Asking for support... Feeling fed up

[MumofTeen123]

I'm about to have a blistering row with the schootomorrow over her choosing to drop all science GCSEs so she can focus on the rest of her subjects and redo iGCSEs from home next year. She's been flexible schooled now (year 11) and was so stressed with science had decided at the 11th hour to drop them. School is not happy and wants to discuss "options" although judging by today's phone call this just means them going on about how she needs them and us standing firm and saying no. End result is if thy won't let her drop, ill sign her off sick on the day of the exam as I'm not prepared to put her through the stress of this (and there is a back story to these subjects I'm not going into here)
She's been so much happier since flexi schooling- was pootling about with maths questions on her white board today really enjoying herself... Haven't seen her enjoying learning in so long it's a joy to see.
Could use some moral support for tomorrow morning though!

Thanks you ommmm that is much appreciated :)

She's just said "come upstairs and let me show you some maths?"
YESSSS!!!

:D Attagirl!

:) absolutely!

How fantastic!

Keep that image in your mind during the meeting tomorrow! Hope it goes well.

Another hand hear, don't let them talk you into something you don't agree with, stand firm.
Although, I think you will be ok on this score

Thank you Saracen, I will do! Everytime I see her working well by herself like this, I know we're making the right decision about next year. :)

And thank you to you too potato! I have just had another talk with DD and reassured her that whatever the school 'decide', she's not doing the exams... Worst cones to worst, I'll call in on the morning of the exams and say she ain't coming in! So um up to them how they play it now. Doesn't make me wobble about tomorrow any less though.

Ah, and I've just had my first negative reaction about HE, from a really good bunch of friends too :( Socialisation schmocialisation, meh. How do you lot deal with all this so well? I'm exhausted!!!

Well, the way I deal with negative reactions is to hang around with all the other loony astute home educating parents, online or in real life. Between us, we have a comeback for everything we have a good perspective on these matters.

So your friends think that your daughter's social skills will be harmed by doing IGCSEs from home next year, because school is where people acquire these skills? After what, TWELVE YEARS spent supposedly acquiring lovely social skills by going to school, she'll now see those skills vanish in a single year in the absence of constant reinforcement? Gosh, then those twelve years of school attendance would appear to have been a total waste in terms of implanting social skills for life, right?

Get me started, I'll go on all day like this.

Hah! Thank you Saracen, you've made me laugh in a day not full of chuckles! I did think afterwards of saying that's she's quite happy being amongst her intellectual peers just not her chronological ones, but in hindsight, that might have sounded a bit snotty!

Oh and the maths got even better; she point blank refused to letme help with her simultaneous equations after she had gone wrong, because "if I don't work them out myself, I won't learn how to do them properly"

Yeah, she's not ready for autonomous education at all....

Well, thank you for your hand holding :)

We got what we wanted (no question there) but I completely lost my temper spoke calmly and eloquently when discussing DD's maths teacher. Interestingly, even though teachers defend each other to the hilt, this one was unimpressed with his behaviour (especially on including DD on a class email to resit Jan GCSE even after she got an A, and not acknowledging once to her "well done" on getting the A.)

We went through "iGCSEs are very challenging on your own", with me countering with a 'very' mature "no they're not" and an actually mature "not half as challenging as trying to handle being in this school" from DD. And "you need lots of GCSEs" countered with "not necessarily and even if that's right, not this year so ner ner ner ner ner " and possibly the best conversation of all...

"you need science GCSEs for CVs"
"I've never once been asked for mine since I got a degree so pfffffftt to you "
"Well it depends on what career you have"
"Teaching"
Silence.

Sorted!
And she's withdrawn from RE too.

AND she's being placed in a separate exam room to minimise stress.

I'll probably be picking her up in a few hours. She looks knackered. Don't blame her.

Thank you! :)

Terrific, well done!

Can't you do GCSEs free of charge up to the age of 25? Or is it 24? So what's all the fuss about? I work with young adults and I think all the pressure at GCSE stage in schools is ridiculous. Teaching is a real power trip for some people. Don't let em get you or your obviously wonderful daughter down.

