I'm just about to take the plunge! Some ^positive^ reassurance please!

[Runnerbean]

I feel very compelled to do this especially after reading and researching the subject. I'm quite scared though and need some positive reassurance!!

bump, anyone out there!

Hey Runnerbean - we're not technically HE yet as Ds is only 23 months, but wanted to say hey!

How old is your LO?

Okay, not entirely sure what you want to hear, but I'm sure you'll be fine. My son 6 has been out of school since February and is doing really well.

Caroline

I'm sure you'll do fine. I just follow the interest. We may spend weeks observing butterflies and then we're off to something else.

What I find fascinating is that it all seems like building blocks. By focusing on his interests, I find he remains keen on a subject evan after his interest shifts elsewhere. Usually a bit of the way into the new discovery, I understand that there was something he usually needed to master before being able to comprehend the next idea.

I've had lots of negative responses from family and friends, but I feel confident in my justification that this is the right thing for my dd1 age 7.

I would like to hear lots of good things from others who have actual practical experience of HE.

I'd also be interested to hear of any problems too, or regrets. Is it posiible to fail at all HEing?
Did it not work out and your child had to return to school.
What are schools reaction to a HEdder returning a child to school?

Hi Runnerbean, I've seen HE from both sides of the fence and currently have children both HE-ed and at school.

I think HE is a wonderful thing and can be a very positive experience for a family - certainly our experience has been great!

Ds2 chose to return to school when we moved last year and has done really well. Ds1 is dx. with Aspergers and has quite a few 'difficulties' atm and we are looking for a p/t place at a Special School to offer him some specialist support (yes I know that I, as mum, am a specialist, but it will be nice for both of us to have a break He really enjoys being HE-ed as it gives him the scope to focus on things he is interested in (and he doesn't like to be 'moved on' until he's ready).

Dh was initially very sceptical (and it took a while for him to consider it) but now we plan that dd and ds3 will never go to school and will be HE-ed all the way!

HI,
I took my 4 year old son out of school just before Easter. I am so pleased with my decision. He has got his old confindence back and has started to think for himself again. He is now making up his own games with his sisters again and plays really well with them now. When he was at school he was constantly tired, always ill and was a real brat with his sisters and my husband and I. He would never initiate games and was always reliant on me to do an activity with him.

Now he is not rushed on a morning to get to school and so does not have that ridiculous stress in his young life. He wakes up when he is ready, which is sometimes 9:30 -10:00 he has not had a cold and looks really healthy.

As he is only 4, we have decided to let him learn through play as much as posible and suppliment this with a few planned activities. He is choosing what he does most of the time and is really keen to learn. I plan a few practical activities around his interests and that is working really well at the moment.

I had a worry at first because he did not seem interested at all in reading, but soon realised that he was learning so many other amaising things about nature and the world that reading would come when he was interested. He is outside nearly all day when the weather is good and that is so much more healthy than being cooped up in a classroom.

My fear about his lack of interest in reading stopped after I found a reading scheme on the internet called 'bricks and mortar' available at www.happychild.org.uk it makes learning to read so easy. I decided to try it with him and if he was not bothered forget about it, but he loved it and kept on asking to do more, which really suprised me because when he had words to learn from school he hated it.

It is totally free to download also which is great!

I think he had his confidence at school shattered and this reading method builds that up really quickly.

I think HE is definately the better option as it is tailored to each kids individual needs.

hope this helps,
bye for now,

Lisa

I'm hoping this supports your decision. I have a rather long view.

My 20 year old daughter was he'd until about age 8 or 9. (We had joined a home ed Steiner group and eventually we founded a school.) So, she spent time in a parent-cooperative / Steiner "school" and was part of the founding class.

However, I never "fully committed my child" to her teacher. (This was a conflict not only with the Steiner philosophy but because she was reading in Kindergarten. And there was no going back. And she was curious. And I wanted to feed her knowledge.) In essence, the school - if you can call it that - was nothing more than an opportunity for socialisation with like-minded families.

But, I digress. In her years with me, she learned more than when we eventually mainstreamed her into regular schools. She and I discuss it a lot these days. On one hand, she thanks me for her brilliant mind. (She's in uni, has a "World Ready Woman Scholarship," and will be doing a "year abroad" study at Leeds this year.) On the other hand, she is really mad that she "had to work so hard to learn 'real life' social skills." The specific skills she identifies are: "pettiness, back-stabbing, shallowness, snide remarks and bitchiness." It is her only regret about our homeschooling years.

