making loom band bracelets. Dd is 8. He also complains the house is a mess, which I don't think it is, I make an effort to tidy up for him! He knew I was messy before we moved in together- it's nothing new! Also I'm not doing much cooking wise especially evening meals, partly because I don't much like cooking, I'm uninspired. I did suggest he have me a list of approved activities and people we were allowed to associate with so I could tell him where to bloody shove it.
He's stressed because he has a big exam coming up at the end of May. But even if dd was at school I don't think I'd turn into a step ford wife anyway!
Grr sounds silly? Childish? But I want to enjoy our lives. The dishes are done, laundry washed and folded, floor swept every other day, Hoover maybe once a week- yes it could be more but i'd rather be out and about with dcs or playing with them.

How do you all manage? Does your OH tell you what you should be doing?

I've not been home educating very long. But I do rush about trying to get things done. For instance I iron while DD does her sums. I also make sure dinner is on the table when DH comes home from work, I think if he's working to "keep" me I can at least cook for him.

Dp is working, I'm on mat leave so still contributing financially!
I know I need to make more of an effort, dd needs more structure, dp does to the extent of being OCD and it would do the baby good too!
I need to 'get my head out of the clouds' as dm pits it and stop Faffing and flitting around I guess

*puts

Couldn't you just make a bit of a plan. Dinner shouldn't have to take long to make, chuck some stuff in a slow cooker. Do some more structured learning and then have a day for going out doing fun stuff. If you get on top of things then it will be easier.

Yes, a plan would be a good idea.
I guess I'm a bit lazy too
No excuse but bf (day and night) has really taken it's toll this time around, feel like I'm constantly rushing around and trying to do stuff but failing at everything!

Just prioritize, its easy for me to say! While you are bfing read with her or get her drawing. Do a bit of batch cooking. Have your shopping delivered. Go swimming and put your baby in the creche it'll be good for PE for your DD and it might energize you.

There isn't a crèche at our pool could put DS in a baby ring and power him up and down the pool though!

Perhaps a bit of exercise is what you need, give you a bit of energy. Now the weather is picking up you can go for walks etc. But your dinner on before you go out when you get in the meal will be ready for you so no rushing about.

Put not but.

I don't think there's anything wrong with how you are doing things tbh, but I exist in total chaos
I don't do much housework whilst dd is about either as I like to help, encourage and support learning. The tea is usually done on time but dh helps with this as he wah a lot.
Your dc are important and if you are H.ed this really is your job for the moment. At least your dc will be well socialised and able to play and socialise with other kids and adults.
Tell him he is wrong and this is what H.ed is like.

'dragging DS (4m) from pillar to post' That's called being a second child. Normal normal normal.

"hasn't seen any evidence of dd being educated." Invite him to read Alan Thomas and Harriet Pattison "How Children Learn at Home" and THEN have a conversation with you about whether or not Dd is being educated. He really needs to get his head around what successful non-formal home education looks like before he makes any judgements here.

"He also complains the house is a mess, which I don't think it is, I make an effort to tidy up for him!" His job is to go to work and earn money. Your job is to look after the children. Domestic stuff I would expect to be divided roughly 50/50 according to the skills and preferences of the people involved. If he wants the house at a different level of tidiness, he needs to be responsible for that himself, and in a manner which is not stifling for the three other people who live there. Maybe he needs one room in the house to look "pre-children-ish", which he makes that way and keeps that way?

"I'm not doing much cooking wise" You have a four month old baby. I would expect him to be doing a lot of loading the slow cooker before he goes to work if he wants a particular kind of food.

It sounds to me as if having a baby together is really challenging his ideas about what living together feels like and looks like, and having a HE'ed child points out those differences in expectations even more. Do the local HE dads get together at all? Meeting up with some of them might help him (a) understand what HE looks like a bit more and (b) get a reality check about what it is reasonable for him to be contributing domestically.

I would never dream of moaning to DH about the state of the house when I get in from work. Some days I get in and I'm impressed. Some days I get in and want to weep. But I just assume that he's had a bad day with the kids and either muck in, or slob on the sofa and get the wine out for us both. Our youngest is 6mths. Miracles can't be worked and I'd rather the kids came first. About once a fortnight our roles are reversed and I do his job while he works. This is what your OH needs to do maybe?

I get up at 6.10am and drop at 8.30pm!

I childmind for 10 hours each day with associated extra cleaning and training on top of this and all the daily paperwork.
I am the main carer for our disabled foster child with all the meetings and daily paperwork and daily physio.
DH is dyslexic so I do all the household paperwork and most of the organizing.
I organize the family to do some housework (I have the biggest list of chores by far), and I pick up their slack.
I do the house maintenance or hire someone to do it.
I HE our eldest ds (doing igcse.s)
I give homework help to the two dc at school.
I run a monthly toddler group.
I am a school Parent Governor.
I'm learning another language.

My dh goes to work. Correction, my dh goes to work outside of the home whereas I work in the home (well as a childminder I'm actually more often outdoors but you get the picture). It feels like that is all my dh does towards the family, apart from grumping. He has a work injury which doesn't disable him but does give him pain and he shows it.

DH also sometimes complains that ds doesn't seem to be doing much 'schooling'. At which point I pause from picking up the empty bowls when I already have a full arm of wet washing, whilst I'm on the way to swap the wet washing with the dry washing on the airer, (at which point I will get the clean school jumper that ds2 has been looking for), and then I stare at him whilst I try to switch my thoughts from remembering to send in school dinner money today and I try to refrain from making any obvious comment about him being sat on the sofa playing on his laptop for the last 2 hours. There are days I don't know whether to put it down to his injury pain, his upbringing in a different culture or his laziness.

Anyhow, my house is safe and suitably clean but it wouldn't ever be near a picture in a magazine. Sometimes you just can't fit it all in. Don't beat yourself up about what you can't do, list all you've achieved that day.