Thanks :)

(That was to Saracen for your "terrific!"

And cat, I had no idea about free of charge (is this why there's so much GCSE oriented adult ed about?) intrigued!
She's umming about doing all three now; says she needs a break, I couldn't agree more. I told her I just watch some interesting sciences stuff on tv (cosmos, Big Bang, etc) just to learn stuff without "learning" stuff until (or if) she's ready to do iGCSEs. I have a sneaky suspicion she may need physics GCSE to do the maths degree she wants, but even then, but I'm not 100% so need to do a little digging.
Couldn't agree more about power trips; so much of it is that and bloody stats for the schools. I'm still not convinced her maths teacher is pissed off at her because she a) good at maths and a girl b) good at maths with 60% attendance c) good at maths.
I live in a bubble in my teaching works where 1:1 encouragement is the norm, I had no idea girls are atill picked on in schools, by staff and kids, for being good at / enjoying STEM subjects. It's 2014 FFS.

And thanks! :)

IME you need to be a bit careful at the ages of 19 (at start of course) and 24, as these are funding cut-off points for some things i.e. a young person may no longer be eligible to study for free and may have to pay course fees instead. Check this with local colleges if you want to be sure of the situation for later on.

But basically my point is that IF your daughter didn't do a GCSE or three this year AND didn't get around to it next year either AND then suddenly realised it was absolutely vital that she get those three GCSEs for whatever she wanted to do next... then she could just go do them in a year at a FE college. Which would probably be much nicer than her school is anyway.

Really no need to panic and stress in the way that a lot of schools do in GCSE year that THIS WILL AFFECT THE ENTIRE REST OF YOUR LIFE etc. It really won't.

Cheers for that :) and I couldn't agree more with your caps at the end; anybody would think from the way her teacher was talking that without the three sciences THIS YEAR, she wouldn't even get a summer job stacking sodding shelves.

DD told me before the meeting that if they went on, she would ask if they were really looking after her welfare or just the welfare of the school stats.
Funny that, I seem to remember having that exact same conversation with my school 20 odd years ago.

Sorry to be a downer, but many colleges don't do GCSEs or just do a few retake subjects (ie presuming familiarity with the course material) Of course we don't know what the situation will be like in a few years.

I am really glad that you and your daughter both have a good sense of what matters to her, and that you aren't going to let yourselves be bullied into absorbing other people's priorities and taking on stress she doesn't need!!

I think part of this urgency to finish things by the end of Y11 stems from an assumption that young people are reluctant passive learners who will only learn under duress. If you don't stuff the knowledge into them before the end of compulsory school age, they may need it later but will lack the initiative to sort it out for themselves. In my experience of home educated teens, nothing could be further from the truth.

You should see the responses I get when I mention that my dd, now 14, might not necessarily do any IGCSEs in the next few years. "You really think it's acceptable for her to reach 16 without ANY qualifications??" Well, she may not need or want them at all, and if she does, what's so special about 16? I have absolute faith in her to figure out what she needs and sort it out in due course.

Ah don't worry Fiona, DD is 99.9% (probably 100% if im honest) convinced she'll be taking these as iGCSEs by herself at home, if it all. Its useful to know what else may be out there though.

Ah, I think it comes from a slightly different place, Saracen; call me a cynic, but I'm convinced its all political and schools are all just in competition to get the best results (ie largest quanitiy of GCSEs per pupil at A*) to keep Ofsted/estyn off their back. I don't think schools have kids best interests at heart, even though many individual teachers do (and they are often battling the system as much as the poor kids they are teaching)

Its also partly misinformation about university entrance and job requirements etc; I teach piano and the amount of times I hear (UCAS points) mentioned as a reason for continually sitting sodding grade exam exams at the expense of learning repertoire and skills drives me to distraction, but parents genuinely think that there kids can't get into a RG university (never mind Oxbridge) without 13 GCSEs at A* and a clutch of piano \flute \ dance \ speech \ drama \ etc certificates to back them up. Schools perpetuate the myths, parents believe them, and the kids are the ones who suffer in the end.