Another digression. When we mainstreamed her into school, she went through a period of total absorption in popular culture. Her reading preferences changed. She was tuned into MTV all the time. She was reading those stupid pre-teen and teen magazines. I hated it! But, I let her go to it. S

uddenly, two months into being the weird new girl, she was the Queen Bee of her own clique which rivalled the "popular girls." BUT, she had defined her clique and their values as those which matched our family's values: diversity, compassion, intelligence, empathy, community. Needless to say the girls were flocking to her clique. She was "Queen Bee, but, she was doing it on her own terms and in a way which empowered the other girls.

Years later, I realize the foray into pop culture was, in fact, research. She had everything she needed academically. The schoolwork was a breeze. In fact, she was just happily skimming along at the top of her class. And, the mainstream socialisation was the interesting puzzle. I had given her the tools necessary to define herself in her own way and on her own terms in accordance with values which had been clearly established during her home education years.

I guess I have to add that her test scores at age 10 were so exceptional that they gave her the equivilent of your GSCE's. At ten, she scored at the level of an average secondary school graduate. Her scores only improved by 200 points from age 10 to 17. Abyssmal!!!! (She graduated a full year early because she was intellectually bored and had the discipline to research, plan and execute an exit strategy which meant doubling up on university courses at night. Which she has applied to her current uni - thereby getting a 2-for-the-price-of-one on her current uni...and getting herself out early, theerby saving money.)

In some ways, I regret sending her to school. But, there was a lot of pressure to do it. And she did fine. And she learned all those valuable lessons about "bitchiness and back-stabbing."

I can only imagine her test scores if she had been at home with me. And I have learned - that with my 3 year old son - there is no room for compromise. I'm just marching along the same way I did all those years ago. I trust myself now. And I see the value of self-directed learning. I see the pattern. And I know it works.

She is always learning. Always reading. And recently, she was singled out by a professor to whip her end of term paper into publishable form because it was so well researched and extraordinary. (She's the only undergrad - BTW - to be given this special treatment.) Her professors are now asking her what she is reading.

Which brings me to the present. I had no idea my crazy, weird ideas would create such an extraordinary person. But, I held firm as long as I could. I gave her the best foundation I could give her. I supported her in every way possible. And all of these results strengthen my resolution of ..."no compromises this time."

We do it in whatever manner life deals it out. We follow the interests. We support the learner - our ds. We carve open all and any opportunities. But mostly, we have fun. We celebrate the joyful surprise of knowledge moving into the open places we've made within his mind.

(Sorry to sound like a braggert, but, I'm proud of the job we've done and this keeps me steady in this interesting new time with our little ds. This time - I actually know I can do it. The first time around was an experiment.)

You can do it too! Good luck!

Christina

Thankyou so much for your post poet mum.

It was so positive and inspiring and really strengthened some thoughts I already have.

Last night I spoke to my SIL who took her dd4 and ds7 off around the world for a year and HE during that time.

My SIL feels now that in the 3 years they've been back in school they have stood still educationally and is considering taking them out again!
They are socially very mature because of the diverse group of people they met travelling.

I think I am scared because I am oing against the norm, and I'm, worried about failing in some way.
But I'm more concerned I'll fail my dd more by trusting in the school to give her an education!

I have no experiences to offer, just wanted to say that you sound like a wonderful mum and by looking into this now, you should be really prepared and sorted by the time DS is school age.
Most people fling the argument up about HE kids not becoming as socially integrated and miss out on the peer company side of things. After teaching in a school where quite a few were HE in primary (rather well off but rural area with poor primary schools) and then went on to standard mixed comp, most were intelligent and polite, only one that I taught ever had any social skills issues. TBH, I think that was nothing to do with the HE, was just his unique personality and prob HE stopped any bullying from a young age and kept his enthusiasm for learning high. The one thing they all had in common was a confidence and ease around adults and a high level of personal motivation.

Glad it was helpful.

