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Home ed

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Easier or harder ?

11 replies

fiishfingers · 10/09/2013 13:50

Do you find it more work ,as such, when you are home-educating your child rather than having them at school? Getting them to school, helping with homework, buying uniform and other things ,also takes up alot of time?

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bebanjo · 10/09/2013 21:14

Dd has never been to school, so cannot compare
What I can say is, we get up when we like, always have a cooked breakfast, dd wears what she likes, we go out when we like and stay in when we like.
I buy one pare of good waterproof boots a year, and don't care what couler they are. Dd wears crocks most of the time. We never have to have anything done by....
We love the way we live.

streakybacon · 11/09/2013 08:37

It was infinitely harder for us as a family when ds was in school (up to start of Y5). He has AS/ADHD and had no meaningful support so his stress levels were astronomical, and evenings were spent trying to calm him down ready for more of the same the next day. He was often too stressed for after-hours activities like swimming etc, never had friends over because he couldn't cope (and nor could they with his temperament) - life was a nightmare.

Home ed is a doddle by comparison. Everything is easier when your child feels safe and has manageable levels of stress. We can set our own structure and take things at a pace that suits us all, and life is far calmer and happier as a result. We get far more out of our time than we ever could have managed while at school.

Saracen · 11/09/2013 08:55

I'm sure it must depend on the family - on how hard it is to get your kids to school and whether they are stressed as a result of going, on what style of home ed you want to do, on how demanding your kids are when they are at home, etc.

My older dd only tried school for a while in Y5. School wasn't awful, but I certainly found it harder than home ed. The main issue was that everything to do with school was so completely inflexible, and you can't just say "oh well I won't bother about that today" as I often do with HE!

It took a lot of time/energy/organisation to make sure my dd had the right gear with her. If she didn't have a clean uniform then she couldn't just go in something else. If we misplaced the school notebook, she couldn't just take a different one. If her black shoes were too small or too muddy or missing, I couldn't just send her in her other shoes. If I hadn't made sure to send her with a warm enough coat, she couldn't just give playtime a miss for that day and stay indoors. Having signed up to school dinners, it was essential to set aside dinner money every week (and remember to bring it on the day!) and I couldn't just send a packed lunch instead if we were a bit short of cash.

Because I'd chosen not to send her to the nearest school and there was no good bus route, I always had to be concerned about whether the car would start, and I needed backup plans in place in case it didn't. (In fact we have two ropey old cars and dh has always taken mine to work if his wouldn't go. So I would also be in a pickle if his car was ever out of action! During dd's school days he ended up missing a few days of work because of the necessity of sorting the cars out promptly.) I used a lot of mental energy ensuring there was no risk of me getting delayed and failing to collect dd on time, meaning we couldn't do much of anything after 2pm. It was particularly hard to schedule her little sister's hospital appointments - you know how those can drag on!! I swapped phone numbers with some other parents so I'd have someone to collect dd1 in an emergency... but still I had to make sure I actually had their numbers with me on the day.

Now, these are all little things. None of them was a deal-breaker. But the cumulative effect was pretty big for me. It wasn't just the time and effort, it was the worry about getting all the details right. School felt like a big commitment.

...oh, and I also felt under pressure to schedule quality time with dd1 when she wasn't at school, because I wasn't spending enough time with her for "quality time" to just happen naturally on its own at some stage. With HE, I have no hesitation in telling the kids I am too busy at the moment. They get plenty of attention overall. If they have some issue they want to talk to me about, or they want to read with me or play with me or whatever, it'll happen. I won't usually drop everything at 5pm when I am trying to get dinner on the table and the little one to bed, but it'll happen some time pretty soon.

fiishfingers · 11/09/2013 10:20

Thankyou for your interesting replies .

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Katiebellj10 · 11/09/2013 10:24

I'm a newbie just started with my DD this week, definitely easier for me as I had a long drive to take her to school plus not a great deal of work was being done considering she was at private school! Too much effort! I have got a tutor now for Maths and I will do the rest. I got a great deal of information from Musicposy, excellent advice!

throckenholt · 11/09/2013 11:54

I find we have much more time - so much time wasted in getting to and from school and preparing for school. It is one of the things I appreciate most.

Work wise it doesn't compare to when they were at school - DH and I are both much more involved now, but overall I feel I have more time.

completelybonkers · 11/09/2013 17:51

I gained at least 90 minutes a day from not being on the school run and that equates to about half our daily work now we HE. I get done everything that I ever did around the home/family life. I've given up a bit of "me time" but I don't feel in any way resentful: children grow up far too quickly so I'm very happy to give DS my time and attention now, when he needs it. I can sit and grow old when he's flown the nest.

The joy and freedom to go "off piste" when we want to is fantastic [even for a control freak like me!] and the thrill of seeing DS actually gain knowledge and confidence is so rewarding. Yes, we are together for most of each day - and we do have our "moments" - but it's not hard: you adapt and make allowances. He is also learning that he has to play his part in all that.

When he was at school, I looked forward to seeing him at the end of the day but if he came out in a negative mood, the first half-hour or so could be wearing and that certainly wasn't "easy".

It wasn't at all difficult to leave behind the petty regulations, filthy items of uniform, the endless demands for charitable donations, school functions, dealing with the pressures of what other children were or weren't doing/buying/watching/playing and so on and on.

I'm a home-bird and enjoy being a SAHM so I don't feel I'm giving anything up. In fact, an unexpected and big plus of HE is that my mind is having to work, I read much more and I'm definitely more involved in what DS is learning.

If I'm honest, the greatest challenge to me is to try to stay calm when DS is pushing all my buttons!

Overall, I don't think it is easier or harder: simply, for us, BETTER!

Katiebell - we only have one term of HE under our belt [DS is Year 4] after leaving the private system for very similar reasons to you. Good luck to you and your DD. We have no regrets Smile.

Katiebellj10 · 11/09/2013 23:04

Thanks completelybonkers. That's nice to hear. (smile)

Saracen · 12/09/2013 06:11

So, what about you then fiishfingers - are you school or HE at the moment, and how are you finding it? Are you thinking it might be time for a change but that it might be a case of out of the frying pan and into the fire?

fiishfingers · 12/09/2013 13:48

HI Saracen .My ds developed severe school phobia .I felt compelled by the welfare officer to take him out ofschool.(I later learned that senior staff were unaware of his problems) The WOsaid to me,Why don`t you HE him then?I was so stressed and lacking in confid en ce myself ,because he was getting so ill, I just went along with it .Ifelt he was an incovenience to them. I found he had massive gaps in his knowledge that needed sorting.Everything was structured in the morning and he learnt loads.In the afternoons he did practical things. Anyway , since I have3 other DC at school and nursery I found Icould give them more attention at night and during holidays , he had loads other times.He is now back at schoolin 6th form and passed various vocational qualifications.

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fiishfingers · 12/09/2013 13:58

Although I was resentful at the time ,because it was such hard work teaching him at times ,I can see iit straightened him out .His confidence soared and he seems to be heading towards a career, heenjoys .I wished the school had been more sympathetic So ,short term ,it was much harder ,long term it has made thigs easier.

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