A word about failure. I think the only way a parent can fail their child is to not be emotionally present in their lives. (Not necessarily physically present - but connected emotionally and spiritually.) In many ways, I view myself as a witness to their process. Sometimes my services as a guide are necessary. But more often than not - my struggle is to keep my hands and mouth still so that their own experiences become the teacher.

As to your SIL - sounds about right. The amount of knowledge which is free to take root in themselves is so vast compared with the controlled, steady and slow progress of a school.

When my daughter was breezing through her maths at school, she was reprimanded for drawing in class. She rudely told the teacher that when she taught something she didn't know, she'd gladly pay attention. Not the best response - but a true one. When I went in to talk to the teacher about putting her up a level or giving her extra work the teacher responded, "she couldn't single any student out" and that "out of fairness, she had to teach to the middle of the class." When I asked if dd could serve as a mentor to slower children or teach parts of the class to others. I was told this "would be bad for the other students."

My job was to inform my daughter that she had to pretend to pay attention in class. I told her, I was unable to do that - and given that she wasn't willing to teach my daughter - I was unable to support her in her need for absolute discipline in the classroom. Because dd was being quiet and not interfering with others who needed to learn, I also told her that I would not care to hear from her unless 1. dd was talking or dancing on the tables or 2. got less than 100% on a test. (Since dd had never had less than 100% on a test, she changed her mind and began giving DD extra work.

This is another reason I'm committed to HE. I'm horrible at maths - but by fostering an excitement and laying the foundation - but my dd did brilliantly. Helping them go as far as they can as fast as they want to go helps. (it's a lot easier once they begin to read.)

Keep strong!
Christina

I've just come back from a school trip with my dds year 2 class!

The trip to an enviromental centre involved some class work based on what the children could pick up off the ground, (twigs etc) and then orienteering after lunch.

It was quite exhausting and I spent most of the time just trying to keep the boys from running off into the undergrowth!!

My daughter got very frustrated because she wanted to do the work properly.
I went with a positive outlook hoping I might feel that this was the sort of thing she would miss out on if I took her out of school.
However it just seems to have reinforced my feelings, that I could do this myself!

I do understand very well now from this experience the argument about boys learning differently and not as effectively in our present system.
The boys wanted to run around and discover their enviroment having an adventure, and they all wanted to be the winners.
The girls are more serious and the reading and recording correctly was their priority.
A very enlightening day!

Lots of positive stuff on here.The great thing Runnerbean is that you and your lo will have the chance to get really involved in things that interest your child.You won't need to rush from one thing to the other.Nor will you have to be tied to school hours.My ds used to take maths stuff to bed and sit up doing it till he fell asleep!Now he is reading Harry Potter books.
I think you will find you have full on phases and times when you may feel you are not actually doing anything.Imo with home ed you always are.Whether its hanging out the washing,cooking,chatting..and just being there if they want some advice etc.Filyjonk mentioned on another thread about 'strewing'..this worked really well for us.By leaving interesting bits of info around his interest was piqued and he would go off and find out about it.
People are all different in their approach to home ed and what they want to achieve.Some are v.relaxed and let the child direct the 'learning',others opt for structure and some a mixture of the 2.
My ds is going to school in sept as i think he feels lonely as he is an only child and is quite outgoing.There are aspects of school he knows will annoy him but he has said it's his choice.So we will see how it goes.
As for failing your child..no way Runnerbean there is noo chance of that.
Good luck to you and enjoy

So glad you had an inspiring day Runnerbean! Just imagine days and months and years of them and you're on your way! I'm so happy you were able to pull what you needed from the day. Fantastic!

Think about joining the Muddlepuddle listserve. Lots and lots of support there.

Poetmum, you're original post is very inspiring. If I go down the HE route I would be delighted to write such a post in 20 years time!
I wondered if your relationship with your daughter is closer than say her peer group was with their parents. I've heard from other HE people that strong family relationships are one of the by products of He.

Sorry, no positive experiences to add as I'm an interested bystander - ds is just two, and home-schooling is something we're looking into for later. But I just wanted to say I'm sooo inspired by you all. And Runnerbean, I can't see how things won't work out so much better than they are now. Go for it! Hope I'd have the confidence to do the same in a similar situation.

Really inspiring stuff, poetmum. You sound pretty incredible to me. Something I do wonder about with home-schooling ds when he's older, is that I'm quite a solitary person and would need regular time with my own thoughts, doing my own thing, to be able to really give to ds. How would that work? I agree that being emotionally and spiritually present with your children is so very important, and I do feel sad that I'm not managing this a lot at the moment - I think because ds is such a lively and intense toddler for now, and I get very little time out from this. With home-schooling your daughter, how did you manage to look after yourself so well that you were able to be so giving to and present with her? Tips, please! (Sorry for hijack, Runnerbean )

Again, am inspired and impressed by you all. Home educating sounds idyllic.

wow I am amazed that there are so many people that do HE. I only thought of doing it a few months ago. I haven't tried it yet for a few reasons: 1, being we have already registered our son 4 gov.schooling, 2, I have 2 other sons to consider who although still very young are very advanced 4 their age - or so I am told frequently! 3, although I am a SAHM and I have full support from my hubby, I still feel very unconfident with keeping up with housework, teaching and finding time for myself. Three boys under five with very different characters can be very demanding even on an easy day!
We decided 2 see how our eldest gets on in R.yr and go from there. I am envious of everyone who has taken the plunge - it seems such a rewarding way of parenting/teaching. I feel that at this time it might just do well to see the other side of the fence first.

It was my daughters very last day at school today!
It was quite emotional for all us, including her teacher, who hopes will we call in school, in the future, to tell everybody what we've been up to.
I'm reading 'Free Range Education" at the moment and have also read John Holts, 'How children learn".
I've also joined EO and some HE yahoo support groups.
If you are interested in HE I would recommend you read these books Chalkie1.
I'm really excited about our new adventure and will start straight away rather than have a summer 'holiday' as such. The point about HE is that life is education and should not be restricted to the hours of 9-3.30, 30 odd weeks of the year.
My daughter achieved level 3c in all subjects at the end of year 2, and I'm very proud of her.

I can't wait to see what she can achieve HEing!

Mog, Yes, my daughter and I are very close. It was really hard for all of her that my husband, ds and I moved to England. (She is currently in the States at uni.) Of course, her response to missing us was to get herself into a year abroad program at Leeds. So, she did the research, did her application, got accepted and worked two jobs so she'll have adequate spending money while here. She'll be here in a month! Hooray! But, to answer your question with a question...how many 20 year olds do you know who will move across the Atlantic ocean to be closer to Mom? When I was younger I went as far as I could get!

Her teen years were awful! I've read that the closer mothers and daughters are the harder the normal teen seperation is. But, we weathered all of the storms. (Some were psyiological.)

What was hard for her was that we were "the cool parents." So the normal seperation was harder because I was the Mom everyone could talk to. Because of my profession, I knew the cool music (and some of the musicians as well.) I knew the fads. And I would always answer the most difficult questions - like about sex and drugs - honestly and without preaching. My philosophy was ..."if you do the research, you'll have all of the information to make the right decision." In an environment where all her friends were hating their narrow-minded, conservative parents - my daughter was stuck without a whole lot of peer sympathy. I think this eventually brought us closer. (She had peer pressure to like me.) BTW - this open minded philosophy failed for a year of experimentation. She was quite the party-girl for a year. It seems to be fading.

But - this is some of what I mean by "witnessing." I actually cared what music she liked. We talked about why she liked it. We talked about why I thought it was lame. We looked at music history together. (This lead to a controversial term paper on the impact of feminism on girls in outsider cultures, sub-cultures as a way of creating positive self-definition and the psycological impact of gender disparity in punk rock scenes on women...age 14.)

So in answer to your question. I think HE was the foundation of our relationship. just because she eventually went to school didn't mean we abandonned our lifestyle...which was largely informed by HE and autonomous learning.

Sorry to everyone for 2 long rambling posts.....

Runnerbean! Congrats on a good last day! I wish you a productive and eventful summer filled with exciting learning opportunities.

Eggbreadandbeans, To answer your question...obviously from my moniker I'm an artist-type...which means I'm given to sudden fits of morose cured only by a huge need for solitary creative time and of course, contemplating the existential meaning of my own and other's belly buttons.

My key to getting this for myself was a supportive partner, family and creating a community around me. I also had a group of friends around me (other HE and non-HE families.) When I was "there" I was "really there." That meant, I'd invite friends over, we'd do cool stuff, the parents got a little time away. I was very pro-active about offering the very thing I needed to others when I was in a place to offer it freely and without strings.

This meant - that when I had a need - I had folks who were able to meet it freely and without strings. We never kept a tally..."I had them 3 hours, so you have them 3 hours." We gave what we could when we could give it. It all balanced out. (The movie "Pay It Forward" is a wonderful example of this philosophy. We were living this way long before the movie came out. But, we love it so much because finally we had a phrase for the way we lived our lives.)

As to my daughter, when I was available, I was "really available." I included dd in everything I did. (For example: when I was on a heavy tour schedule around age 11/12, dd took up writing and performing. So, she went with me. (Even though she was "in school.") She wrote a little "set" for herself, I always let her "open for me" and she even made a "book" which she sold to audience members after her performance. (Sometimes her sales were better than mine - after all she did have the cuteness factor working for her.) And when I had to do something solitary, she understood.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that children know when you are "really there" or just "hanging around" with them. I just try to be really clear when I'm available and when I not. When I'm not, I've tried to be pro-active about creating a situation in which someone just as good is "really present."

This is actually one of my challenges living here. I haven't worked out the balance with DS just yet. But, I'm sure I will eventually...or rather...I just have to keep believing that the reality I'm trying to create for myself will manifest...

Thanks, poetmum. Insightful, helpful stuff. I'm not a pro like you, but am a creative at heart - your line about being prone to sudden fits of morose/need for creative bursts/spells of belly button contemplation, made me grin, and struck a chord. There is clearly hope, then!

Ds has just turned two, and it's very early days still. His need for me - emotionally, and to play - is very intense at the moment. I do find it impossible to be completely present and engaged with him all the time, but I think I do well enough. I think if this intensity eases a fraction as he gets older, I'll feel a little freer.

I expect you can't wait to see your daughter in a few weeks. Am sure it'll be lovely, all being back together.

Thanks again for your inspiration and wisdom.

EBAB

Hello, just joined Mumsnet, and thought I would post here. I am a mum to two dyslexic boys, and they have been home educated for just over a year. It has been the best year of our life - and the most exhausting! After years of battling with the LEA to try and get them some proper support, and horrible mornings of 'false chirpyness' trying to jolly them into school, we have now found a way of education that suits us all. My youngest DS is now 8. When he left school he could barely write his name, and would shake when asked to try and read. Last week he wrote his first poem - 8 lines, all in cursive script. My other DS (aged 10) takes himself off to the end of the garden, where he is writing a secret storybook. (Info courtesy of little brother!). It has been hard work, and there have been lots of moments of self-doubt for me, but they are getting fewer as time goes on. I have got my busy, inquisitive, cheeky, chatty and happy boys back - wrestled from the jaws of the LEA just in time!!!! I think the hardest bit is the original decision to go ahead, but that first morning of waking up and realising they don't have to go to school, and the freedom from all the pressure is fantastic - and you get the occasional lie-in! The boys have weekly lessons at the dyslexia institute, and their recent reports show that the eldest has not only caught up with his peers in reading and writing, he is ahead by almost 2 years. My youngest, who could not even be tested a year ago as he didn't recognise letters or numbers, is now only 1 year behind the average for his age, so he's caught up over 3 years in 12 months. This goes to show that we did the right thing - we gave them the chance to develop their skills in their own time and in their own way. Sorry for waffling - I intended this post to be short and sweet. Anyway, good luck to anyone considering home education - I'm sure you won't regret it. Best wishes,

It's lovely to hear your happy HE experience Lilymae8! It's one I hear repeated over and over on HE support groups and websites!
I am new to HE having deregd my dd7 in July.
You are very inspiring and I'm very excited about our new adventure.
We've just come back from holiday where my daughter managed to read over 10 chapter books in a week!
Her school complained that she wasn't reading enough!!

Lilymae8 - Love your line about 'false chirpyness' in the mornings. That is so true! And it's exactly what I'm currently doing with my 5 yr old dd. It's so nice to hear other people having the same thoughts. I took her in this morning, positively beaming at everyone (me I mean! so that she felt safe and didn't scratch at her eczema anymore) What a ridiculous pretence... It's lovely to hear about your two sons who are now flourishing under proper love and attention. Well done! I hope I shall soon be joining your ranks.